The Witchling & The Princeling
by WitchlingandPrinceling
Summary: After the events in EoS. Sarah J Maas owns everything! I just write the dirty stuff. More chapters coming soon. Warning: mention of sexual assault and other really heavy themes.
1. Chapter 1

**The Lovers in the Wood**

 _In the woods, a witch with the bluest of blood looked up at the stars, her long white hair wrapped around her like a blanket. Her grandmother had told her not to go into the village, that the mortals would capture her and do horrific things with her. But the witch was still a young witchling, and she was oh so very lonely. So when her grandmother wasn't looking she went into the village and saw the things that mortals did. She saw the joy that came from drunkness; the joy that came from a terribly told joke; the joy that came from lips touching so tenderly... but for the witch, who had grown up in a place that lacked such joy, she longed for it. She longed for it so badly that she often thought that her longing would consume her._

 _When the witch returned to her grandmother later that day, she was punished for disobeying her orders. Fifteen lashes she was given. Her young flesh dripping blue blood onto the stones beneath her._ _The little witchling was told to stay in the woods and not come back until she had healed. So now here she was._

 _In the woods, a witch with the bluest of blood looked up at the stars, her long white hair wrapped around her like a blanket. And while she looked up, the little witchling made a wish. She wished to the stars that someday she wouldn't be so lonely. That the hollowness she felt would be healed and that she could feel the joy the mortals felt. But the witch didn't live in a fairytale, and she knew that for her there will always be loneliness._

 _Several decades later, a prince with the bluest of eyes was born. A few years after that, he too entered the woods._

 _In the woods, a prince with the bluest of eyes looked up at the stars, his curly black hair falling over his brow and tickling his ears. And while he looked up, the little princeling made a wish. He wished to the stars that someday he wouldn't be so lonely._ _That the hollowness he felt would be healed and that he could feel the joy the princes in fairy tales often felt. But the prince didn't live in a fairytale, and he knew that for him there will always be loneliness._

* * *

Manon Blackbeak was lying on her back looking at the stars, contemplating how she would win over the Crochan witches, her witches. She turned to her side. Across from her, Dorian Havilliard was lying on his side, deep asleep. Manon watched him. She watched how peaceful he looked; how young. Manon never had let a man atop her, that was until Dorian Havilliard entered her cabin room that night and used her body for release. She looked at him and wondered why she had let him. Wondered when they will use each other's bodies for release again. Manon sighed. She didn't understand. She didn't understand why she found him beautiful. He was a man; she had been raised to hate men.

She was still gazing at him when all of a sudden his face contorted. He looked as if he was in pain. As if he was having a nightmare. He shifted to his back. His eyes finally opening. He was panting, the sides of his face slightly damp. He ran his hand through his blue-black hair. He turned to his side and was startled to find Manon staring at him. Her gold eyes meeting his sapphire ones. Manon held his gaze as he took a deep breath.

She watched as Dorian sat up slowly, trying not to disturb Lorcan. He ran his hand through his hair one last time and quietly stood up and headed for the woods.

Manon hadn't spoken to Dorian since giving him the key. She wouldn't even glance his way, scared that the thirteen would notice and start asking questions. She glanced at the thirteen beside her. All fast asleep. Her second laying close to her. Abraxos asleep far away. Manon quietly stood up and made her footsteps light as she headed for the woods.

She found Dorian, sitting on the cold grass, leaning his back on a tree, knees to his chest, eyes closed. She didn't know why she followed, why she thought he would even want her there. She surveyed him. His face no longer peaceful. A broken king. She took a step forward and her foot snapped a small branch in half. Dorian's eyes snapped open.

He looked at Manon. Her hair shimmering from the light of the moon.

Manon sat on her knees in front of him. She looked at that beautiful pained faced and leaned forward. Grazing his lips with her mouth. Dorian let out a breath, hands still pinned to the ground. She took a finger and slid it down Dorian's inner thigh. Dorian let out a small breath, yet his eyes still held that pain. Dorian looked away from Manon. Focusing on the riverbank across from them.

Manon has never touched a man between his legs, and never desired to do so. But after what she and Dorian had done in the cabin, she found herself growing more and more curious. She tried to control her shaking hands as she unbuttoned Dorian's pants. She didn't allow herself to think about what she was about to do next, she could feel that shame later.

She released the last button and Dorian's length sprang free. She didn't bother taking his pants off, too scared that he would push her away for even wanting to do such an act. She gripped her hand around him and ran her thumb over the head of him, fascinated by the thing that made him a man. It was warm and throbbing.

She moved her hand up and down, feeling it get harder with each stroke. Manon wasn't sure if she was doing it right since Dorian hadn't made a sound. She glanced up to see if he even had an expression. But he wouldn't look at her. So with her free hand, Manon gently gripped his chin. He turned away from the riverbank and finally looked at her. The skin between his brows slightly pinched together. She was scared of what she was thinking of doing next. She was scared of hurting him. Scared of him pushing away. Scared of _him_ being scared of _her_. But Manon held his gaze as he gave her a slight smile. A smile that said he understood that she has never done this before. A smile that said he wasn't after her pleasuring him, instead letting her know it was ok to explore with him, to see if she even liked this kind of act.

Manon bent her head. She gently flicked her tongue against the head of him, tasting him. It tasted strange. Not bad, but not good either. She felt Dorian let out a chuckle above her, no doubt looking at the strange face she must be making. She flicked her tongue again and Dorian let out a quiet groan. She took a glance at his face. He was watching her, lips slightly parted. His groan was so utterly male, yet so quiet, it soothed her nerves.

She took a deep breath and parted her lips and pressed a light kiss to his head. Dorian groaned again. She took one last glance at Dorian's face and then put the head of him into her mouth, slowly getting used to his taste. She glanced up to see him biting his lip, trying to contain his moans, hands fisted in the grass. Manon was no longer filled with nerves or worry as she heard Dorian's moans growing louder above her. She was pulling her head up when she accidentally got too carried away and sucked.

Above her, Dorian let out a loud breathless gasp. She pulled her mouth away quickly. Scared that she hurt him. But Dorian's face held no pain, but rather pleasure. She once saw a woman in a dark alley with her head bent between a man's legs. His hands fisted in her hair as she moved. So Manon met Dorian's sapphire eyes and lifted his fisted hands from the grass. She moved his hands to her moon-white hair. He gently ran his fingers through it as she bent once again. This time when she sucked, Dorian fisted his hands through her hair, fingers gripping her hair roughly.

Manon didn't object and hearing him moan above her caused heat to pool between her legs. She has never felt so aroused.

Dorian tried to pry her head away before release found him, but she quickly swatted his hand away. He let out a deep groan and hit the back of his head on the tree as release found him.

Manon kept her mouth on him as a warm white substance filled her mouth. When she, at last, raised her head, she met Dorian's eyes and swallowed.

Dorian held her gaze as she straddled his lap. Legs wrapped around him. He interlaced their fingers together as their foreheads met. Lifted her tunic and caressed her breast with his phantom hands, Manon gripping their interlaced fingers tighter.

Dorian replaced his hands with his phantom ones and pinned her hands above each side of his head, to the trunk of the tree. Causing her to hover slightly above him. Causing her breast to be leveled with his face.

With his hand made of flesh, Dorian gripped a breast, his other hand moving to her back, pushing her towards him. Dorian held her gaze as he squeezed one breast and blew on the other. His warm breath making her nipples peak. He flicked his tongue against it.

Manon rested her forehead on the top of his head. So filled with desire and need. She needed him. She needed to lose herself in him. She needed to forget the war that was ahead, forget her role in it. Her hands were still pinned to the tree when Dorian parted his lips and sucked her nipple into his mouth, his other hand still squeezing her breast. Manon let out a quiet breath above him.

Dorian's phantom hands released Manon's hands and moved them to his thick hair. No longer hovering above him, Dorian moved his hand to the back of her neck and pulled her lips towards his.

Manon parted her lips to give Dorian access to her mouth. He groaned when he tasted himself, and met her tongue with his. Dorian teased her, slowly moving his tongue against hers. His mouth pulled back slowly.

She stood up, legs between Dorian's, the buckle of her pants hovering above his head. Dorian was still sitting on the ground as his phantom hands reached out to unbuckle her pants, slowly sliding them down. When Manon was finally free of them, she stood before Dorian, utterly bare.

Manon studied Dorian's face. He was surveying her. Every inch of her. His features ravenous, though she could his eyes still held a tint of sadness.

Manon put her legs on either side of him and sat, straddling him, making her soaked center graze Dorian's length. He was still fully clothed, save for that opening that let him hang free.

Dorian intertwined one hand together with hers and the other slid down her bent thigh, fingers splayed against her flat tummy, his thumb circling her bundle of nerves. Manon gripped his ebony hair with her hands and closed her eyes, head back. Manon needed him to stop teasing her. Manon needed him in her.

He removed his fingers from her center and intertwined it with her other hand. Manon held his gaze as she lowered her throbbing center on his hard member, squeezing his fingers that were still intertwined with hers. They both moaned; lips grazing each other.

She stilled when she couldn't take his length any deeper. Neither moved, both panting, lips only a breath away, sapphire eyes meeting her golden ones.

"Hello, witchling," Dorian panted quietly.

"Hello, princeling," Manon quietly murmured back.

The first words they spoken to each other in days.

Dorian held her gaze as she pulled herself up. She let out a quiet breath on Dorian's lips as she lowered herself. Moving up and down at a slow pace. Wanting this moment with him to last as long as possible. Letting his body extinguish her loneliness.

Dorian thrust his hips up and Manon arched against him. He unlocked their fingers and moved his hands to her behind, squeezing gently. Manon moaned. She grabbed at his white shirt, clenching it with her fingers as she continued to move up and down.

Manon stilled. Looking at Dorian. Looking at his beautiful face, so thoroughly aroused, she couldn't help the whimper that escaped her lips. Dorian, with his hands still gripping her behind, pulled her hips up. Lowered her. He groaned as he lifted Manon up and down, hard and fast. He held her gaze until Manon couldn't take it anymore, she closed her eyes shut and came.

Dorian moved her tenderly against him. Letting her come down from her high. Her forehead met his as she opened her eyes. He looked at her and gave her a boyish grin. He was still inside her, still hard. Manon knew he wasn't done with her yet. She traced her thumb against his lower lip. He took it into his mouth and sucked, flicking at her thumb.

"Did it take the edge off?" Manon quietly chuckled, remembering their last encounter.

"Maybe," Dorian smirked.

Manon felt his member throbbing, still inside her. "Liar," she purred.

Manon stood up, groaning from the loss of his length. She walked until she was a couple of feet away from Dorian and laid on the smooth grass.

She parted her legs, her fingers gripping the grass. She looked to where Dorian was still seated. Slowly he got up but stayed leaning against the tree.

Manon met his eyes, and Dorian slowly lifted his shirt. She took in his toned yet lean form. Dorian sensing her looking at him, caressed the scar on her stomach with a phantom finger, making lazy circles, then pulled away. She felt his phantom hands caress her knees. Felt his fingers caress her inner thighs. Her breath hitched as his hands slowly spread her legs wide apart. She sank her head into the grass, closing her eyes as Dorian played with his fingers, played against her drenched opening. Manon felt a hand pin her waist.

At last, Dorian entered a finger.

She moaned so loudly, that a small part of her was scared the members of their group had heard. But Dorian's finger was still moving inside of her, and she quickly lost all sense of worry. He added two more fingers and Manon nearly cried from pleasure. He curled his fingers and hit just the right spot that made her arch. Manon was panting so fast, her hair slightly damp. She opened her eyes to look at Dorian. She let out a loud whimper when she saw that Dorian's hand was gripping his shaft, moving up and down, thumb occasionally rubbing its head.

His phantom thumb rubbed her clit in slow circles, making her center leak even more. His thumb caressing her so gently and slowly. Dorian's thumb pressed down on a particular spot and she came, pulling the grass that she had been gripping.

She was panting much too loudly when Dorian finally sauntered towards her. Moving with feline grace. He bent on his knees between Manon's legs. He was still wearing his pants, and he had no intention of taking them off. He gave her a smug smile. Manon glared at him.

He moved his body down until his mouth was hovering above her core. He gently pushed her legs farther apart and lowered his mouth. He gave her a slow long lick.

"Dorian," Manon moaned.

He licked again...and again...and again. He stopped his licking to move his mouth to her clit, he sucked the sensitive nub and pulled gently. Manon moved her hands to pull his head away. She was so sensitive, so aroused, and she really wanted to finish with him inside her.

"Stop," she quietly murmured, out of breath.

Dorian pulled his mouth away and sat up on his knees. His beautiful face turning into worry."What's wrong?" he asked quietly.

Manon didn't answer. Instead, she lifted her body and met her mouth with his, moving her hands to his neck. Eventually, the kiss became sloppy and Manon pulled away.

Manon whispered, "Make me beg."

"What was that?" Dorian asked breathlessly.

Manon took a deep breath, "Make me beg."

Dorian lifted her chin gently. Trying to read her face. She turned her head away and kneeled on her knees. Bending forward, her forehead touching the cold ground. Hands gripping the grass beneath her.

Dorian hesitated.

"Please," she whispered into the ground."Please."

Dorian stilled for a long while. He eventually moved forward. He lifted her hips up and she arched her back. Ready for him to enter her.

Dorian ran a finger down her core. He trailed his finger up and circled around her hole. Manon moaned. His finger was circling a spot Manon didn't even know could feel pleasure.

He moved his finger down, towards her soaking core, ready to thrust back in. Dorian took a deep breath and slowly nudged his head against her center.

"No," Manon said roughly.

Dorian quickly pulled away.

"No, wait," she quickly breathed. She let out a quiet and heavy breath,"Not... _there_."

He surveyed her, no doubt worried about hurting her. He knew what she meant by _there._ Knew she wanted him in the one place she has never let any man enter.

"Please," she begged quietly. "Please."

"Manon-"

"Please," she quietly pleaded again.

He let out a low and defeated breath. He circled her hole again. Used her wet center to sooth the opening. Once it was damp, Dorian slowly nudged his finger in. Slowly stretching her. Preparing her.

He gripped himself and gently nudged against the opening. Dorian slowly entered her. Whimpered when he was all the way inside.

Manon closed her eyes tightly, it hurt, but she wanted this so badly. Wanted to try it. Wanted _him_ to be the one who did it.

Dorian didn't move, letting her adjust. He slowly pulled out, groaning at how tight she felt around him. She gritted her teeth, still in pain. He entered her again with one slow stroke and then pulled out, so so so slowly. He put his hands on her waist and pushed into her. Pulled out slowly.

Dorian kept this rhythm, watching Manon's hand grip the grass tighter and tighter with each thrust he made, letting her get used to the foreign intrusion.

Manon moaned in pleasure.

He grunted as he started to move faster and faster, hands gripping Manon's waist, moving her with him. And when he started slamming into her, Manon moaned, over and over. When he knew she was close to release, he slowed down. Resuming his slow thrusting once again.

Manon braced her arms on the grass, slightly looking up at him.

"Dorian, please," she breathed.

He shook his head.

Manon lowered her head down once again. Dorian pulled out and thrusted back in.

He stilled inside her.

Manon tried to move, but with his hands on her waist and his phantoms hands emerging to hold her shoulders down, she couldn't.

"Please," she begged.

"Please, what?" He teased, his breath hot.

"Please, Dorian," she begged. "Please."

Dorian pulled out slowly."Like that Manon?"

"No," she grunted.

He pushed in, hard.

Manon moaned.

"Like how, Manon?" he panted, barely holding on himself.

"Fast," she begged.

Dorian began to thrust quickly."Like that?" Dorian said roughly.

She nodded. "Harder," she moaned.

One of Dorian's phantom hands moved from her shoulder to her hair. It twisted a handful and pulled gently. Manon's head slightly tilting up. He gave her one hard thrust and tugged on her hair. Dorian spread her legs wider with his and continued to move.

"Manon, look."

Manon braced herself on her arms, tilting her head to look at him. He gave her a half smile, trying to smooth out his agonized face. She was glad she wasn't the only one coming undone.

She looked to where they merged...over and over again.

The sight was so raw, that she cried out his name and came.

Dorian thrusted into her two more times and stilled deep inside of her. He bit his lip to contain his roar as he came. Rested his head on her drenched sweaty back, kissed it and gently pulled out of her.

Manon rolled onto her back, body still trembling. She was still panting when Dorian buttoned his pants back up and leaned forward to press a tender kiss to her temple. He brought his shirt over with his phantom hands. He gently turned her over, wetting his shirt with his tongue. He cleaned her...gently rubbing the blood away. He tossed it to the side.

He laid on his side and she laid on hers, facing him.

He put a hand over his face and let out a low sleepy grunt. His face damp, pink coloring his pale chest.

Dorian took her hand and gently brought it to his lips, giving her a tender kiss.

Manon smiled at him. Not even bothering to put her clothes on. She watched him; watched him until he finally closed his eyes, and slowly fell asleep. She looked at him longer, realizing this was her only chance to survey him without getting mocked.

Her own eyes got heavy. She closed them, letting the darkness swallow her up.

* * *

Dorian was asleep on his stomach when he felt warm fingers run up and down his spine. He opened his eyes, eyes slightly blurred, as golden ones met his.

He looked at Manon, whose moon-white hair was wild from the night before. He took a glance at the sky, noting that it was still too early for the others to be awake. He returned his gaze to Manon and studied her. She was still naked, that wild hair covering her breast, so beautiful that it always managed to stop him in his tracks.

Dorian took a deep breath and whispered, "Good Morning, witchling."

Manon gave him a gentle smile, "Good Morning, princeling."

Dorian let out a chuckle.

Manon brushed a finger down his nose, his lips, across his brows.

Dorian watched her. Watched as her fingers traced his face.

He contemplated what they did last night. Wishing he hadn't been so rough. Though she was built to kill a man with her bare teeth, Dorian couldn't help but think of her as fragile. Her eyes always gazing at him with curiosity; her hands always gentle with him. Her heart vulnerable to everything she must be feeling.

Dorian sat up. His chest and face dirty from laying on the ground. Dorian looked at Manon, who was still sprawling on her back. He watched as her fingers gently grazed a flower beside her.

"Manon?"

"Hmm."

"Why did you-why did you want me to do that last night?"

Manon didn't reply.

Dorian noticed her face starting to go dark, so he said, "Did it take the edge off?"

She smiled at him, "No. Not even close."

He smiled at that and watched as she once again spread her legs. Not that Dorian didn't want to, but he wanted more than just her body. Gods, they haven't even had a proper conversation yet.

Dorian looked up at the sky, contemplating what to ask next.

"No," Manon said quietly.

"No?"

"I don't want to talk." She grabbed his hand and moved it to her core. Moved his other hand to her behind. Winced at the contact, sore and sensitive from the night before.

Dorian, noticing her pained face, pulled his hand back quickly. He couldn't do it. _Wouldn't_ do it. He shouldn't have even done _it_ last night. What she asked for wasn't release or need. She wanted him to be rough in ways he didn't want to even imagine. Wanted him to hurt her. Wanted him to cause her pain, thinking she deserved it. He gently placed his hands on either side of her face."You deserve better, Manon."

A tear slide down her soft cheek. Dorian wiped it away with his thumb.

Manon sat up and walked to the river across from them. She let the water pool around her ankles, her hands reaching down to cup water to pour over her core, her behind.

Dorian quietly followed her and did the same.

In the end, Dorian left first.

As he walked closer to the group, he realized that he was as equally as lost as Manon. Realized what last night meant to her. Realized that she trusted him enough to let him do _that_ to her. Realized that he felt more than just lust for her; realized that one day he might open his heart enough to...to...

He shook his head and found a spot near Lorcan. He was about to close his eyes when he noticed someone staring at him. Across from him, Manon's second glared at him.

He should have known that her second would notice her absence. Manon's second was still glaring at him when Manon finally arrived. She froze upon noticing that her second was awake.

Dorian watched as she found a spot, far from her second. Manon shot him a look. Pleading for him to go to sleep.

He watched as her second shifted her gaze to Manon's. Manon's eyes were closed, most likely faking sleep. Her second's glare softened and when she turned her focus back to Dorian... she gave him a slight nod. She turned to her side as she closed her eyes.

Dorian was still staring at Manon.

He looked at that beautiful face, no sign of pain or sadness.

His eyes slowly closed and the darkness welcomed him.


	2. Chapter 2

**A Distraction**

Dorian Havilliard sat alone. He was leaning against the tree from the night before, instead this time Lorcan, Elide, Gavriel, and the thirteen joined him. Elide was collecting water, Lorcan and Gavriel skinning the rabbits they hunted.

Asterin was speaking to her queen in between two trees, making sure they were far away so nobody could hear them. The rest of the thirteen were seated in a circle, talking amongst themselves. Abraxos was frolicking in the flowers.

Dorian was staring at Manon. The only person that he really felt comfortable with. A witch that wouldn't even glance his way. She was avoiding him even more now. He tried speaking to her this morning but she quickly turned away, seeking out one of her thirteen.

Dorian felt like a dog. A dog leashed to his master, waiting for her to acknowledge him. He still staring at her, waiting... waiting for her to glance his way.

He had gone to the woods last night to be alone, away from everyone, away from the mess that was his life.

He was still staring at Manon when Gavriel announced that dinner was ready.

The men made sure Elide and the rest of the witches helped themselves first. Manon said she wasn't hungry and sat by the river, her feet in the warm water.

Dorian helped himself and went back to his spot by the tree. He sat alone...again. He was about to stand to find an even quieter spot, but Manon's second glanced his way. She tilted her head towards Manon, telling him to go sit beside her, to talk to her.

Dorian hesitated, but at last, nodded back. He started walking towards where she was seated, making his footsteps quiet so he wouldn't startle her.

"What do _you_ want?"

"I- I wanted to see if you were okay," Dorian said quietly.

Manon turned to where he sat next to her.

"I- I don't know what to say. What you want _me_ to do," he said.

"I want you to leave me alone. I want _you_ to do what we already agreed on."

" _That_ can't be the only thing we do."

"Well, Dorian... I'm sorry to disappoint you, but that is all I want from you _._ So leave me alone..."

"Manon-"

"Alone."

Dorian sighed. He couldn't leave her like this. He couldn't leave her broken. To fight this _kind_ of battle alone. The same battle he was fighting. The same battle that caused him to use her that night in her cabin. He was so disgusted with himself he wanted to vomit. How could he use her like that? She was right to be angry with him.

"Manon-" He tried again.

"Just stop," she whispered.

Dorian let out a breath. He'll do anything. _Anything_ to get her to smile again.

So he said, "I think I might have wiped my ass with something poisonous...can you check?"

"Goodness," Manon exclaimed," You don't listen do you?"

He chuckled. "Of course not, w _itchling_."

She looked at him and sighed. "Why?" she whispered.

"Because you're lonely...because-" he paused. "Because I might be lonely too... because I- I might have taken advantage last night."

Manon let out an exasperated breath." _I_ followed you remember... _I_ was the one who took advantage."

"Manon-"

She turned to meet his eyes.

"Can we do something?" he said.

Her brow arched.

"I ask you a question and you can ask me one back?"

"What makes you think I want to know anything about you, _p_ _rinceling._ "

He chuckled.

"You see that bird over there, Manon?"

She nodded.

"According to legend, that bird is one of the most deadly of its kind. She kills any male that comes across her." He took a death breath and continued,"That bird...the one you are gazing at, is different from her kind. She chooses not to kill, she is kind. Birds like her kill the male after they are done mating. That one didn't. Perhaps it's because she grew fond of him, perhaps it's because he's the best lover she ever had, or perhaps she realized that life was meant to be shared."

Manon looked at the bird. "She's beautiful."

"She is."

Manon turned her eyes towards him. She thought about what he just told her."Is that truly what legend says?"

He smiled,"No."

Manon glared at him.

He smiled wider, "It's not all a lie. She is _kind_ and _beautiful_. And now that you've asked your question...you can answer mine."

There where so many things he wanted to know. So much to ask. But he said,"Aren't you hungry? You haven't eaten and you must be hungry...and last night-last night we..."

"No. I just want to sit here. I want to be alone. I want..."

"You want..."

She met his eyes, "My turn."

Dorian gave her a small pout. She smiled. "How are you handling it? Aelin being gone. Tortured."

He was hoping she wouldn't ask about Aelin. It killed him. Killed him to know that he played a part in her capture. Killed him that she might be being tortured right this minute, and nobody could do anything about it. Killed him so much that when he found the third key he was going to-

Manon waited.

He couldn't answer. The words getting stuck in his throat. His eyes watering.

"How many have _you_ been with, princeling?" she said, trying to distract him.

He let out a quiet laugh. Thankful for the distraction.

"Apparently enough to make _you_ beg."

Blood turned her cheeks red. It knocked the breath out of him. To see her blushing because of _him_. This witch, this beautiful witch that was his lifeline when he was in his darkest moments.

But he continued, "I've kissed and played with some, but Rosamund was my first love. I thought I loved her but...I was different then. She knew it too, knew that if she stayed, I would at some point lose interest. I was jealous of him...her husband. Jealous that they actually loved each other. I wanted that, and deep down I knew I would never find it. When I saw Celaena, Aelin, I thought I loved her too. I still do, but not as a lover. In a way, she has been the only one to truly protect me. She always comes back for me. I just hope I can do the same." He took a breath, "Sorcha- Sorcha was very special to me. She was my secret. I never told her how I felt, and that is my biggest regret. And when I look at you, I'm ashamed."

Manon's face paled.

"I'm ashamed that my only interaction with you is when we are sleeping together. I've used you. Used your body to fill the loneliness. I'm ashamed because you deserve better. Deserve someone who will love you. Someone who doesn't use you. I'm ashamed that I still want you.I'm ashamed because I feel something for you. I don't know if it's lust, or if it's because I want to know you. Be your friend."

He waited...and waited...and waited for her reply.

Manon looked at him. Taking in everything he said.

"I-I was sixteen when I first slept with a man. I didn't know what I was doing, other witches who were younger than me already had slept with one. I didn't want to, but it was a rite of passage for a witch. When ironteeth witches lose their virginity, they are supposed to kill the man after, and eat his heart, to show that no man will ever have hers." She paused. "He was middle-aged. I wouldn't let him get on top of me...I never let any of them get on top of me. I remember it hurting. He was rough... the fact that I was a virgin made him even rougher with me. I didn't enjoy it. I didn't even let him finish, I bolted. I was so disgusted with myself. I washed my body so many times...trying to get rid of his touch. My grandmother somehow found out... she forced me to sleep with him again. She was angry that I didn't complete the rite. So I did. He tried hurting me...during. I was so angry, at him, at my grandmother, that I ripped out his heart and never looked back. I did it to every other man after. I told you to do that last night, because I knew you would feel guilty about it. Knew that it would make us into animals. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it but...I wanted to hate myself. So I used your body, that act to diminish myself. You knew it too, that's why you hesitated. It wasn't until today that I realized that-that I didn't hate myself. That what we did didn't make me feel like a whore or ashamed. When I look at you, I see kindness. I'm ashamed that I've used you the same way you used me. But... I don't want it to stop. Feelings are foreign to me and I'm going to need some time to figure them out. It's okay for you to use my body. I'm using yours as well. I promise I won't push you away or ignore you, if you don't deny me of the one thing that makes everything go away."

Dorian looked at her. He wasn't sure he was even breathing. His heart was torn. Her words. He didn't know what to say, what to do. He couldn't even move. He nodded. The only thing he was capable of doing."Thank you," he whispered.

"For what?"

"For sharing that with me...for trusting me."

Dorian gently lifted her hand. Put it to his lips; kissed it gently.

Manon was looking at him. Her face softening.

"You want to know a secret?" he said.

She nodded.

"When the Valg Prince was inside me, there was only one thing that kept me sane, a lifeline. You want to know what that was?"

Manon waited.

"It was your name, Manon."

He watched her. Surveyed her. Her eyes focused on her hands. She looked up and leaned forward. She placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. Pulled back and gave him a shy smile. She stood up and quietly walked away.

Dorian didn't know what to make of it. He now knew a piece of her. His heart broke for what she had told him. Even though they agreed that their sexual relationship will continue, He didn't want to be like that man. He didn't want her to feel like she owed him anything. Didn't want her to feel like a piece of meat, dangling for him. He looked back to see where she was headed. He sighed, took on the last look at the river, and stood.


	3. Chapter 3

**Better**

Another day had passed and they were still no closer to the key than yesterday. They didn't even know where to begin. Manon was getting frustrated. The heat was unbearable, half the group was in a state of undress.

She removed herself from where the group was sleeping and made way for the woods. She understood why Dorian liked spending his nights here. It was quiet, dark, a place to isolate oneself.

Abraxos noticed her and quietly followed. When she was near the river, she began to strip. She sat and leaned her back against Abraxos's wing. She pulled her hair to the side, peeling it away from her sweaty neck. Closed her eyes and sighed. Abraxos fell into a deep sleep quickly, most likely tired from flying with her this morning.

She slowly opened her eyes when she felt _him_ sit beside her.

He gave her a lazy smile.

Dorian placed his hand behind her neck, slowly caressed her bare back and thighs, using his magic to cool her down.

"Better?"

She nodded.

Manon surveyed him. He wasn't wearing a shirt, nor shoes, and his raven black hair stood up at odd angles. She looked at the scar that ran along his neck, lifted a finger and traced it.

"How?"

He took a deep breath and said,"After my father killed Sorscha. I used my magic to give Chaol and Aedion time to run but...My magic ran out, I was caught. He put the collar around my throat. When he tried to kill Chaol-" he paused, "I killed him."

Manon looked at him, noticed the guilt in his eyes.

"I-I killed my sister," she said quietly.

"Manon-"

She shook her head.

"Chaol?"

Dorian sighed, he moved his hands to her shoulders, cold fingers stroking up and down.

"You met him already, held him hostage in Oakwald. I can't wait to see his face when he sees you again. You should've seen him when we were children, I couldn't even play without Chaol making sure there wasn't anything dangerous lying around," he chuckled.

Manon studied him, noticed how alive and animated he became when he started talking about Chaol.

He continued, "He's my best friend, I love him. Thank goodness you didn't kill each other. Where would I be without my two favorite people in the world," he crooned.

She snorted.

"How old are you Manon?" he asked suddenly.

Manon calculated. All of a sudden feeling a heavy weight on her shoulders. Calculated all the killings, all the years she was a monster; still a monster. But she said,"Have a thing for older women, _princeling_?"

"So you are a woman?" he jeered

Manon glared at him. He smiled.

Dorian took a deep breath. "I don't think I want to be King," he said, lowering his eyes to the ground.

"I don't think I want to be Queen."

He looked at her.

Manon turned away and studied the water. Contemplating what he told her yesterday. _Her_ name. _His_ lifeline.

There was a long pause and the air between them got quieter. Only the sounds of lapping water and leaves bristling.

She was about to put her clothes back on when she noticed the change in Dorian. She felt it. A strange pull. She tugged at it and felt emptiness, sadness, but also a flicker of ...

"Will you remember me when I die?" Dorian whispered.

She forced her eyes away from the river to look at him, his face no longer holding any mischief.

He was looking at his hands, avoiding her stare.

He looked so vulnerable. S _o broken_ , that Manon pushed the hair out of his eyes and leaned forward to kiss his cheek. She gently placed her fingers on either side of his face, making him look at her.

The thought that he would one day die made Manon's stomach hurt. She couldn't imagine him dying, never even considered it. She couldn't imagine a world where this beautiful man didn't exist. Couldn't imagine a world without that beautiful mocking smile.

She barely only reached the surface of knowing him, yet she felt like words were meaningless when he looked at her. As if he knew every part of her. This emotion was so foreign to her. She couldn't describe it. It felt like she couldn't breathe.

She realized that in her whole long existence it's only been her and her thirteen, and that wasn't enough anymore.

Realized that she was tired, tired of people depending on her. Tired of being the strong one all the time, so strong that nobody realized her breaking, slipping away.

Dorian was the only one who has ever truly looked at her, understood her. This broken king. So beautiful. So kind.

She realized that Dorian was the only one to ever see her when _she_ was at her most vulnerable. Realized that it didn't matter whether or not they found the key, Dorian will always die at the end, _always_.

It wasn't until she felt Dorian's thumb on her cheek that she realized she was crying. He moved her to his lap. Gently ran his fingers through her hair. She met his eyes and kissed him. She tugged at his hair, moved her hands down his chest.

Dorian removed his mouth to kiss her shoulder.

He gently lifted her fingers, before she had a chance to tug at his pants.

He kissed away the warm tears that rolled down her cheeks. Held her. Held her until she eventually fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Rain**

Dorian studied Manon from where he was perched. She was asleep, breathing in and out gently. She was still naked, but Dorian ignored that. He ran his hand through his messy raven-black hair. He didn't expect that reaction from her last night. He didn't even know why he asked.

He had held her last night, kissed the tears away; He didn't know how to make them stop.

He had felt her pain, her confusion. And it was such a strange feeling, he couldn't describe it. He felt it in his blood, his bones. It scared him. Scared him that he needed her. Needed her to keep his darkness away. Felt a need to protect her, piece her back together.

He sighed.

He noticed Manon shifting. Her dark lashes slightly moving. Her swollen eyelids slowly parting. Slowly she lifted her head, surveyed her surroundings. She lifted her body, and placed her fingers on a sleeping Abraxos, rubbing him. She was avoiding meeting his eyes.

"The others already headed out. They said that despite the heat yesterday, it's going to be freezing tonight; It might even rain. They went to search for the nearest inn."

He paused and studied her. Studied her tired body.

"Your second and third didn't want to go. I didn't think you would want to see them just yet. I thought it would be best if we stayed behind, caught up to them later."

She finally met his eyes. Manon nodded and turned away to study her hands."I'm sorry," she said quietly.

"It's not a weakness to cry, Manon. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

She closed her eyes and gently rubbed them. Ran a hand through her knotted hair. Quietly he stood from where he was sitting and collected her clothes. He gently helped her get dressed, noticed her slightly confused face.

"It's best we get going. If we leave now, we might just get there before dinner," he said.

* * *

Dorian collected their things while Manon watched Abraxos eat. Dorian tried making small talk, but she only replied with a nod. Her silence was driving him mad. He unpacked the food her second had left her. He put it in front of her.

She shook her head.

"You need to eat, Manon."

She shook her head again.

" _Please,"_ he begged.

She raised her head, looked at him, and slowly began to eat.

"When I was a boy, I once stole a pie from the kitchen. Ate every last bit by myself, he quietly chuckled. " I was sick for days."

When she didn't reply, Dorian continued. "I once spilled tea on Aelin's dress. Aedion nearly killed me. On one of his visits, he tripped me into a rosebush."

Still no reply.

"My first kiss was awful. My first _time_ was even worse. I was so embarrassed that I almost fled the room." He paused. " I love it when it rains, though I hate the sound of lighting."

He studied her. Manon was still avoiding his eyes.

" I-"

"Dorian, stop! I don't care! I don't! I don't need you to look after me. Don't need you to hold me. I-I don't need you at all!"

Dorian stilled. Shocked. He was trying to control his temper, but he lost that battle quickly."You act like you don't care about anything, but in reality...you care about everything! Why can't you just admit it? What are you so afraid of?"

Manon ignored his question. "At least I don't sit back and let everyone coddle me! You run away at every chance you get! Trying to avoid the inevitable. You can't change it, Dorian! It's either going to be you or Aelin at the end."

Dorian's heart quickly slowed. He swallowed. "I know," he said quietly." I know."

He avoided her eyes. Sighed, and quietly whispered ,"When I find the last key...I'm-I'm going to do it."

"Dorian-"

He shook his head.

"Aelin has sacrificed so much. I was born with a silver spoon. She _deserves_ to be Queen. My people hate my guts. They don't need another Havilliard on that throne." He paused. "Aelin is married. Immortal. Her and Rowan will one day have powerful heirs. And _I_ will be left to rot. If I must die...Let me at least die for my friends. I can't think of any greater death."

Manon stared at him. Her face utterly still.

They both were silent for a long moment.

"I'm 116. Asterin, My second, is my cousin. I've known her almost my whole existence. Abraxos saved me from the wyvern I originally wanted. I don't remember my first kiss, it wasn't anything special to me." She paused, then continued."I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I am a monster, that I will continue to be a monster. I'm afraid ... that one day I will be alone. I'm afraid to look at you. Because eveytime I do, I see a part of me in you. That loneliness. Emptiness."

Dorian looked at his hands. "I'm afraid too," was his only reply.

He looked at Abraxos.

"We should get going," she said.

Dorian nodded.

* * *

It was late when they arrived. The inn was anything but shabby. Golden Chandeliers hung from the ceiling. Big pillars lined the dining hall.

Manon noticed all the men taking glances at her, then shifting their gaze to Dorian and turning away. Compared to the blistering heat from yesterday...it was freezing. Manon had to send Abraxos away, along with the other wyverns; trying to blend in with their surroundings.

Dorian and Manon asked the attendant for one room, saying that they were husband and wife. Once they were down the hall they silently parted. Manon heading to Asterin's room, and Dorian going to his .

Manon silently opened the door, trying not to disturb Asterin. But she was wide awake, smiling at Manon.

"About time you got here," she said." That idiot Lorcan was getting on my nerves. Who does he think he is? He's been pestering Elide. I swear...next time he even tries to get close to her, I'll gut him."

Manon wasn't in the mood to talk, but she had to go along. Pretend. Asterin most likely already knew about her breakdown last night. Especially if Dorian had sent her away.

"I'll help you."

Manon closed her eyes. Exhausted.

"Manon, Are you okay? Dorian didn't tell us anything, but he really recommended we leave without you. He looked so worried, I just..."

Manon shook her head. "It was nothing," she said quietly.

"Manon-"

"Nothing."

Asterin only shook her head.

Manon took off her clothes, glad to be rid of the filth.

She slipped into the warm sheets, Layering the blankets over her. She waited until Asterin fell asleep.

* * *

Late in the night, she heard the little patter of rain on the window. Remembered that Dorian loved the rain. She gently tried pulling at that strange thread from the night before.

Awake. He was awake.

She looked to where Asterin laid, making sure she was deep asleep.

She quietly wrapped her blanket around her bare form and tipped toed into the hall. Silently she walked to his door. She laid her forehead against it. Ashamed that once again she was looking for him. Ashamed that once again she was putting herself in this position. Damaging herself even more.

Slowly the door unlocked, as if he already felt her presence.

She took a deep breath and turned the knob.


	5. Chapter 5

**Promise**

He was sitting on the couch, his back facing her. A book in his hands.

Manon quietly walked towards him. He knew she was in his room, but he still didn't bother to look up. Manon stopped in back of him. Closed her eyes. Leaned down and gently kissed his shoulder. Rested her forehead against it.

"Why, Manon? Why do you fight me? We take one step forward, two steps back. I'm trying- trying to help you and you just keep pushing me away. You said you needed time to sort out your feelings, and I understand, but... We can't keep doing this to each other. I want you. And I know I told you I wanted you as a friend, but I can't. You can have my body, I don't care. But at least let me help you."

"I don't know," she whispered into his bare shoulder.

She heard him toss the book to the side. It landed with a hard thud. She opened her eyes and wrapped the blanket tighter around herself and walked until she was in front of him. Dorian pulled her toward him. Sat her on his lap. He loosened her fingers from her blanket, intertwined them with his.

"Manon, I don't know what to do. I don't know how any of this is going to end. Me. You. The war. Sometimes- sometimes I think it would be better if..."

He shook his head.

"Better if what?"

He looked away.

"Dorian?"

"Better if I wasn't here. Wishing that you would of killed me in Oakwald. Wishing that it wasn't Aelin in that box. And that's the thing. There is something I can do. Elena said I wasn't ready. But I am now. I am. So when I find that key, Manon. When I find it...I'm-"

She lifted his head. Made him look at her.

"You can't. I won't let you."

He looked away.

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"That's your answer for everything."

He turned to look at her. Ran his thumb against her lower lip."Get what you came here for, Manon ."

"Dorian-"

He shook his head.

"Can I see them?"

She blinked; confused.

He pulled her lower lip down. Ran a finger over her teeth.

She slowly released her iron fangs.

Dorian ran his finger down one. Winced when he cut himself. She quickly retracted them. Took his finger and gently sucked on it.

She couldn't describe the taste. She had tasted plenty of men before, but this...

"Manon, will you do something for me?"

She nodded.

He ran his bloody finger down her cheek. Leaving a slight smudge.

She kissed the inside of his wrist.

Dorian lifted her from his lap. Walked to the middle of the room. He held his hand out towards her."Dance with me?"

She tilted her head."But there isn't any music."

He let out a small laugh.

"Please, witchling. Will you please dance with me?"

She took a small breath and walked towards him. Wrapped her blanket under her arms. Tied it into a knot. She pulled her braid to the side.

He put his hand around her waist, the other intertwining with her hand. She has never danced before. She felt pink coloring her cheeks.

Dorian slowly moved them back and forth. The loud rain breaking the silence between them.

"I'm sorry," she said." Sorry that I yelled at you. I was mad at myself. Mad that I let myself fall apart in front of you."

She turned her head away. Avoiding meeting his eyes.

He gently held her jaw, turning it towards him."Don't turn away, Manon. I want to see all of you. I don't care about your past. Don't care about what they say about you. You're the most beautiful creature I've ever seen. I'm not afraid of you. I want to know you- know every last inch of you. One day, Manon...I'm going to make love to you. But not today."

And he kissed her. Moved her toward the wall. His tongue met hers and he let out a low growl.

He unknotted her blanket and tossed it to the side. He hooked her legs around his waist and pulled his pants down. Slid his hand down, quickly making her wet, and buried himself deep inside her.

His movements were rough, and Manon loved it.

He plunged in and out quickly. Her toes curled.

"Dorian," she moaned.

He let out a small chuckle. Pulled out.

She almost slid to the ground, but he quickly lifted her and devoured her mouth; moving her to the bed. He set her down and he kneeled. Grabbed under her knees and pulled her towards him. Spread her wide open.

Dorian breathed her in. He met her eyes and placed gentle kisses around her core. Licked around her lips. Teasing her. He moved his mouth higher, teeth grazing the light hair she had there.

He raised his head to look at her face. She was biting her lip. Waiting for him to undo her.

Dorian brought his head down and gave her a long slow lick.

"Oh Goddess," she moaned.

Dorian spread her lips apart with his fingers and entered his tongue. He pulled it back and blew into her. Making her leak even more.

She yanked at his hair. Trying to keep him there.

He slowly ran a finger around her edges. Entered his finger slowly, stretching her. Entered another.

Manon was thrashing above him. Wanting more. He was moving so, so, so slowly. It was driving her crazy.

He pushed in slowly once, and then went full force. Moving his fingers in and out, hitting that spot every time.

"Dorian, I'm going to-"

He pulled out. And watched as she came.

Dorian gently scooped her up with a finger. He put it in her mouth.

"Suck."

So she did.

Before he even had time to grab her, Manon pushed him onto his back and slid down.

His length was wet. Wet with her. She ran a finger down him. Ran her finger down a vein. She put her mouth on him, sucked once, and pulled away. She did this several times until Dorian at last twisted his hands in her hair and roughly pulled her down. She sucked quickly.

"Manon-"

She yanked her head away and watched. Watched as warm spurts came out of him.

She ran a finger down him, scooping him up.

"Suck."

So Dorian did.

He pulled her over him.

"Turn, Manon."

She turned, her back facing him. He laid his hand on her back, pushed it down.

Dorian pushed her hips up and began to lick at her core. Manon fisted the sheets on either side of his legs. Her mouth was near his length. She turned her head back to quickly look at him. He gave her a small nod.

She moved his length towards her mouth and sank down. He groaned. She worked him slowly, making him hard again each time. Trying to fit everything in. He was moving quickly, so quickly that she would often have to stop midway and moan around him. She felt his hips rise up, trying to push deeper into her mouth. Manon placed a hand around him and stroked what she couldn't fit.

"Shit."

She laughed around him.

Dorian pulled her off him and turned her around once again. This time making her core hover above his face. Manon grabbed the headboard as he gently hooked his hands under her legs, Squeezed her behind, and sank her down.

Manon whimpered. Loving this position. She moved on him. Dorian abandoned his licking, choosing to suck and pull at her instead.

When he felt her get close, he lifted her, moving her core down. He interlaced their fingers. Held her gaze.

Manon took him in between her soaked lips, stroked him. Teased him.

"Shit."

She smiled.

She clenched their fingers together and finally sank down.

She stilled once he was all the way in. She felt his length stretch her. Fill her.

She moved up and down. Creating a slow pace. She watched his face the whole time. Watched as he threw his head back. Watched as his lips parted. Watched as he bit his lip.

She began moving up and down quickly, her breast bouncing, Sweat running in-between them.

"Manon, I'm so close."

She moved faster. And then stilled.

Dorian's hands quickly went for her hips, but she forcefully pushed them away.

She pulled herself off him.

"I want to watch," she breathed.

Dorian shook his head, hands reaching for her.

" _Please._ "

He sighed. Looked her over. Took in her face, her breast, lower. He placed a hand on himself and gently began to tug.

Manon moved towards him. Kissed his temple, his cheek. She pushed the hair out of his eyes and looked down to where Dorian's hand was moving quickly. She placed her mouth on his ear.

"Are you going to cum, Dorian?"

He groaned.

"Are you going to cum for me?

"Please," he begged

She chuckled,"Please what ?"

"Please."

She moved down to where he was working, sucked once, and watched as he came.

* * *

Dorian fell back on the bed utterly exhausted. This witch will be the death of him.

Manon was stretching above him. Letting him see her in all her glory. She was beautiful. Her hair was damp, no longer in a neat braid. Her lips were a little swollen, but her face... Her face was so alive. So full of color, that Dorian smiled.

She laid on her stomach. Kissed his shoulder.

"Manon that was..."

"I know."

Dorian pulled her close.

* * *

M anon moved to her side. Drew lazy circles on his chest. Watched as his eyes slowly began to close.

She made a decision. Decided that she will tell him everything. That she would let him in. Decided that she wanted this. Wanted to know more about him. Wanted more nights with him. Wanted to wake up next to him.

Manon turned away to get off the bed, but was pulled back by a phantom hand.

"Stay."

Manon paused. Listened to the thunder that was beginning to roar.

She looked at him. Laid down under the thick blankets and let the darkness take her.

* * *

It was still pouring buckets outside when Manon woke up in the middle of the night.

She felt something hard against her backside. She slowly moved to turn, but stilled when she felt Dorian sucking on her neck. She arched, giving him more access. She felt the skin slowly start bruise.

Manon placed her hand on top of his and slowly guided it down. She helped him press small circles. Helped him make her wet.

Dorian hooked his hand under her knee, pulled it towards his chest. She took his length and gently guided it in her.

She bit her lip as he slowly moved. She was still half asleep, but the haziness made it so much more intimate. He whispered in her ear. She didn't catch what he was saying, but he murmured it over and over.

Manon moaned into Dorian's mouth as she came.

* * *

Dorian entered her. She was so tight around him. His hands held her down as he slowly thrust into her. She was on her hands and knees. Her face buried in the pillow. She murmured something.

"What was that?"

She moaned.

Dorian quickened his pace. Making her grasp the sheets tightly.

He stilled. Loving when she whimpered when he would stop. Pulled her hips higher and thrust back in, hard and fast. Hands holding her hips tightly, leaving red marks.

He stilled again. Leaned down and kissed her spine. Moved his fingers to her bundle of nerves, and began thrusting quickly.

Stilled again.

"Dorian, you bastard."

He chuckled. Moved his mouth to her ear. "I want to watch."

He pulled out of her and laid her on her back. Brought her hand down. Slowly helped her move circles around herself. He pulled back and watched.

Her golden eyes met his, and she slowly ran a finger up and down her slit. She rubbed her swollen nub and put a finger inside herself. Dorian watched. Watched as her back arched. Watched as her lips parted. He put his hands on her knees and spread her wider. Watching as she moved her fingers quickly. He moved his mouth towards her ear.

"Are you going to cum, Manon?"

She moaned.

He smiled,"Are you going to cum for me?"

She bit her lip.

"Cum for me."

Manon whimpered.

"Cum."

And she did.

* * *

The lighting was so loud that Dorian startled awake. Turned to the figure beside him. Manon was asleep, her moon-white hair splayed on the pillow. He groaned. Sat up and ran a hand down his face. He was an idiot. Idiot for not letting her go. He knew they were toeing a dangerous line, knew it from the first time she offered herself.

He felt warm fingers run up his spine. Felt her sit up and kiss his shoulder. She pushed him down and laid her head on his chest. Dorian intertwined their hands.

"Tell me," she said quietly.

"Tell you what?"

"Everything."

He raised his head to look at her. She gave him a small smile.

"What do you want to know?"

She paused. Not knowing where to start.

"You like reading?"

He chuckled,"More than anything in this world."

"Why?"

"Because- because it gives me hope. Books take me away from all this. Books show me how to love, how to live, and how to die. They also were there when I was at my loneliest. Helped me fill my emptiness."

"Do I fill your emptiness?"

He kissed the top of her head.

"You do way more than that, Manon."

She took a deep breath.

"My name?" she paused,"Why?"

"I don't know. I just remember thinking how beautiful you were. And then the Valg prince said something about your eyes. Eyes of the Valg Kings." He sighed. "You saved me, Manon. Your name saved me."

Manon looked up at him. Dorian ran his fingers through her hair.

"Princeling?"

He smiled.

"What was it like," she asked quietly. "To love?"

He studied her. Looked how curious her face was. Looked at her innocence. The fact that she had to ask that question made his chest ache.

Dorian paused.

He didn't even really know the answer himself. He loved Sorscha, but she was taken away from him so suddenly. He loved Aelin, but she never loved him that way back. Rosamund was fleeting.

He turned to her and gently placed a kiss on her lips.

* * *

He told her everything she wanted to know. Told her about his childhood, his favorite books, even his most private thoughts. She wanted to know it all. But now it was his turn to ask the questions.

"Who was your first kill?"

"A Crochan girl. I took her cloak as a trophy. I killed her because I thought that was what I was supposed to do, what I was made for."

Dorian watched as her face became darker and darker with every question he asked.

He hated it. Hated what her grandmother had done to her. Deprived her of human emotion. Deprived her of a world she so desperately needed. So desperately belonged to.

He kissed her temple as her eyes began to water.

* * *

"Witchling?"

She smiled.

She was laying on top of him. Her fingers gently digging into his skin, not ready to let him go.

"Do you want children?"

She hadn't given much thought into ever having children. Never cared for it. Never thought it would be possible. Possible for her to bear a man's child. Carry it inside of her.

"Do _you_ want children?"

He paused.

"Someday."

She put her hands on his chest and sat up. She looked into his eyes. Searched for any sign of sadness. Any sign that he had given up. But there was none. And for once they finally showed hope.

"I don't know," she said quietly.

He took her hands and gently brought them to his lips.

"I can make you happy, Manon."

"Dorian-

He shook his head. Ran a hand down his face and sighed.

She laid back down. Rested her head on his chest. He ran his fingers down her spine. Across the bruise on her neck. The bruises on her hips.

Manon didn't understand. Didn't understand the person she was when she was with him. She could be anything with him. Can ask him anything. She didn't know why he asked her about wanting children, but the thought of it slightly made her panic. Panic that one day she will have to sleep with another man, carry a witchling inside of her, mother it. That _he_ will one day have a wife, who would bear his children, will sleep beside him every night.

Manon never thought of the consequences of sharing a bed with Dorian. But it overwhelmed her. Overwhelmed her to know that once this was over, he will marry and move on.

She had slept with plenty of men, but... Dorian was different. Manon had never slept with a man that even bothered to know her name. Never spoken a word to them. But with Dorian... He made her feel free- free to explore. He made her comfortable. And for the first time in her life, he made her feel loved. A feeling she has never known. Never thought of knowing. It scared her- scared her because if he asked...if he asked she would be his. Have more time to know him. Have eternity to know him. She couldn't even imagine herself sleeping with anyone else. Didn't want to think that one day she would have to. He would sit on his throne with his wife, have children, and then die.

Manon ran her fingers down his face.

"Princeling?"

He gave her a gentle kiss. Telling her to continue

"Promise me something?"

He nodded.

"Promise me..."

Dorian studied her.

"Promise me that one day you will forget."

"Forget what?" He asked, slightly confused.

"Me. Forget all of this. Forget what it's like. Because- because once this is over...you have to leave. You have to be king. And I have to be Queen. Don't turn back and don't look for me."

"Manon-"

"We can't. And you know we can't. Not if you want Ardalan to accept you as their King. Not if I'm to return to the Wastes and be Queen. But we have now, and even if it's not long, I will remember. I will remember you when you die. I'll make sure that your heirs and their heirs are always safe. You once told me I deserve better, but you deserve it even more. You deserve a wife who will love you. Who can give you children. Who can sit on that throne with you, help you. I'm never going to die, you will. You need somebody to grow with you... to experience life with you. That person can't be me. Will never be me."

She watched as his eyes watered. As a tear slid down his cheek. She kissed them.

"Promise me that you will let me go?"

He shook his head.

"Promise me. You have to promise me, Dorian."

She tugged at that invisible bond. Felt it. Felt the hurt; the pain. She watched as he slowly came to his senses. Realizing what she said was true. That he really did have to let her go.

He nodded. Spilling even more tears. She intertwined one hand with hers. Kissed it. Manon rested her head on his chest. Listened as his heart went silent once again. She closed her eyes and fell asleep. Dreamed. Dreamed that he was hers. Dreamed of a life that could never be.


	6. Chapter 6

**Stay**

Dorian quietly lifted himself up. He ran a hand down his face. Utterly exhausted. He looked to where Manon was laying beside him. Her hair was a mess, her breast exposed. He gently traced his finger along her body. Caressing every mark he had left on her. He moved a small strand of hair from her face. The thought that he would one day have to let her go made him sick. But he had now, and he would make the most of it.

He heard the sound of heavy rain and wind outside. Most likely they will have to stay enclosed in the inn. Another setback. Another day of Aelin being tortured in that goddamn box.

Dorian sighed. He gently lifted the blankets off himself, trying not to disturb Manon. He about got off the bed when he felt a warm hand brush against his spine.

"Stay."

Dorian looked at her and laid on his side beside her, his nose touching hers.

"Morning, princeling," she whispered, lips grazing his mouth.

"Morning, witchling," he whispered back.

He gently kissed her.

She gave him a small smile.

He hated it. Hated that he had to let her go. Hated that he would one day have to wake up with someone else beside him. Hated himself for seeking her out so quickly after being released from the Valg prince. Hated how easy it was becoming to move on after Sorscha. He realized that his mother and Aelin had been right, he could never marry for love, he would never know true happiness; perhaps that was his punishment, punishment for all the lives he had taken when he was imprisoned.

She lifted a finger and ran it along the scar on his neck. He took his and ran it along the scar on her stomach. She was looking at him with such fascination. He arched a brow."What?"

She shook her head."I've never woken up next to someone. Never slept beside someone."

He kissed the tip of her nose. The corner of her mouth. Her neck. Knotted his hands in her hair, moved her on top of him. She put her hands on his chest and straddled him. "Manon-"

She leaned down and kissed him. Smiled.

Dorian admired her above him. Her white hair creating a curtain around them. Her breast sensitive to the chill of the morning. Her full lips. He stroked her flesh.

"I want you. I want every inch of you. You're beautiful Manon. But it's not just that. You see the world beautifully. Despite the killings. Despite what people think of you. You're more than any of that. You walked away. And it hurts me to think that nobody will ever get a glimpse of who you really are."

She turned away. Dorian gently moved her chin towards him. Making her meet his eyes. "Promise me something?"

She looked at him. Her smile and sleepy mood now gone. No doubt worried about what he was about to ask. What he wanted _her_ to promise.

"When I'm no longer here. I want you...I want you to wake up next to someone for the rest of your life. Wake up and smile at him, the way you just did. I want you to tell him everything. Every beautiful and broken piece of you. I want you to find someone that will teach you how to love. Someone that will love you and take you as you are. Someone that _you l_ ove. Create a life with him. Have a trillion witchlings. Just- just let someone know the real you. Can you promise me that?"

He studied her. Watched as a hundred different expressions crossed her face. She nodded. Leaned down and kissed him once again. Kissed his eyelids. His cheek. Neck.

"I think we should stop promising things," she whispered, lips hovering above his. He gave her a gentle peck.

"How does the whole mate thing work? I mean... Aelin and Rowan. I assumed, but..."

She moved off of him, laid her head on his chest. She intertwined their hands.

"I don't think witches have mates. We have something else. A bond that is different. A sort of oath. It's unbreakable. It's an honor for witches to have a bond. A person to lean on; someone who will never betray you, who cares for you. It's a sister oath. For some reason, I think Asterin and I share that bond. I've treated her so cruel and...I don't think I've ever told her how much she means to the coven."

"And to you."

"And to me."

He sighed."So, no bond?"

She looked at him. Her expression unreadable. She ran her hand over his chest and stopped at his abdomen. As if searching for something.

"I smelled it on them. Rowan and Aelin. A mating bond is supposed to tie you to a person, body and soul. You aren't really given a choice. I've seen people of total opposites be mated. Kind to cruel. But, I think it might be possible to have more than one mate. If one mate were to die, another will begin to take form. But rarely does that happen. Only those who are strong enough to let themselves move on will be blessed with that gift."

"Aelin." he said quietly. It seemed a lifetime ago, but he remembered her song at the piano. The song right after he taught Nehemia the basics of using a sword. He also remembers the days after he was released from the Valg prince. Remembered her telling him to light up the darkness. She also had told him more about Sam Cortland.

Manon looked at him. Confused.

"Aelin knew a boy... he was tortured to death. I wonder if he was also her mate."

"Did she love him?"

He nodded.

"How?"

"How what?" he asked.

"How did she survive it. How can you humans move on."

Dorian looked at her. He took a long pause. Considered what she was saying.

"Manon...I think you- I think some people just have to. We are all going to die someday. Except you, of course. I think there is a lot more to us _humans._ I think the worst thing is that you think you have time. But time quickly runs out; so it's best to do everything you want. Don't regret a thing, don't hold back what you truly feel, because it's going to end anyway."

She met his gaze, ran her thumb across his lips, leaned down and kissed him. Kissed the tips of his fingers.

"Manon-"

She kissed his neck. Trailed her hand down his stomach. Touched the tip of him. He gently pushed her hand away. "This is dangerous."

"What is?"

"The fact that we make promises. The fact that you promised to let me in, but then go back to shutting me out. The fact that we lean on each other. The fact that you lay here one moment, holding my hand. Tell me everything about yourself, then as soon as we walk out the door we pretend we don't even know each other. The fact that I can't hold your hand in public. I can't kiss you. I think it's going to kill me. Kill me that I want you that way. I know I shouldn't but..." He ran a hand down his face. "But I'm too selfish to let you go. I don't expect you to feel the same way but...after these last few days, do you feel anything at all for me?"

He waited. Watched her get off the bed and look for her clothes. Then realizing she hadn't brought any. She wrapped the blanket around herself and walked towards the door. Quietly shutting it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Break Your Heart**

Manon was standing in the hall. Her back pressed to the door. She sighed and reached for the knob behind her, quietly turned it and once again entered Dorian's room. She let out a small breath. She was facing the door, scared to turn. Scared to meet his eyes. She heard him walk towards her, stopping to stand behind her. Waiting for her to turn. Slowly she faced him. Took in his beautiful boyish features. She walked to the vast bed, sitting at the edge, her blanket slightly loose. Dorian kneeled before her. He placed his hands on her thighs. Manon gently ran her fingers through his hair.

"I'll break your heart, Dorian."

"You can't. You can't break one that is already broken."

He closed his eyes. She ran her fingers along his lashes.

"Every woman that I've ever loved has been taken from me.I'm selfish. Selfish for wanting you to be the one that won't leave me. Wanting to hear those words come out of your mouth. I just needed to know. Needed to know that someone will miss me. Needed to feel something. I don't mean to pressure you but..." He sighed. "Just tell me the truth, Manon. I just need an answer."

Manon was silent.

He shook his head. Kissed the inside for her wrist.

"Let's just forget about it." He lifted himself off the ground and placed a kiss on her forehead. "We should get dressed. They'll be looking for us soon."

She nodded.

She followed Dorian with her eyes. Watching his bare body as he picked up his clothing that was scattered from the night before. Searching his bag for something clean.

"Dorian, can I borrow some clothes?"

He looked her up and down. His somber mood fading. Shook his head. Manon threw a pillow at him.

"There are some parts _you really don't want to break_ , w _itchling,"_ he chuckled.

She threw another. Dorian caught it. Held it midair.

" _Don't,"_ she laughed.

Dorian smiled.

"I'm serious, Dorian. _I will_ bite it off."

"You'll have to get closer to do that."

Dorian chucked the pillow. Manon caught it, but before she even had a chance to throw; Dorian pinned her wrist to the mattress. His lips hovering over hers. His sapphire eyes teasing her. Manon tried to move but she was stuck. He gently placed a kiss on her lips. He loosened the grip on her wrists. She placed her hands on his neck, her thumb brushing his cheek.

Their breathing slowed.

" _How_? _How_ can you think that I do not feel anything for you," she whispered.

She gently kissed the tip of his nose. His cheek. Dorian moved his lips to her neck. He breathed her in. Manon ran her fingers through his hair. Down his bareback.

" _How,_ " she murmured, as he captured her lips. Manon felt him throbbing in between her legs. She moved her head to the side to catch her breath. Dorian moved his lips to nibble at her ear."It's going to shatter me to pieces. _You're g_ oing to shatter me to pieces." She placed her hand over his heart. Dorian's teeth gently tugged at her lips. "I don't understand..."

His lips hovered,"Don't understand what?"

He stared at her. Ran his fingers through her moon-white hair. Their lips met again. They kissed until Manon was out of breath. Dorian returned his lips to her neck.

"Don't understand why I feel this way. Feel like I'm going to combust. Shatter." Manon closed her eyes as Dorian continued to play with her neck."...from wanting you so much. From wanting you everywhere. Gods, I feel it in my bones. It's so overwhelming. This want. This want that is going to shatter me. This strange pull. I'm in pieces, Dorian. _Pieces._ And I don't know what to do." She shook her head frantically,"I don't know what to-"

Dorian kissed her.

"You make me hate you. You make me want to kiss you. You make me want you," she panted in between breaths.

Dorian's sapphire eyes met her gold ones. He gave her a breathtaking smile. Manon moved her lips to his ear.

"My princeling," she murmured."My prince."

Dorian stilled. Letting her words sink in. She ran her hands down his back as she waited. Felt his warm lips caress her ear.

"King," he teased.

"Queen," she replied.

He bent down to give her a slow kiss.

"Queen," he murmured on her lips.

Dorian sat up, still in between Manon's legs. Smiling.

Manon lifted herself up on her elbows. Ran a hand down Dorian's abdomen. Brushing the small hairs. He leaned down to kiss her. Moved to pull away.

Manon trapped him with her legs. "Do we _really_ have to?"

Dorian opened the upper half of her blanket. Exposing her breasts. He leaned down and pressed a slow kiss in between them. Rested his head. He nodded. She bit her lip. Ran her fingers through his already messy black hair. Deep in thought.

"Dorian?"

He lifted his head.

"Now," she whispered. "We have now."

He searched her eyes. Slowly nodded.

"Always. _You have me always_."

Their lips met. Manon pulled away and glanced at the window. Dorian lifted himself off her. He searched his bag. Pulled out a white tunic, dark pants.

"The pants won't fit. But..."

She got off the bed. Her blanket falling to the ground. She walked to him. Took the shirt from his hands. Stood on her toes to kiss him. He intertwined his fingers in her hair. His tongue entered her mouth. Manon sighed. She pulled away to head to the small bath in the other room. Turned on the faucet. Tossed the shirt to the side and waited until the water was warm.

* * *

Dorian entered the room several minutes later. Manon was in the tub, her eyes closed, hair hanging to the side. He sat on the floor behind her. His fingers caressing her scalp. Manon groaned. She opened her eyes to see Dorian hovering above her. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead. He watched as she sank below the water to wet her hair. Dorian searched the room until he found the little bottles of rose scented shampoo. He poured some into his hand and gently began to move his fingers through her hair. Manon sat up straight, her knees pulled to her chest, arms resting on the edge of the tub.

"Join me?"

He shook his head."We'll never leave this room."

Manon moved her head to the side as Dorian continued to lather her hair. He reached to grab a small towel, put some soap on it. He washed her bare shoulders. He paused once his hand reached her lower regions.

"Here," he whispered, handing her the towel.

She silently stared at him. Stared at him until he sighed in defeat and started to move his hand. He moved gently at first. Making sure not to clean too harshly. It took all his restraint to simply wash her. Tempted to slip his finger inside of her. The fact that Manon was arching her back didn't help. Dorian's bare finger briefly came in contact with Manon's center. He felt his resolve breaking when he felt how wet she was. But at last he pulled away. Handed her the towel and moved to sit away from the tub. Opting to put some space between him and temptation. Manon smirked as she looked between his legs.

"Something bothering you, Dorian?"

He gave her a smug smile. Shook his head.

"Are you sure? I just might be able to fix your problem for you."

Dorian sighed and stood up. He walked to the edge of the tub. Manon moved forward, giving him space to sit behind her. Dorian's back pressed against the tub. Manon leaned back, intertwining their fingers. Dorian kissed her shoulder.

"I don't want to face them. Not yet. I can't."

"Why?"

"Because I don't know how to act. Around them, around you, I don't even know who I am anymore."

"Manon."

She smiled.

Dorian kissed her temple. "I think I prefer you without your armor. Without all the walls you build around yourself." He gently placed a kiss on her neck. "Laughing. Happy." He moved his lips to her ear. Gently tugged." _Moaning_..."

He moved their intertwined hands down. Guided her hand up and down his length. He moved his fingers to the swollen bud between her legs. Making it harder with each slow circle. Stopped. Then circled again. He parted her folds with his fingers. Using his magic to ice his hands and heat the water. He flicked her bud. Manon tugged between his legs, making him harder with each pass. She ran her thumb over his head.

She removed her hand and leaned her back on Dorian's chest. Dorian grabbed himself, moved his length up and down her opening, teasing her. He parted her folds with one hand and entered himself with the other. Manon arched her back and placed her hands on either side of the tub. He placed his hands on her flat belly, pressing her bare back tightly to his chest. Manon slowly slid down, the tip of him stretching her. She stopped when she reached the hilt. She pulled herself up, her hands gripping the edge of the tub. Sank back down and circled her hips. Dorian groaned onto her hair, moved it to the side to gain access to her neck. He leaned back and watched her move. Running his hand down her back. He moved it lower, rubbing the smooth firm roundness of her. She moaned as she began to move up and down.

"Manon-"

She moved faster.

"Manon-"

The water splashed around them as she continued to move.

"Manon, stop." He placed his hands on either side of her hips, stilling her.

She panted,"What?"

"Did you hear that?"

Dorian's hand made gentle circles on her lower back, soothing her. He tried to slow his breathing. Straining his ears to hear. He heard the knock the same time she did.

"Shit!" They said in unison.

Manon moved off of him, quickly ran a damp towel between her legs and slipped on Dorian's shirt. It cut off at her knees. He quickly moved into the bedroom and gathered some clothes. Winced when he slid his pants on, still slightly hard. Manon hid behind a corner.

Dorian slowly opened the door. Paused. And nodded.

"Manon," he called out.

He closed the door and turned. Watched as Manon made herself visible. "You just scared the shit out of me."

"Morning to you _too_ , Manon."

Dorian watched as Asterin took a seat on one of the couches. She arched a brow at Manon and tossed her a clean shirt and pants. Manon quickly disappeared to change. Despite knowing much about her, he still hadn't officially spoken to Manon's second.

He reached out a hand. "Dorian."

She took it."Asterin."

Dorian sat in the seat across from her. Awkwardly stared at his hands.

"I didn't mean to interrupt. I just wanted to let you guys know that the others should be waking soon. I know that you don't want anyone knowing..." She glanced at the unmade bed. "I won't tell."

"Thank you," he said.

She whispered,"She cares for you, Dorian. And you care for her. Don't let her do this alone. I can't bear to watch her fall apart or go back to being an Ironteeth. I don't know you but...Manon knows you. She trusts you. And as her second, I vowed to always protect and serve My wingleader. And I vow to protect and serve you, if you are who she wants. And the others will vow as well, if she asks. I'm your friend, Dorian."

"I don't...I don't _really_ know what she wants. What she needs-"

"You. She needs you."

He shook his head. "She deserves more. Not someone who will leave her once this is all sorted."

"No. She deserves someone who doesn't care what she is or what she has done. She deserves someone-"

"Asterin," he shook his head." I'm not going to make it. When-"

Manon entered the room. Sat beside Dorian, her hair dripping. Curious golden eyes looking between them."What?"

Asterin smirked. Quickly changing the conversation." I was just congratulating your _princeling."_ She turned to the bed. Looked back at Manon. "For surviving the night. Seems he managed to wake to see another day. Is he that _good_ in bed?"

Manon blushed.

"He is _that good_ in bed. Aren't I, Manon?"

Manon glared at him. He smiled.

Asterin stood."Manon, we should go. Before the rest of them find you in here."

Dorian watched Manon nod to her second. Asterin walked to the door, waited in the hall.

Manon faced him. He cupped her cheek and pressed a kiss to her lips. He watched her walk to the door. Close it. Dorian looked around the quiet room.

Alone.


	8. Chapter 8

**King and Queen**

Manon stared at her hands. Asterin was laid out on the bed beside her.

"Are you really not going to tell me, Manon? I've already promised not to tell."

Manon sighed and turned to face Asterin.

"I saved him. That day when we attacked Rifthold. It was because of him that you were sentenced to die." She shook her head. "I couldn't let him die, Asterin. I just couldn't. Soon after I told you to run, I was injured. I was unconscious in the forest until Abraxos dropped me into the sea near the ship he was on. I just remembered waking up and wanting to..."

"Wanting to what?"

 _Die._ She had wanted to die.

"Nothing." She shook her head."I woke up in a cabin. They had chained my wrist and ankles. Dorian was the only one that bothered to actual talk to me...We were both lonely."

"And now?"

Manon let out a breath. She already said too much.

"And now...Now I don't know what to do."

"What do you mean?"

"It can't be."

"Why not?"

"Because he's a King."

"And _you're_ a Queen."

"Asterin, _you know_ why we can't."

Asterin stood up."No, Manon. I _don't_ know. You have him. He's right across the hall. _You have him_. It might not be enough time, but isn't it better than having none at all. I didn't. I didn't have enough time. And you know what, Manon? I would do it all over again. Just to see his face again. And you? You can have that. He's right there, Manon. _Right there._ Don't waste it."

Manon faced the wall.

"The matron doesn't rule us anymore. And his time is limited." Asterin paused. "Once the curse is broken... You might need to..."

"To what?"

"A witch hasn't been born in the Wastes for a very long time, and..."

Manon turned at that. Shook her head.

"No."

"Nobody would ever know."

"No."

"You should ask him."

Manon opened her mouth to say something. Closed it.

"It's not a bad idea, Manon."

"No, It's a terrible idea."

Asterin shook her head and moved from the bed. Manon stared at the ground. She heard the door open, then close.

Manon shut her eyes. Shaking the bizarre thoughts Asterin just put in her mind. Thoughts of a sapphire-eyed child with white hair. Thoughts of a gold-eyed child with dark hair. Thoughts of Dorian sleeping beside her. Thoughts of Dorian's beautiful smile.

Manon shut her eyes tighter and groaned. Trying to shake the thoughts, and failing.

* * *

Dorian sat in the dining hall. He was about to devour the eggs in front of him, when he saw Manon enter. Her white hair in a side braid, her face showing slight distress. She picked up a plate and sat at the edge of the table, far from him. Elide was sitting across from him. He had left the seat beside him empty...empty for _her_ to sit. He looked down at his plate. Tried to think through what he could have possibly said to cause her to avoid him. He sighed and picked at his food. Dorian looked up, his eyes finally capturing hers. She gave him a faint smile.

"Are you okay?"

Dorian turned to Elide and nodded. She cocked her head.

"Is she okay?"

He shrugged.

"Can I ask you something, your highness?"

Dorian chuckled." You don't need to call me that, Elide."

"Do you love her?"

He dropped his fork. Swallowed.

"What-What do you mean?"

"I see the way you look at her. The way your eyes wander until you finally see her. The pink in your cheeks when she looks at you."

He shook his head." I don't know what you're-"

"Yes, you do. And you already share a..."

Dorian's eyes widened. "We aren't sleeping together."

Elide looked at her food.

"Elide, Who told you we were sleeping together?"

Elide's face reddened. "I didn't mean to. I swear... I was just walking and thinking...and I was in the hall... and I heard this noise." She fumbled with her hands."I didn't know...I heard Manon and I thought something had happened, and then I got closer and..."

Dorian ran a hand down his face. Chuckled.

"You aren't mad?"

"Wasn't exactly your fault."

"It was Manon's," she murmured.

He bit his lip to contain his smile. When he finally got a hold of himself he said,"Do you love him?"

Her eyes widened and she frantically shook her head." We haven't...I haven't...We..."

"It's okay, Elide. I'm asking if you love him. Not If you guys have..."

"I haven't talked to him."

"I think you should."

She nodded. Stared at her hands. "What's it like?"

"What's what like?"

"To..."

Dorian waited.

"To... Do that _thing_ that you and Manon do."

His face reddened. He wasn't expecting her to ask such a question. Especially asking him. He opened and closed his mouth several times until he finally said," I think you should ask Manon."

She nodded.


	9. Chapter 9

**The Library**

Manon stared at the pages in front of her. Her gold eyes moving from one line to the next. She was sitting in the inn's library, searching for any clue that would lead them to the key. Half of her Thirteen left with Lorcan and Gavriel, where they would cross mountains and continue the search.

Manon sighed and turned another page. Part of her was relieved that Dorian had stayed, though it made it difficult for her to avoid him. She hadn't been able to shake the thoughts; Her next to _him, Him_ carrying a sapphire-eyed child. She shook her head and looked towards the window. The rain getting heavier and heavier. It was nearly midnight, and she had successfully avoided talking to anyone. Dorian was the only one that caught her eyes this morning. She closed her eyes and laid her head on the table. Listened to the sound of the rain. She heard the door creak. Heard a book being taken from the shelf.

"Have you found anything?"

She looked up. Her gold eyes meeting his sapphire ones. She shook her head. He sat in the seat across from her, flipping through the pages. He noticed her staring and began to read out loud.

"There once was a wolf-"

Her brows scrunched together, "What are you doing?"

He raised a brow, " _Reading_."

"A fairytale?"

He nodded, then continued.

Manon observed him. His voice softening and rising at certain parts. His memorizing eyes scanning the pages. She realized at that moment how fascinating it all was. This feeling that would arise every time he was near. This boy king, with his magic and beautiful soul. When his lips stopped moving he closed the book and sat back.

"I liked that one," she said softly.

He gave her a small smile.

Manon sighed. "I needed to think. I needed to get away from everyone. I felt like I was drowning."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She looked at her hands. "I'm not sure what I'm doing anymore. What I'm supposed to do...feel...think." She exhaled, "I-I used to feel so safe. Nobody could touch me...people feared me." She paused. "It was better that way."

She raised her head to look at Dorian. He sat up and moved to sit on the rug near the fire. Manon followed him.

"I don't know what to do either. I don't know how to help you. We are one in the same, but-"

She shook her head, "You already do enough. This is not your battle."

Dorian surveyed her for a moment. He pulled her close and kissed her temple. He let out a quiet laugh. "Elide knows. She asked me today what it was like. To...," he shook his head, his smile turned a bit mischievous. "She heard us. Heard _you."_

Manon's cheeks reddened. She covered her face with her hands.

"I _must_ be good."

She removed her hands to look at him. He was smirking. Manon pinched him playfully. Dorian laughed.

"Not that good, princeling."

Dorian bit his lip to contain laughing. "That's not what I've heard."

Manon lowered her eyes and stared at the ground. She felt her mood change.

"What's wrong?"

Manon rested her head on his shoulder. "Did you love any of them?"

"Only Sorscha and Aelin."

She nodded her head. Dorian tilted his head to look at her.

"It doesn't compare."

She whispered,"What doesn't?"

He intertwined their hands, her head still leaning on his shoulder.

"Nothing compares to how I feel for you." He slowly shook his head, "I feel guilty. Guilty for admitting that to you. Especially after what happened to Sorscha. But I've realized that there are many different kinds of love."

"We aren't going to be given enough time."

"We aren't... but I'll always feel this way for you. _Always_. It's strange, this feeling I get every time I'm around you." Dorian shifted. He grabbed her by the waist and sat her on his lap. Rested his chin on her shoulder.

"I lied."

He raised his brow, "You lied?"

"About not feeling safe... _you_ make me feel safe."

Dorian kissed her shoulder...kissed the inside of her wrist.

She turned her body to face him completely. Manon looked into his eyes. Her heart skipping a beat. "What is the worst thing I could do to you?"

"I think you already know."

She gently put her arms around his neck. "I won't leave you, _Not even on that battlefield._ I _won't_ leave."

His lips grazed her mouth, "And I won't leave you."

"We're fools. You and I."

Dorian smiled onto her lips. "I'll be your sword and shield."

She smiled, "And I'll be _your_ sword and shield."

He gently kissed her. He pulled away and squeezed their intertwined fingers. She buried her face between his neck and shoulder.

"You said you would make love to me..." she whispered.

Dorian brought her hand to his lips.

"When?"

"When you are ready," he murmured, holding her closer.

She kissed his neck. "I'm tired," she sighed. "Tired of running away from you. I'm scared of how much I...," she stopped, swallowed. "Even if it's just for tonight...I'm yours. Utterly and completely yours."

She watched as a hundred different expressions crossed his face. Watched as he took a deep breath and smiled. It was a smile so breathtaking, she couldn't help but smile with him.

"And I'm yours. _Always."_

Manon placed her legs on either side of him. She closed her eyes as Dorian started kissing her. He kissed her forehead, her eyelids, her cheeks. She opened her eyes to meet his. Her heart aching for how beautiful he was, body and soul. She smiled and kissed him. Gently, and then thoroughly. Their warm mouths meeting each other over and over again. She pulled back to look into his eyes. His eyes that saw through her very core. Realized that he was hers. He was hers and she...

Manon moved her mouth to his ear, placed a gentle kiss, and whispered, "I love you, princeling."

Dorian pulled away to look at her. He intertwined his fingers in her hair. Placed gentle kisses on her lips. She felt his warm tears. She pulled away to look into his eyes; she leaned forward to kiss his tears away. Felt the shutter in his heart.

She ran her fingers through his hair as he lazily kissed her: shoulder, neck, then finally her mouth. Manon fingers slowly began to raise his shirt, but he gently grabbed her wrist.

"This time it will be different," he murmured onto her lips.

She nodded, and whispered, "I'm yours and you are mine. I'm your witchling and you are my princeling...My King."

"My Queen," he quietly replied.

He let go of her wrist, and she gently ran her hands under his shirt. She slowly pulled it off of him. Pulled back to study his lean beautiful body. Dorian's eyes turned towards the door, she heard his magic lock it. She kissed his shoulder.

Dorian placed his hands on her back, gently laid her on the soft rug. Her hair was splayed out around her. He moved his slim fingers to her blouse. Slowly unbuttoned each one as she ran her fingers up and down his chest. He parted her blouse and slipped it off. Unbuttoned her pants and gently tugged them off. She was semi-bare, her underwear left untouched. Dorian placed himself on top of her and kissed her thoroughly. He moved down, kissing her neck and shoulder. He pulled his head back to watch as his thumbs made contact with the tip of her breasts. He circled them...feeling them harden. They both held each others stare as he continued to rub... as his mouth moved down her body...as his mouth left hot wet kisses on her stomach. Her scar.

He moved lower. Placed his hands under her legs, moving them up to intertwine their fingers. She gave him a shy smile and squeezed their clasped hands.

He moved his mouth down to place a tender kiss on her covered core. Manon bit her lip and arched into it. He unclasped their fingers briefly to take them off, then intertwined them once again.

He licked gently, taking his time. He didn't tease her, his movements careful and tender. Manon let go of one of his hands and ran it through his hair; gently moving his hair away from his eyes. She watched him as he licked, her breath quietly hitching.

He placed one last gentle kiss on her lips and moved to sit up. Manon moved up to unbuckle his belt, while he kissed her temple. She slipped his pants off and Dorian wrapped an arm around her back, his other hand moved behind her neck as he laid her back down.

Dorian pulled back briefly, and they smiled at one other. His length was touching her entrance. Manon moved her hand down and gently gripped him. He moved forward as she guided him in. They both let out a gasp. He stilled inside of her, while she rubbed his back. She kissed his shoulder. The only noise was their breathing, the crackling fire, and the heavy rain. Dorian gave her a deep kiss and slowly began to thrust. He paused, then slowly began thrusting again. His movements were gentle, lazy, slow, and deep. Manon smiled into his shoulder. She closed her eyes, sighing and quietly letting out moans. Dorian removed his mouth from her neck to look at her face. She met his eyes. So loving and kind. Her eyes watered and tears ran down her face. Dorian kissed them away as he continued his slow thrusting.

He moved his lips to her ear, placed a gentle kiss, and whispered, "I love you, witchling."

Her fingers moved his hair away from his face. She let out a small giggle. Dorian smiled and moved their intertwined fingers to the side of her head. She squeezed them, and he buried his head in between her neck and shoulder...continued his thrusting.

Manon moved his hot mouth from her neck. Dorian let out a quiet moan and their foreheads met. They were both drenched in sweat, but neither wanted to reach their end. Manon and Dorian clinging to each other. Dorian's mouth didn't leave hers as he continued to move.

Manon's hands moved to Dorian's back. Her breath began to roughly hitch. She was so close. She kissed at his temple. Manon arched her back, unable to hold on any longer.

"I love you," she breathed.

She felt her toes start to curl. His slow thrusting finally undoing her.

"Not yet...stay with me," he panted. "Stay with me."

She nodded, then shook her head. "I can't...I can't"

Dorian gave her a slightly harder thrust.

"Dorian," she moaned into his mouth as she came.

Dorian continued to move in her. Still slowly thrusting. His arms shaking...sweat dampening his hair. His head was once again rested in between her shoulder and neck.

She kissed his temple, "Let go, my love. Let go."

She moved her hands to his lower back; He buried himself to the hilt.

"Manon," he groaned.

He arched his back as he came. Manon pushed his lower back into her, locking him deep inside. Wanting every last bit of him to spill inside her.

Dorian collapsed on top of her, resting his head on her chest. She moved her fingers through his damp hair as he slowly stopped shaking.

"I love you so much, Manon. So damn much," he panted onto her skin.

She smiled into his hair. "And I love you."

He lifted his head. Gave her a tired smile. He pulled out of her and laid on his side. Manon moved to rest her head on his chest. Their hands once again intertwining. He kissed the top of her head. Manon looked into his eyes. He pulled her closer.

She unclasped one of her hands and rubbed at his pink chest. Dorian lifted that hand and kissed her palm.

She whispered into his skin, "Don't ever let me go."

"I won't," he whispered back.

She smiled. "I love you."

He tilted her head up to kiss her lips. "I Love you."

Manon looked at their surroundings, surveyed all the books. Dorian followed her gaze. He quietly chuckled.

"Your favorite place," she murmured.

He kissed her again. "With the girl I love."

"You made love to me...you were on top," she whispered.

He gave her a kind smile. "It was special to you. I just feel guilty that I didn't make it special for you the first time."

She slowly shook her head. "I'm happy that it was you. I'm happy that I found you. After all these years. It was you...and it will always be you."

"I'm going to fight for you," he murmured into her hair. "Even if I have to wear that collar to save you."

"Don't say that."

He kissed her again and sighed.

"I'll yield for you."

"Don't _you_ ever say that."

She nodded into his chest. Dorian's fingers played with her hair.

"I won't die if you don't die. Deal?"

Dorian chuckled, "Deal."

He pulled her closer.

They whispered sweet nothings to each other until they finally fell asleep.

* * *

Dorian woke up with a start, his hand around his neck. He was panting profusely. He felt warm fingers run up his spine.

"It's okay," she whispered. "It's okay."

She moved the hair out of his eyes.

"How often, Dorian?"

"A lot."

She kissed his shoulder.

" _A lot,"_ he said, catching his breath _._

He felt warm tears spill down his checks. Manon pulled him to her. Laid him on his stomach. Dorian's arm covered her. He rested his head in the crook of her neck. Placed a brief kiss.

"Tell me."

So he did.

They talked well into the morning. Telling each other more secrets...more stories. Made love to each other again. Dorian slowly thrusting into her until he was utterly exhausted. She clinged tightly to him as they came together. Manon smiled into his neck as his eyes closed.

He pulled her close, and fell asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

**I Love You**

Manon lazily ran her fingers along Dorian's back. He was deep asleep between Manon's legs, his head laid on her tummy and his hands rested on her sides. She listened to his breathing, noticing every time it would catch. Manon closed her eyes, sleep once again trying to pull her under. She felt him stir.

"Manon..."

She opened her eyes and smiled. Dorian looked up at her, his eyes slightly open.

"Good morning, Dorian."

He let out a small grunt. Manon's smile widened. This feeling was so foreign to her, yet it felt so right. She had told him she loved him, and it took her by surprise. Dorian never shied away from telling her how he felt, but the fact that she said it first meant something to her. She looked at Dorian to study him; He fallen asleep again. She studied his beautiful features, burning them into her memory. She continued to gently move her fingers up and down Dorian's back; his cold body against her warm one. She started noticing his little quirks; the way his breath released cold vapor every time he breathed. The way his hands would always intertwine with hers when he started to have bad dreams. The wrinkle in-between his brows when he was deep in thought. She bit her lip, she couldn't keep herself from smiling.

Dorian was so different from the men she usually slept with. Where they were cruel and careless, Dorian was kind and gentle, even when he wanted to be rough. He always made sure she was thoroughly pleasured, and that she was okay with whatever they were doing.

She moved her hands to his hair to play with it. Her fingers trying to smooth out the mess. Manon hadn't told him about the thoughts that have been nagging her. The ones that made her a coward. The one that didn't know if she could really kill her grandmother; the one that wanted her to take her relationship with Dorian further.

Manon's grandmother had raised her, despite all the bad things she's done, she didn't know if she could actually kill her. The only mother figure that she has ever had.

 _Mother._ Manon chuckled; how can she possibly think that _she_ could one day be a mother. The thought was absurd...after all she's done. All the pain she has caused. _No,_ she could _never_ be one. She didn't have anything in her that even resembled what a mother should be.

Dorian shifted again. "I'm so tired," he grumbled, onto her stomach.

"Me too," she murmured.

Dorian smiled, eyes still closed, "I love you."

She smiled, "And I love you."

Dorian opened his eyes and lifted himself until his lips were hovering over hers."Are you sure?"

Manon let out a quiet laugh."Do you want me to show you?"

Dorian chuckled."In what way?"

"The way that will have you begging."

Dorian cocked his head and gave her a wicked smile. "Again?"

She nodded. Dorian leaned down to tug at her lower lip."Again _how_?"

"Not gently," she said, quietly.

Dorian let out a low laugh and rested his head between the crook of her neck. "Let me recover my strength first."

Manon smiled, "Do you still want to see me tied up?" He groaned into her neck. "Is that a yes?"

Dorian lifted his head to look at her, "You're going to be the end of me."

She laughed, "I think I like that."

* * *

Dorian was still laying on top of Manon an hour later. They had spent most of the morning whispering sweet things to each other. They hadn't gotten much sleep last night, and he knew they would both crash by the end of the day, but listening to Manon talk was the only thing that had kept his nightmares at bay. Manon kept shifting under him and he knew what she was trying to do. He could feel it between his legs, where his traitorous body was starting to swell.

His lips grazed hers, moving from one edge of her mouth to the other. Manon lifted her hands to kiss him but he lifted them above her head. Dorian lips trailed down her neck, he stopped and began to suck. He pulled back and surveyed the already bruising mark. He replaced his hands with his phantom ones, and began to move down. He stopped at her lush breast and circled the peak with his finger, he took it in his mouth and began to suckle. Manon gasped. He released her breast with a wet plop and continued to move lower. When he got to her most sensitive place, he spread her wide with his fingers, watching as her wetness continued to spread. He gave her one lick from bottom to top and Manon arched, her body rising while her hands were still pinned above her. Dorian placed his tongue on her hardened bud and made lazy circles. He groaned as her sweet wetness spilled onto his tongue.

"Dorian," she moaned.

Dorian chuckled and removed his tongue to blow cool air onto her. Noticing the way she was struggling under him. He smiled, "What's wrong, witchling?"

"Stop teasing," she breathed.

Dorian removed his mouth from her center to crawl over her body. He placed his mouth to her ear, "But _I_ want to hear _you_ beg. I want to see you come undone. I want you _begging me_ until you can take no more." He felt Manon smiling. "I want to leave you so sore so that every time you move you'll think about me. Think about my tongue, my hands, the way I feel inside you, and after you cum...I'm going to do it all over again."

He lifted his head to find Manon smiling wickedly.

"Is that a _promise_ , princeling?"

He smiled and spread her legs, gripped himself and gently entered the tip of himself inside of her. They both groaned at the contact. But Dorian didn't push any further, instead, he pulled out, leaving Manon wanting. He moved himself up and down her slit, watching as she threw her head back. He positioned himself again, but still only let the tip of himself enter her. Pulled out. He pushed himself back in, putting a little bit more inside of her. He did this several times, feeling her wet center open and close for him.

"Dorian," she panted. "Please."

Dorian bit his lip and smiled. He entered her in one quick thrust and began to move at a slow pace. Manon's breasts brushed his chest with every thrust he made.

"Dorian, _please_ move faster."

"No."

" _Please,"_ she moaned.

" _No."_

" _Please,"_ she begged again.

His unpinned her hands and she moved them to his lower back. Dorian continued his measured thrusting.

" _Please."_

Dorian groaned and flipped them over so that she was on top. She smiled and began to rise and fall quickly. Dorian lifted himself on his forearms to view the place where they connected. He moaned at the sight and tangled his hands in her hair, he pulled her mouth to his and gave her a brutal kiss. Manon suddenly stopped moving and Dorian moved his hands to her hips, urging her to continue.

"Manon..."

She shook her head, "Beg."

He let out a small breathless chuckle. "No."

She arched her brow and circled her hips. "No?"

Dorian bit his lip to contain his groan. She quickly began to move again, and Dorian felt his pleasure building...but then she stopped. Dorian was growing frustrated, he tried moving her hips, but her body pinned his.

He took a deep breath and said,"Please, Manon."

She smiled and began to rise and fall. Her body moving against his hard and fast. Manon ran her hands up his chest and stopped at his neck. Dorian tensed, his breathing suddenly stopping. His body slightly starting to panic as a million images flooded him; images when he was under the control of the Valg prince.

Manon quickly removed her hands. "I'm sorry," she said, frantically. "I'm so sorry." She moved to get off of him but Dorian's hands kept her still.

"Just give me a moment," he panted.

She nodded and ran her hands soothingly down his chest. Dorian closed his eyes. Trying to catch his breath. He didn't want the awful memories to win, but...

He opened his eyes to look at her and she gave him a gentle smile. She removed his hands from her hips and moved off of him. She laid next to him and Dorian pulled her close. She pressed her mouth to his ear. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

He shook his head, "You have nothing to be sorry for."

She placed a gentle kiss to his temple."I shouldn't have."

"You didn't know, Manon. _I_ didn't even know..."

She moved her finger to trace his scar along his neck.

"You panicked," she whispered.

He slightly nodded.

"You're afraid of losing control again."

He looked away from her, but she gently pulled his face back to hers.

"I won't ever let them do that to you again. _Ever."_ She gently kissed him and moved his hair out of his eyes. "We should go eat."

Dorian nodded. She began to lift herself up when Dorian caught her wrist."I'm sorry, Manon."

"For what?"

"For not finishing what I started."

She leaned down to give him a gentle kiss."I know you keep your promises..."

He smiled at that and kissed her deeply.

"We really should go, Dorian."

He nodded. Manon rose and gathered her clothes. Dorian watched her as she dressed.

"Manon..."

"Yeah?"

"I love you."


	11. Chapter 11

**Witchling**

Manon stood in the hall as Dorian closed the door behind her. She turned to face him and he took her hand to pull her close to him. Manon buried her face against his chest and he kissed the top of her head. He pulled away and Manon watched him until he was out of sight. A couple of minutes after, she followed. She walked down the corridor, her fingers lazily grazing the wall beside her as she walked. She walked past Dorian's door and entered the room she and Asterin had been sharing. She walked towards the bath and waited until it began to steam. She pulled off her clothing and let the water soothe her sore body. She closed her eyes.

It was too much. Too fast. She loved him and he loved her, but she still felt confused. When she was with him it was easy to forget the confusion, but now that she was alone it came to her in a flood. Dorian didn't seem to mind people knowing, but did she? She loved him, but admitting that to him was _different,_ she learned to trust him; she didn't trust others, and that was the problem. They would ruin the only precious thing she has ever had in her life. She closed her eyes tighter.

Dorian was _her_ secret, and she wanted to keep it that way. She knew Elide and Asterin would keep their mouths shut, she just had to be careful that nobody else found out.

Manon pulled her knees to her chest and began to wash herself. Trying to get rid of his scent. She wished she had someone to talk to. Dorian was the only one she had ever confined in, but she couldn't talk about him to him. When she was a child she used to imagine what her mother was like. Wonder what she would say. And now for the first time in her life she realized there would always be a missing piece to her. Dorian had almost mended it, but some parts will always be left empty. She had needed a mother. Needed the love only a mother could give. The love only parents could give. She wondered if Dorian felt the same.

 _Dorian._

He had killed his father and she knew it still haunted him. She felt ashamed earlier in the library when she tried to wrap her hands around his neck. He had panicked. She tried to hide her shame and hoped that he didn't notice. She knew he liked to be in control. Not to dominate her...but because he didn't have control when the Valg prince violated him.

Manon looked down at her belly and rubbed. Wondered once again what it would be like to have a bulge there. She shook her head. So confused. So confused and no one to talk to.

She had never needed to lean on someone before, but with Dorian, that had changed. She leaned _too much_ ; Only now realized that though he can _try_ to save her, she had to be the one to save herself. She so desperately wanted to save _him_ but knew he had to do _that_ himself. He held guilt after Sorscha, and Manon didn't know how to mend that wound. She never lost anyone, and that made her heart heavy. Dorian, the first man she has ever loved, the only man she might ever love will die on the battlefield or of old age.

Manon rested her head on her knees. She stood like that until the water began to cool. Till her fingers wrinkled. Till the tears stopped running down her cheeks.

She didn't want to be alone; Didn't want a life without Dorian. It scared her. Scared her because she was about to do something dangerous. He trusted her; She just hoped he could forgive her.

* * *

Manon's eyes immediately found Dorian when she entered the dining hall. She leaned against a pillar, wanting to watch him before he noticed her. He was sitting across from Elide, smiling at something she had said. She wondered if his joy was a mask for others around him, or if it was genuine.

She forced her eyes to turn away from him and walk away.

* * *

Manon had left the inn. Decided to sit alone in the woods nearby. She heard the flapping of wings as Abraxos landed behind her. She had missed him and now that he was here she knew what she had to do.

She walked towards him, her fingers trailing down his scales.

"Till the darkness claims us," she whispered.

Her hands held onto Abraxos back as he took off into the sky.

* * *

Manon and Abraxos flew for what felt like hours. Manon made him stop near a lake; she was parched and hadn't eaten anything in the morning.

It's been _weeks_ since she left the group. _Weeks_ without hearing anything about her Thirteen. _Weeks_ without hearing anything about _him._

She cupped the water into her hands and took a sip. Sighed and leaned back. She took in her surroundings; beautiful towering trees reaching towards the sky.

 _Crack._

Manon stood up in an instant. Her iron nails and teeth releasing themselves on instinct. She knew the intruder was hiding behind a tree, but she waited for them to come to her. She had no strength in her to fight, she was exhausted, both physically and mentally.

She let several seconds pass until she hissed, "Come out."

She waited for several more. Finally heard a small shuffling of feet.

Manon watched as a small blonde girl made herself visible. She couldn't be older than eight, and here she was. Alone.

Manon was always alone when she was a child, but looking at _this_ child alone made her chest ache. She never paid attention when children were around her. Didn't even pay attention to witchlings. Never had an urge to pick one up or interact. But for some reason, _this_ child made her incredibly sad. _Sad_ because she was looking at Manon the way everyone has always looked at her; like a monster.

Manon retracted her teeth and nails. The girl wrapped her arms around herself, stepping back.

Manon kneeled and placed her hands in her lap. She whispered, "I won't hurt you."

The girl looked at her, still scared.

Manon swallowed. "My name is Manon." She paused, not quite knowing how to interact with her. "I won't hurt you."

The young girl chewed on her lip. "I don't know what my name is," she said, her voice small.

Manon was confused, What kind of person doesn't know their own name. Even slaves have names, though most aren't allowed to use them, but still.

The girl stared at Manon, her eyes flickering to her mouth and hands, searching for the parts that made her a monster. Manon held up her hands, so she could clearly see them. The girl hesitantly nodded.

"What are you doing here?"

The girl began to cry, and Manon didn't know what to do. The only two people she had ever seen cry were Asterin and Dorian.

 _Dorian._

She shook her head, shook every thought of him. But yet, they lingered.

"I'm lost," She cried. "I'm lost and I don't know what to do." She moved her hands to her face to wipe her tears.

Manon stood and took small steps towards the child. Making sure she had enough time to walk away. She stopped when she was in front of her and kneeled. She didn't know what to do with her hands so she kept them at her sides.

"Do you have a mother?"

The girl shook her head.

"A Father?"

She nodded.

"How did you get lost?"

The girl began to cry again. Manon sighed. _One problem after another._

The girl finally stopped crying and met Manon's eyes, "What are _you_ doing here?"

Manon looked at her hands. " _I'm_ lost and _I_ don't know what to do."

She looked up to see the girl looking at her curiously. And then to Manon's surprise, the girl hugged her. The only person who has ever hugged Manon before was Dorian. He was the only person who had touched her in weeks.

Manon wrapped her arms around the child. Noticed how small she was.

The girl pulled back and moved the hair out of her face. She gave Manon a small smile.

Manon swallowed. "How did you get lost?"

"My Papa, he was suppose to be watching me." She paused and Manon thought she might cry again. But she continued,"We were only suppose to visit the market square for a little bit." She shook her head and another set of tears began to fall. "But then the witches came," another sob. "They came and I lost him."

Manon eyes widened. "That was weeks ago."

The girl nodded."I Ran away. Away and away, and then-"

 _A wail._ But It wasn't from the girl.

It was small and barley there, but Manon still heard it. The girl's eyes widened and she stood a bit taller. As if trying to create a wall between _it_ and Manon.

"What is that?"

"You can't! _Please_!"

Manon stood. The girl made her small hands into a fist and started hitting Manon as hard as she could. Manon barley felt it. She walked around the girl and stopped.

 _It_ was wrapped in a thin muddied blanket. _Its_ fingers clasping the thin material. _It_ wailed again.

Manon stood in shock for several seconds until she finally said, "How'd you get it?"

The girl looked up at her, cocking her head. "The baby?"

Manon swallowed then nodded.

"I found her. In the woods. She was just there."

Manon arched a brow, "Just there?"

The girl nodded. "I found her a couple days ago. I've only been able to give her water. She's hungry. I didn't know what to do with her. My first thought was to take her to the King but...They say he is cruel and a monster, and nobody knows where to find him. So I kept her."

 _The King._

But the girl continued, "I was going to take her to a healer. I heard there was one nearby. But... I don't know which way to go."

Manon contemplated. She couldn't just leave the girl alone.

"I can take you," she said. She watched as the girl's eyes widened with joy.

"Thank you! Thank you," she said frantically. But stopped when she noticed the huge wyvern behind her.

Manon laughed. The girl swallowed and looked at her.

Manon sighed. "His name is Abraxos. He won't hurt you."

The girl nodded then looked down at the baby, then looked back up at Manon and tilted her head. She was waiting.

"Aren't you going to grab her?"

Manon opened her mouth to say something but then closed it.

"Are you a mother, Manon?"

Manon stood silent. The girl shrugged and lifted the baby. It was an odd sight for Manon. To watch a child holding a child. She also felt embarrassment for not knowing what to do.

Manon led the girl to Abraxos. The girl stared at him for a moment.

"Hello, Abraxos." The girl stood still, and then Abraxos gave her a long lick. The girl laughed and then turned to Manon. "We can't ride him. Not with the baby."

"She'll be fine."

"No, she won't. What if she falls? What if your wyvern gets hit unexpectedly? What if-"

"Okay, I get it," Manon cut her off. She only has know this child for five minutes and the girl was already full of demands. "I'll walk you to the healer," she said with a bit of irritation.

The girl smiled and held the baby tighter.

* * *

It was night and they still hadn't reached the healer. Turns out the girl did know where she was going. Manon just didn't ask questions.

The baby cried in the girl's arms.

"So you have no name?"

The girl shrugged.

"And your Father?"

The girl shrugged again.

Manon groaned. Frustrated at this strange girl. They had spent the whole day together, every now and then exchanging not so kind words. She had called the girl demanding, and the girl had called her stubborn.

"I can't tell you," the girl whispered.

"Why not?"

"I just can't."

Manon looked at her hands, "Who told you the King was cruel?"

"Everyone in Adarlan knows. They said he even killed his father."

Manon sighed, "He's not cruel or a monster."

The girl's eyes widened, "You know the king?"

She nodded.

The girl looked down at the baby in her arms. "My name is Emma."

Manon smiled, "It suits you."

The girl grinned.

* * *

Manon kept watch as the girl fell asleep besides her. Abraxos wings kept them covered from the cold night. She only caught glimpses of the baby, but didn't make any other contact with her. The girl stirred beside her. Manon was about to move away to give the girl more space but the girl's hand caught hers. Manon noticed that the girl had tears running down her face. The girl moved until she was nestled against Manon.

The girl looked so vulnerable and scared, that Manon couldn't help but put her arms around her. Eventually, the girl fell asleep and so did she.

* * *

"Dorian?"

Manon opened her eyed to see the girl hovering over her. The baby once again in her arms.

Manon yawned. "What?"

"You said his name while you were sleeping."

"He's nobody."

The girl frowned."Isn't the King named Dorian?"

Manon ignored her.

The girl grinned, "It's the King isn't it?"

"No, it's not!"

"I've never met a mistress before."

"I'm not a-"

The girl laughed.

"I'm not a Mistress. And I don't answer to you!"

The baby wailed.

"Now look what you've done," Emma said.

"What _I've_ done?"

Emma patted the baby's butt.

"Stop doing that. Your'e hurting _it._ "

"I'm not hurting her."

"How'd you know?"

"Because look," Emma said."She's asleep again."

Manon took a peek at the baby.

"Now unless you produce milk in those things, we should get going."

 _You little shit,_ Manon thought as she stood up to grab her things.

* * *

Manon watched the girl feed the baby. Emma had found a couple of berries and was squashing them, letting the juice run down the baby's throat. They walked like that for some time, only pausing when the baby needed to burp.

"So if you aren't a mistress, What are you?"

Manon frowned, "What do you mean?"

"You have a beast instead of a child. You aren't a mistress. You have freakish eyes. And-"

"And I'm not nosey like you."

Emma grinned.

"How old are you anyway?"

"About eight."

"About?"

Emma shrugged.

Manon threw up her arms, "I can't with you."

* * *

They entered the small village around nightfall. It had taken them most of the day to find it. Manon was thankful that the baby had managed to stay quiet throughout it all. The healer was housed in a small hut. Dangly jewels hung from the roof. Abraxos hid in the woods nearby.

Emma knocked twice. No answer.

She was about to knock again but Manon stopped her.

"Just go in."

" _We can't_."

Manon walked past her and opened the door.

"See."

Emma scowled. Manon moved aside to let her pass. She walked towards a wall filled with different colored jars. One for illness, one for burns, one for...

Manon lifted the jar and sniffed it.

"That's not the one you need to get rid of it," a gruff voice said behind her.

Manon quickly put the jar back.

"What do you want?"

Manon turned. But Emma answered, "We have a baby. It's hungry. It's not ours. And we need a place to sleep."

The old woman turned to Manon, "She's Demanding."

Emma walked the baby over to her and Manon watched as the woman worked. Taking several jars and rubbing it onto the baby's skin.

"She isn't yours," the woman said. She nodded in Emma's direction, "She isn't yours either."

The woman took a clean blanket and wrapped it around the child, placed her on the cot in the room behind her. Emma followed.

Manon continued to look at all the different jars.

"Which one are you looking for?"

Manon shook her head.

The old woman sighed, "I've seen many young girls come into my shop for this reason. Which one are _you_ looking for?"

"Curiosity."

The woman laughed. "A virgin? I can find something for that."

"No. I'm not a virgin."

"Something to get rid of it then?"

Manon shook her head, "No."

"Come here."

Manon walked towards the woman.

"May I?"

Manon hesitated. Then nodded.

The woman placed her wrinkly hands on Manon's stomach. Manon held her breath.

"This one _won't_ make it. Your blood changes too many times for me to tell if you will someday have another." She pulled her hands away and pulled a black jar from the cabinet and handed it to Manon. "Take this...but only use it when you are alone. It's easier. I recommend a tub, the results aren't always clean. Your fetus will die soon. It's still trying to cling to you. But its breath is limited. The sooner you take it, the smaller it will be."

Manon placed a hand over her mouth, fingers shaking. She shook her head.

"I know many things Manon Blackbeak. I know that you are a Crochan Queen. I know that the girl you are traveling with was abandoned. An orphan, both of them." The woman clasped her hands, "I know that _your_ baby was conceived on a ship. I also know that the little prince inside of you is the King's." She stood up, "I also know that we have a visitor."

A couple seconds later a knock was at the door. The woman went to answer, while Manon rushed out the back door; the room was suffocating her. Once outside Manon fell to her knees and vomited. The world was spinning around her.

A _baby_. A _witchling._

She silently screamed into the ground. It couldn't be true. She was going to have a baby. _A witchling. A prince_.

But _No._ The old woman had told her _it_ wouldn't make it. _It_ would die like everything else she has ever loved. _Her Prince_. _Her baby boy._

Manon laid on the ground, not caring if her hair was full of vomit. She closed her eyes and cried. Cried so much that she eventually fell asleep on the cold ground.

* * *

Manon didn't open her eyes but she knew she was no longer on the cold ground. She was covered under warm blankets, and she heard whispering through a curtain that separated the room.

Heard a game being played.

 _"That's not fair!"_

 _"Shh, Emma."_

 _"But he cheated."_

 _"No. I did not."_

 _"Yes, he did."_

 _"Lorcan, Did you cheat?"_

 _"No!"_

 _"Shh! She's asleep."_

 _"Where's Asterin?"_

 _"With the baby," Emma said. "We haven't picked a name yet."_

The voices became murmurs as Manon fell asleep once again.

* * *

Manon opened her eyes to find Emma hovering over her.

"She's Awake!"

She heard several feet enter the room.

"Back Away, Emma. Give her some breathing room," Asterin said.

Manon looked past Emma to see Asterin and Elide standing in the room.

"How are you feeling, Manon?"

Manon licked her lips. She didn't know how to answer, but thankfully she didn't have to.

"She just had a bit of food poisoning. That's all," the old woman from the night before said. She came into the room and handed Manon a bowl of red soup.

"That looks disgusting," Emma said. "Why can't she just eat the regular soup that we had?"

The woman sighed and looked at Manon, "It will soothe your stomach. Help the process of taking the poison out."

Manon shook her head, "I don't want it."

"Manon, it's just soup," Asterin said.

" _I don't want it_."

The old woman shook her head. " _Fine_. The poison will _just_ take longer to leave your system."

Manon wanted to scream at her. But instead, she bit her lip and tried to hold back tears.

Asterin moved towards her, "Who'd you eat?"

Manon actually laughed at that. She sat up and listened as they told her about what they learned. About how they all managed to find this village. About how they planned to get Aelin her witch warriors.

* * *

Emma lingered after Asterin and Elide excused themselves. She made Manon make room on the cot. Emma laid facing her.

"I've met him. He's very kind _and handsome too_."

Manon swallowed.

"He sat in the corner all night. Watching you. He was the one who carried you in here."

Emma placed her hands on the side of Manon's head and kissed her forehead.

"I hope you feel better."

She watched as she placed a bucket on the side of her bed. No doubt still thinking that she had _food poisoning_.

* * *

Manon was laying on her side when she saw him through the small opening in the curtain. He was sitting in a chair. The baby rested her head on his shoulder while he patted her butt.

Manon smilled.

But then he kissed the top of her head, and she found herself reaching for the bucket. Retching into it over and over again.


	12. Chapter 12

**Say Something**

Dorian watched the villagers as they passed by him. Children chasing each other with dirty rags. He sat with his knees pulled into his chest, rested his head on his arms. He closed his eyes as if _that_ would make everything go away.

She had left him. _She_ _left_.

Dorian had waited for her in the dining hall. He told himself she had just gone out. He had thought of so many excuses for her to be gone. He had waited for her. Waited. Waited as the hours passed. Waited until morning. Waited the day after. And the next day and the next. _He had waited._ And here he was sitting outside the healer's hut. And the girl who held his heart in her hands just a couple of steps away, shielded by a thin curtain.

He wanted to scream at her. But in his heart, he knew it wasn't her fault. He just _wasn't_ enough. He was _never_ enough.

Dorian always thought that love was something that existed. He was a fool. He had loved Celaena and Rosamund, but they didn't want him. He loved Sorscha but wasn't strong enough to protect her. And Manon...

 _No._ Dorian no longer believed in meaningless words. He no longer believed in promises. No longer believed that there was such a thing as love. _She had left him._ And Dorian couldn't blame her. He had always felt like he wasn't good enough. Now he _knew_ he wasn't. He had trusted her. Trusted her to never leave him. She even told him herself. Told him she loved him.

When they made love he thought he would die from it. From how much he loved her, and how much she said she loved him. But it had been a lie. It had _all_ been a lie. And Dorian knew he had to let her go. He thought he knew what heartbreak felt like, but he was wrong. _She left him._ And he knew he should hate her, scream at her, want to hurt her as much as she hurt him...but he loved her. He would always love her. And as much as it hurt him to let her go...s _he didn't want him_. He wasn't enough for her.

He had watched her the first night, acting on instinct. But he could no longer do that. Would no longer do that. _She didn't want him_. He would make himself invisible, to her, and the world. He would let the darkness claim him. Let the pain drag him under. Become the hollow thing he tried so hard to escape from being.

He would stop fighting.

* * *

Manon was sitting at the table twirling her spoon inside her soup. She hadn't eaten anything all day, too scared that the old hag would put something inside her food. The others were talking amongst themselves; she would nod every now and then but other than that she wasn't interested in conversation. Dorian had his back against the wall, eating his food in silence. He hadn't come to check on her; He hadn't spoken to her, nor looked at her. It was as if she didn't exist.

* * *

Dorian watched as Manon fiddled with her food. He couldn't help it, his body was tuned to her. He was always careful when watching her, making sure she wouldn't notice. He knew that he would have to make small talk soon, or others will begin to notice. He moved his back from the wall and set his plate in one of the buckets full of water. He moved the animal skin curtain to the side and entered the cold dark night.

He sat in his spot from earlier. Except for this time, there were no passing villagers. No children chasing after one another. He closed his eyes but jumped when he heard a crack of a branch. He squinted but couldn't make anything out in the dark.

He jumped again when he heard a wail behind him. The small girl, Emma, was standing behind him with the baby in her arms. She looked at him with big curious eyes.

"Asterin and Elide are going to gather supplies with some of the group. They wanted to know if you would..."

Dorian looked at the baby in her arms and nodded. Emma handed her to him and sat beside him. She was still looking at him curiously.

"What?"

She shook her head. Distantly someone called her name.

"I'll be back," she whispered. "Lorcan is keeping watch, The healer is tending to some patients in their homes, and Manon..."

She smiled.

Dorian nodded and then watched her leave. He returned his attention to the infant in his arms. Watching her little eyes open and close. She had just eaten and Dorian, who had been watching, knew that no one had burped her yet. He wrapped her in his arms and went back inside.

* * *

Manon was still staring and her untouched bowl of soup when she heard Dorian enter. The rest of the group had already departed and the few that were left were on watch.

He had the baby's head draped over his shoulder, rubbing her back, little noises escaping her lips. He didn't meet her eyes or acknowledge her. Instead, he slowly walked back and forth, continuing to rub the baby's back.

The room was silent expect for the sound of Dorian's feet as he paced. Manon played with her fingers. She looked up to watch him.

"Say something," she whispered. "Anything."

Dorian stilled. The baby gave a burp and Dorian silently cursed. He slightly turned and she saw that the baby had left a patch of yellow vomit on his shirt. Manon took the rag that was laid on the table and walked it over to him. Dorian stared at her for a moment before taking the rag from her hands. He cleaned the baby's mouth first and then the spot on his shirt.

Manon moved to the basket that was laying on the small couch near the fire. She took one of his newly cleaned shirts and walked back to Dorian, handed it to him. He shook his head, "She's mine for the night. I'll just keep getting it dirty."

Manon sat back down. Tore some bread from the basket and nibbled on it. A couple moments later Dorian joined her. He leaned back in his chair, his dark curls hanging over one eye. He rocked the baby back and forth, rubbing her back and whispering words into her ears, occasionally kissing the side of her head.

Manon couldn't handle the sight. She walked to the room she was staying in and leaned her back against the wall. She covered her mouth with her hand to contain her sobs as she slid to the ground.

* * *

Dorian laid the baby on the couch when she at last had fallen asleep. He covered her and placed soft pillows around her. He knew Manon was crying in the other room. He felt it. Her pain and confusion. He sat in his chair for several long moments until he finally got up and pulled her curtain aside. He kneeled when he was right in front of her and gently pulled her hand away from her mouth. Manon wrapped her arms around him and cried into his neck. Dorian hooked his arms under her and lifted her from the ground. He sat on the small cot while Manon straddled him and continued to sob into his skin. She began kissing his neck. Her mouth kissing the damp spots where her tears had dropped. Her mouth trailed his skin until her lips hovered over his. Dorian looked into her liquid gold eyes, her dark lashes clustered and damp; Her fingers in his hair.

"Dorian," she whispered.

Dorian stilled. He wanted to kiss her. Wanted to lose himself in her. She was so beautiful, her moon-white hair cascading down her back. He was torn. It would be so easy to just press his lips against hers and take her.

Manon leaned down to kiss him and he turned his head away.

" _Days_ ," he whispered. "You were gone for _days_."

"I know," she murmured into his skin. "I know."

"Why?"

"I- I can't...I can't..."

Dorian closed his eyes. "Why can't you, Manon?"

He felt her shake her head.

"Why can't you?"

She hugged him more tightly.

Dorian let out a breath. She didn't owe him anything. Her whole life she was abused. By her grandmother, by that fae bastard who tried to...

 _No_ , she _didn't_ own him anything.

"You don't have to," he whispered. "You don't have to tell me."

"But I hurt you," she murmured.

"You did," he said. "But I won't chain you down, Manon. I could _never_ do that to you."

"I hurt you," she repeated. "I hurt you. I hurt you and I lied. I said- I said I would never leave you. And I did. I did, Dorian. I did."

"When you left I thought...," He shook his head. "You left and my world shattered. You were there one _day_ , and then you were just _gone_..."

She kissed his neck.

"I was a fool to believe that there was such a thing as love; but I still do. And I hate myself for it. Hate myself because I keep trying to convince myself that everything you've ever told me was a lie. That I no longer believe in promises or words that mean nothing; but I still do. You left and my world fell apart. I accepted that I wasn't good enough for you. Before you, I was ready for everything to end. Iv'e been ready. But then you came and everything changed. And then you left..."

He felt her tremble against him.

"I'm ready, Manon." He felt a tear run down his cheek. "I'm ready to stop fighting."

One moment she was resting her head on his shoulder and the next she was grabbing his hair and kissing him.

"No, no, no, no, no, no," she whispered in-between kisses.

Dorian pulled back. His fingers gently held Manon's jaw so she wouldn't turn away.

"I don't know why you left. And you don't owe me an explanation. But I love you. I will always love you. I can't only pick certain parts of you to love. I love all of you." He ran his thumb over her lower lip. "I'm sorry that I took more than what you wanted to give. You warned me not to. You hurt me...but I can't hold that against you. You told me that you would hurt me. I didn't think you really could. I won't chain you down, Manon. But I also won't be here waiting for you to come back every time you decide to leave. So if you're going to break my heart..." He paused. "...Do it right now. Just say the words and I'm gone."

He pulled his hand away and their foreheads met. Manon interlaced their hands.

"My sword and shield," she whispered.

Dorian smiled through his tears. She leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips.

"I need you, Dorian."

"I'm here."

"I'm a monster."

"No, you're not."

"But I am."

"Then you are _my_ monster."

He wiped her tears, but then her cheeks became flooded with them. She turned her face away from him.

"You're going to hate me," she whispered.

Dorian pulled her face back to his. "Manon, something is wrong. I can _feel_ it."

"You're going to hate me."

"Why would I hate you?"

"Because...because..."

She was shaking and her tears were tumbling down her face. Dorian rubbed her back.

"You're worrying me, love."

He moved the hair out of her face.

"You love me, princeling?"

He nodded, "More than anything."

She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hands and nodded.

Manon lifted one of his hands and ran a finger lazily against his palm, she brought it to her lips and placed a kiss. Dorian moved that hand to cradle her neck and pull her down to his lips once again. She pulled back and led both his hands down her body. Stopped at her stomach.

Dorian kissed her neck and moved a hand back up to palm her breast. She moved his hand back down and rested it once again on her stomach. Dorian pulled his head away from her neck.

She pushed his hands against her belly and quietly said, "I'm sorry."

Dorian went still. Manon moved her hands away to cup his cheeks.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm so sorry."

Dorian blinked. He opened and closed his mouth several times, but nothing came out. He turned his head away from her. It was all happening too fast. She...she was...Manon was pregnant. He swallowed and shook his head, his hands still resting on her belly.

"I'm sorry," she said again.

 _Sorry? Sorry for what?_

"Look at me, Dorian."

Dorian turned.

"Say something."

 _Say what?_

"Anything."

 _Sorry? Why would she be sorry?_

 _"_ Dorian _,_ I'm scared _,"_ she said through trembling lips. "I'm terrified."

Dorian at last swallowed. "Are you sure? Are you sure you are..."

She shook her head, and then nodded. Dorian rubbed at her belly.

"I'm sorry," she said, as more tears continued to run down her face.

"Shhh," he murmured. He removed his hands from her stomach and placed them behind her neck. "Why are you apologizing?"

"Because you're going to hate me."

Dorian pressed his lips against hers. "Don't be scared," he whispered onto her lips.

Manon disentangled herself from him and Dorian moved to the side. She laid on her side and he followed her. Dorian wrapped her in his arms and pulled her close. He breathed her in.

"Don't be scared," he murmured. "Don't be scared." He felt her warm tears on his neck. "Everything will be okay. I'll make everything okay."

Manon slightly raised her head to look into his eyes, her fingers traced his lips. "I love you Dorian Havilliard."

Dorian smiled. "I love you Manon Blackbeak."

"Dorian?"

"Hmm."

"I'm going to break your heart now," she whispered.

She buried her face in his chest.

Dorian closed his eyes and swallowed. He nodded.

Manon lifted her head and ran her hands through is hair. She pulled his head down so that it was buried against her collarbone. She pressed her lips to his ear. "You're going to hate me. Hate me because..."

Dorian tried to lift his head but Manon held him tightly against her. She was trembling.

"I'm being punished...for everything Iv'e done. And- and I can't...I'm going to hurt you...because-because...he's going to die. Dorian, he's going to die. He's going to die and I'm so scared."

Dorian closed his eyes. He didn't say anything. He didn't trust his voice.

"Its my fault."

Dorian pulled away and cradled her neck. "Look at me, Manon."

She closed her eyes tighter, her tears fell down the side of her face; falling until they landed on her moon-white hair.

"This is _not_ your fault." He lifted a hand to pull a strand of hair out of her face. "P _lease. Please_ look at me."

She slowly opened her eyes; blinked twice.

"There she is." He wiped her tears. "There's my beautiful Manon."

Manon half-smiled, half-cried. Dorian kissed her forehead.

She took a deep breath and said, "Why is this happening to us? I don't-I don't understand. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Sorry for what? _Sorry for what_ , Manon? You have nothing, _nothing_ to be sorry for."

She placed the tip of her fingers on his face, "I'm sorry that I can't give you...I'm sorry for even thinking I could...Maybe I'm cursed. Maybe I was never meant to be a..."

Dorian removed himself from her arms to move down her body. He stopped when he was hovering over her belly. He placed his ear against her.

 _A baby. A prince._ _Their_ baby.

Dorian took a deep breath.

"The healer... she told me...told me that I should take a poison. One that will... will help. It will die. It will die inside me and I need something to take it out." She shook her head, "I can't do it...I can't."

Dorian turned his head and kissed the little prince inside of her.

"I don't want to do it," she whispered. "Tell me it's going to be okay. Lie to me."

Dorian wrapped her in his arms.

"It's going to be okay," he said, quietly.

"Princeling?"

"Hmm."

"I love him already."

Dorian felt a tear run down his cheek. "Me too."

Manon wrinkled her nose and looked down at him. Dorian looked down to see that he was still wearing his dirty shirt. He briefly removed himself from Manon to take it off.

He laid back down and Manon wrapped them both under a thick blanket. He pulled her close to him.

"Manon Blackbeak...someday I'm going to ask you to marry me."

"Dorian Havilliard...someday I'm going to say yes."

Dorian kissed her shoulder. They both laid there in the dark, until she eventually fell asleep.

Dorian continued to watch her throughout the night. He was still in shock. But he knew he had to be strong. Knew that when the day came and she had to take the poison they would both fall apart; they were already falling apart. Manon was stronger than him. Manon would have to take that final step and ingest the liquid. Manon would be the one to birth their child, only for it to die in her arms.

He kissed the top of her head, and whispered, "I'm sorry, Manon."

Dorian cried silently. Cried and cried, until he eventually fell asleep.


	13. Chapter 13

**Married**

It was the middle of the night when Dorian heard the faint cry of the baby. He rubbed his eyes, felt Manon stir besides him.

"Dorian-"

"I'm up," he whispered.

He quietly lifted himself off the cot. He watched as Manon brought the blanket up to cover her face. Dorian drew the curtain to the side and saw that the baby was already being tended to. The healer had her wrapped in her arms. Dorian turned to go back into the room but the woman beckoned him forward. Instead of joining her on the couch he stood facing the jars that lined the wall. He let his fingers skim the rims. He stopped when he reached one with black liquid; Black poison.

"Is it this one?"

"Yes."

He lifted the jar and took off the lid, sniffed at it. Returned it to its spot.

He walked to where the woman was sitting and held out his arms, the woman handed him the baby. He moved to sit on the rug. The baby squeezed one of his fingers with her tiny hand.

"She can try to carry it to full term. My visions have never been wrong, but..."

"You think she should take the poison?"

The woman nodded. "She will begin to show and people will notice. The sooner she takes it-"

"The smaller he will be," he whispered.

"I cannot tell you if she will have another. My visions don't go that far. But she is half Ironteeth and Crochan, her chances are very slim. I tell you this because I know you must produce an heir. It won't be an easy choice, but you still have to choose. It isn't rare for a king to have a mistress, but if she is to be queen...perhaps it would be best to let her go."

"No."

The woman bowed her head. "Then I will help you anyway I can."

"Would it be possible?"

"I don't know."

Dorian took a deep breath, "I don't want her to get her hopes up. I don't want to cause her anymore pain; I don't want her to have to go through this again."

"And if she chooses to?"

He looked down at the baby in his arms. "If she chooses to, I will support her."

"Even if it causes _you_ more pain?"

Dorian slightly nodded. He stood up and handed the baby back to her.

"Where are the others?"

"Safe. The got back a couple of hours ago. I arranged several huts for them to sleep in. You two will stay here."

"Thank you," he said. Dorian turned to walk away but stopped mid-stride. "What can I do to help her?"

The healer gave him a sad smile, the wrinkles on her face stretching. "Stand by her. Don't let her see how much you are hurting. Convince her to take the poison, she will still need to take it." She sighed. "Be strong. For her."

* * *

Dorian enter their room. Manon was still tangled in the blanket. He slightly lifted it to lay back down. Manon turned and curled into him. She kissed his shoulder, eyes still closed. He moved a strand of hair from her face.

"What would you name him?"

"Do you want to name him?"

"I don't know," she whispered.

"He deserves a name," he said, quietly.

She shook her head. "I don't want it to be real. Don't want it to break me any more than it has."

He kissed her temple. "Then we don't have to."

Manon brought his hand to her lips.

Dorian studied her. He would do anything to make her smile again.

"Chaol," he said.

A small tug of her lips. "Never."

Dorian brushed his lips against hers and she let out a quiet hum.

Manon murmured something.

"What was that?"

"Would _you_ want to try again? After..."

"I don't know," he said honestly; quietly.

"What if I can't?"

"Then we won't."

"I don't know if I want to," she whispered.

"You don't have to, Manon."

"Any child we would have will always have an arrow at its back. I wouldn't want to bring a child into this world knowing that it might resent us because they have no freedom to do what they want. Did you ever wish you weren't a prince? That you didn't have obligations. People depending on you.

He took a deep breath. "I remember being really lonely. Chaol was the closest thing to a family that I had. My mother only wanted to marry me. My brother is terrible, I've spent most of my childhood avoiding him. My father...you already know about him. I want to be a good king. Sometimes we can't always get what we want. But I'm here now. Here with you. And I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world. But I wouldn't want that for our child. To feel that kind of loneliness. To be scared of failing their people."

"I felt the same, growing up. I had nobody to teach me...about anything; everything. My grandmother would either push me at men or tell me who to kill. The first time...I was so confused. I didn't know how to feel. I wished..."

"You wish?"

"I wish I had a mother. Some kind of family."

"Maybe _we_ can be a family."

She smiled. But then it vanished.

"My grandmother used to beat me, Dorian. I don't...I'm not...I'm not normal. She beat me so much that I began to not even feel it. She used to beat me and make me sleep with men. I can't..."

"You are nothing like your grandmother, Manon. _Nothing_ like her."

"What if I did the same? What if I would do that to my own child?"

"You wouldn't, Manon."

"I'm scared. I'm scared of what I..."

"You wouldn't."

"I never thought it would be possible. For me to have a child. Never even thought about it. I already knew the risk but... I thought I could. Some stupid part of me thought I could. That I could have one. Have one with _you_." She kissed his shoulder. "I never thought that it would be something that I wanted. Something that _could_ still happen."

"It could."

"But what if...what if it dies? What if they keep on dying? You need an heir. What if I can't provide you with one. What if I can't have one for the Wastes."

"You _don't need to_ provide me with anything. You are enough, Manon. You are everything."

"But you still need one."

Dorian opened his mouth to reply, but she continued. "I can't provide you with one, but _someone_ can."

Dorian closed his eyes. " _Stop_. Stop it, Manon. _You_ are what I want, damn the rest."

"And your people?"

Dorian stayed silent.

"Your people need a king that could provide future rulers."

"Once Aelin is back she can rule Adarlan. Her children. She can-"

"And what becomes of you?"

"I die."

"You die and I stay here, right?" She bit her lip, then released it. "I stay here and live a long life. Alone. Without you."

"Stop looking at me like that. You know I can't do anything about that."

"I know," she whispered. "I'm sorry, I just hate when you don't think you deserve things. You deserve to have _that_ kingdom, Dorian. You deserve to be happy. To have children who love you. To share with them stories; _books_. Watch them play with all your dogs. You deserve to have that, Dorian. To know what it's like to have children. To experience it. Don't lie to me. Don't tell me you don't want that."

Dorian hid his face in her hair. "I do." He paused. "I want that with _you_."

"And when I tell you I can't? When I tell you I can't have any children."

"I don't know what to say, Manon. You're asking me-"

She let out a small laugh. "I know. I'm sorry, It's just...what are we, Dorian?"

"Whatever you want us to be."

"Stop that. For once stop being so selfless." She opened her golden eyes and touched his lips with her fingers. "What do _you_ want us to be?"

Dorian kissed her fingers. "I want to marry you." Her finger stayed on his lips while his cupped the sides of her face. "I know you will outlast me. I know that we might not be able to have children. I know that many won't approve..." He rubbed his thumbs on her cheeks. "But I love you. I love you, and I want to make you mine. I want _us_ to be married. And then I want to tangle myself to you in every way possible."

"People will try to hurt you, Dorian. My grandmother and other covens. Erawan is still looking for me. He won't be so forgiving when he finds out that I'm with the man who escaped from his hands. He wants to use me for something..."

"Do you think he wants to make you his queen?"

She shook her head, "I don't know."

Manon removed her fingers from his lips and wrapped her hands around his waist. Dorian watched as her brows scrunched together. "Will...will your mother approve?"

He shook his head. "I don't know."

"Will Chaol approve?"

Dorian smiled, "Not at all."

Manon grinned.

"Will your thirteen approve?"

"Yes. They are loyal to me."

"And Abraxos?"

Her eyes lit up, "You haven't officially met him have you?"

Dorian shook his head.

"Do you want to?"

"Will he bite me?"

She chuckled. "I think he is rather fond of you. Might even have a little crush."

Dorian laughed. Manon cupped his cheeks and brought his lips to hers. She pulled back, her joy from a second ago vanishing.

"You don't have to do this alone. Y _ou aren't going to do this alone_. We will do this together. We will survive this together," he said quietly.

"Thank you," she whispered.

He kissed her.

"I'm hungry," she murmured on his lips.

"I'll get you something." He moved to get off the bed but her hand stopped him.

"I want to tell Asterin. My second should know. She will understand."

Dorian moved to hover over Manon. He kissed her again and then got off the cot. "I think that is a great idea, Manon."

He watched her as she nodded. He put on his shoes and made his way back into the kitchen.

* * *

Manon watched Dorian as his hands sank further into the water. His beautiful face in deep concentration.

"You're doing it wrong."

Dorian scowled. She let out a laugh.

"I don't think there is anything in here. I don't feel anything. I _should_ feel something."

"Maybe they are scared of you. Maybe they think you are the most terrifying creature to ever live."

He laughed. "They should be more scared of you than me."

It was said in jest, but Manon couldn't help how her chest constricted when he said those words. And Dorian paused as if he can feel her sudden sorrow.

"I didn't mean that, Manon. I'm sorry, I was just pla-"

"You don't need to apologize. I know you were." She gave him a smile, "My stupid emotions just keep getting the best of me."

"They aren't stupid."

Manon waved his comment away. She was sitting on one of the smaller boulders. Dorian was waist deep in the river, his hands reaching forward, ready to catch anything that might come his way.

"This isn't working."

"Stop complaining."

Dorian took a deep breath, his hands going lower. Manon laughed at his odd posture. "You're hopeless."

Dorian slightly turned to look at her. It happened so fast that she didn't have time to even move away.

He had used those wicked invisible hands to splash her.

"Dorian!"

He laughed and splashed her again.

"I can kill you, you know!"

Dorian curled his finger, "Come and try."

Manon slid down the boulder. She slowly walked towards him, stopped at the edge, her bare feet barely touching the slightly cold water.

He held out his hand."Come."

She shook her head; smirked.

Dorian smiled wickedly.

Manon felt his invisible hands under her shirt. Felt him begin to unbutton it, the fabric sliding off her shoulders, exposing her. She noticed the small shock in his eyes. He hadn't seen her body since they last slept together. The past week has been stolen kisses in the dark. Dorian and Manon were the only ones who knew where the keys they held were hidden, and the last one was still out of their reach. Manon had spent most of her days in the company of her thirteen, while Dorian had spent his with the men. And now... he was standing right in front of her, his eyes studying the small bump of her stomach.

Manon shifted; uncomfortable. Dorian slowly walked towards her. Beads of water running down his bare body. He got on his knees before her, raised his hands and placed them on her belly. Placed a kiss against it.

"You're beautiful." His fingers moved to the buttons of her pants. His sapphire eyes met hers, asking permission. She nodded and Dorian gently removed her last piece of clothing. He ran his hands up and down her thighs. He stood up and placed a kiss on her lips, his hands tangling in her hair. Dorian pulled her into the water. She gasped at the coldness. She pressed her lips against Dorian's neck, trying to steal his warmth. Her hands dug into his hair, legs wrapped around his waist; her hair wrapped around her, the ends clinging to his body. Dorian moved her lips away from his neck and kissed her deeply. A loud bristling of leaves made them break apart. Manon turned her head towards Abraxos. She gave Dorian a quick kiss and walked out of the water, sliding her clothes back on; Dorian followed.

Manon placed her hands on top of Abraxos' head, he nudged his nose against her stomach. Manon smiled. She heard Dorian walk forward. His footsteps light.

"Abraxos," she whispered. "This is Dorian Havilliard. He's very special to me, so be kind. We both know how vicious you can be," she added with a quiet laugh. She walked towards Dorian and took his hand. She placed his hand on Abraxos's head, guided it up and down his scales. Dorian smiled.

Manon released Dorian's hand, but still he continued to pet him. Dorian got on his knees as Abraxos turned over to lay on his back.

"Abraxos! You lazy-"

Dorian laughed. "It's okay, Manon," he said as his hand ran up and down Abraxos's stomach. Abraxos glared at her. "She's just jealous," Dorian told him.

Manon got on her knees next to Dorian and cupped his cheeks. She pulled his lips to her and kissed him. Abraxos growled. Manon smiled. Dorian sighed.

"Don't worry," he told him. "I like you more."

Manon pushed him, and Dorian gently nudged her back.

"We should head back, Manon," he said. "They will be looking for us soon."

She took a deep breath and nodded. Dorian stood and offered her his hands. Manon took them and Dorian pulled her up.

Abraxos shifted himself into a sitting position . Manon placed her hands on him, but looked at Dorian. "Do we really have to," she whispered. "I don't want to leave him."

Dorian placed his hands over hers. "It's just for a little while more," he whispered in her ear. "Besides, I've heard that our dear Abraxos has found himself a female companion."

She raised her eyebrows at Abraxos. He gave her a mischievous look.

"You better not."

Abraxos nodded.

Manon rolled her eyes. She knew her wyvern was friendly to Asterin's. She just didn't think he was _that f_ riendly. Manon sighed and placed her arms around him. "I'll miss you," she whispered. "We'll be back together soon. But until then, I'll miss you." She laid her head on him. "I love you, Abraxos," she said quietly. Dorian kissed her temple. "Now go," she said.

Dorian gently pulled her back as Abraxos spread his wings and took flight.

"Just come back," she murmured under her breath. "Come back safe."

"He will," Dorian whispered in her ear. "He'll always come back to you."

She turned in his arms and kissed his lips. "I'm ready."

Dorian nodded and they walked to the village, hands intertwined.

* * *

Dorian felt Manon turn to her side. It was almost morning and he hadn't gotten much sleep.

"Dorian?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm not feeling so good."

Dorian sat up and quickly reached for the bucket. Manon leaned forward and vomited. She had vomited several times throughout the night. Dorian holding her hair back as she violently gagged.

It hurt him to see her like this, to know that he played a part in this. The healer would check in on her every now and then, but her only advice was the one Manon didn't need to hear. So Dorian held her through it, praying to any god that would listen; prayed for it stop.

Manon paused and took a deep breath. Dorian waited.

"I'm okay," she said weakly. "I'm going to be okay."

"Manon, this is not okay," he whispered. "You need to-"

"Not yet," she whispered. " _Please_ don't make me take it yet."

He shook his head. "I can't bear to sit and watch you like this."

"Not yet," she replied.

Dorian laid back down and Manon rested her head on his chest. He ran his hand up and down her back. "Not yet," he whispered.

* * *

"Dorian, where are we going?"

"It's a surprise," he said. Their hands tightly bound together as he led her down into the forest. The blood-stained silk of her pearl flimsy dress swaying against her bare ankles, her hair loose and running down her back.

Dorian stopped when he reached the two doors. They were massive, with red roses and vines intertwined. Dorian let go of her hand and brushed the vines to the side.

Manon took in their surroundings. They were in the middle of the forest, branches swayed above them, the cold dark night making her shiver, only the light of the white moon shining above them. She watched Dorian as he moved to push the doors open. His all black formal attire made him even more achingly handsome. Dorian turned back to look at her. She gave him a small smile. He returned it and opened the doors.

Manon gasped.

* * *

 ** _Before_**

"Elide, what are you doing?"

"Your hair, Manon."

Manon was growing frustrated. She didn't want to do this. Pretending to seduce a man for information wasn't something she ever wanted to do. Even Dorian had a hard time controlling his anger when he heard the news. But in the end she agreed. It was the only way. And she couldn't bear putting her thirteen in anymore danger. She was responsible for their safety, and she didn't want to risk it. They had wasted too much time already. It needed to be done. She told Dorian not to worry, that she could defend herself. That she had been defending herself for decades.

 _"I know," he said. "But sometimes I worry about you. Sometimes I feel like you hide everything inside and not even I can reach it. And If he tries..."_

 _"He won't. I won't let him."_

 _"If he even tries to touch you, I will-"_

 _"If he even tries to touch me, I will kill him."_

 _He shook his head but gave her a small smile. "Be safe. I'll be near."_

 _He kissed her forehead and went to get ready._

"Manon, please stop moving."

Manon paused long enough for Elide to pin her hair. Emma was touching the dress that was laid out on the cot. She noticed Asterin giving her glances every now and then, noticed how distant she has been. Manon still hadn't told her. She still wanted to, but she still lacked the courage to do so. Manon felt like a coward. She could kill and maim, yet she can't even tell her cousin that she is pregnant, that she needed her now more than anything.

Asterin moved forward and handed her the dress. Manon knew Asterin was staring at her as she walked to the restroom. Her thirteen had never been ones to shy away from seeing each others naked bodies. But Asterin stopped showing hers because of her brand, and now Manon was hiding hers; hiding the small bump that was beginning to slowly grow.

Manon slipped the dress on. It was pearl colored, made of very thin material. It left her arms bare, and it swayed when she walked. She has never worn a dress before, and she never thought she would, or would want to. She ran her fingers down the material; smiled to herself. Manon moved from side to side, making sure her bump was concealed. When she was satisfied, she walked out.

Manon met Elide's eyes and they both smiled. She turned to look at Asterin, but she was gone.

"You look beautiful, Manon."

Manon looked down at her feet. "Thank you, Elide."

She looked up to find Elide beaming with joy. She hadn't spoken much to Elide in the past weeks. She vaguely remembered Dorian telling her about the time she talked to him. "Elide?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you love him?"

Elide stood silent.

"Cause if you do... that's okay."

Elide bit her lip.

"People change. I've..."

"I know."

Manon picked at her dress. "... And If you really want to know... you should do it with someone you love."

Elide walked forward and wrapped her arms around her. "Thank you."

Manon hugged her back.

Emma looked curiously up at them. "Do what?"

"Nothing," they said in unison.

Emma rolled her eyes. "Nobody ever tells me anything."

Elide grabbed Emma's hand and led her out of the room.

Manon placed the pearl-silk shawl over her shoulders. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

* * *

She ran as fast as she could. Her hair unpinning and flowing behind her. Her once beautiful dress now smeared with blood, her shawl wrapped around her wrist. She had pulled off her shoes when she fled, her bare feet now meeting the cold mud over and over again. A hand reached out to grab her wrist. "Don't touch me!"

"It's just me, Manon," he panted. "Just me."

She threw her arms around him. Buried her face into his chest.

"What happened?"

"Nothing."

"You're lying."

She shook her head.

"Did he hurt you?"

She bit her lip, still trying to catch her breath.

 _Manon watched Dorian as he sat at one of the tables, pretending to flirt with one of the girls. He caught her eye and she smiled at him, telling him that she got what they needed. Dorian casually began to excuse himself. Manon walked down the corridor. She felt someone grab her wrist. She turned and found four men staring down at her. The man holding her wrist pulled her towards him._

 _"So you're the bitch that Erawan wants to bred," he spat._

 _"Let me go."_

 _She felt another man wrap his hand around her other wrist._

 _"No," he said. He moved his lips towards her ear. "Once Erawan is done with..." he laughed,"I'm going to-"_

 _His eyes greedily ran down her body. Stopped at her stomach. He gave her a haunting smile. "Look at this boys... seems to me our whore already started whoring around."_

 _The other men laughed._

 _The man holding her wrist ran his hand down her arm, moved to touch her stomach._

 _Manon snapped. One moment there were four men in front of her and the next she had a spine in her hands. She looked down to see three of the men torn to pieces. Her iron nails had pieces of flesh stuck to them. She looked up and her vision focused in on Dorian. He had his bare hands around the fourth man's throat. But he hadn't moved to kill him yet. Manon made herself move towards him. She met Dorian's eyes. "Do it," she whispered._

 _He hesitated. Manon took her nails and placed them around the man's throat. "Let go, Dorian."_

 _"Manon-"_

 _"Let go."_

 _But his hands remained. Manon's nails dug into the flesh of the man's throat. The man screamed as her nails began to pierce through his veins. Dorian finally let go; turned away._

 _The other men didn't have time to scream. She wouldn't make the same mistake. This man deserved it. She wanted to hear him scream._

 _"Just kill him already. Please, just kill him."_

" _No," she said. But she felt her tears begin to run down her face. "No," she whispered._

 _"Please," he whispered, his voice cracking._

 _With one final slash of her nails, the man's body thudded to the ground._

 _"Manon," Dorian whispered._

 _She ran._

* * *

Dorian led her to a stream. She didn't speak, just continued to wash the blood off herself. Her dress was smeared with blood, torn in certain places.

He closed his eyes.

"I'm not scared of you. I don't hate you. I don't-"

"Not right now, Dorian. I don't want to hear it."

He opened his eyes. Took in their surroundings. He knew this forest. The legend behind it.

"Manon-"

"Not right now."

But he continued, "I'm a coward."

"No, you aren't.

"I am. I didn't-"

"I shouldn't have asked that of you, Dorian. It was cruel of me-"

" _Cruel?_ Manon, he tried to... _I_ was a coward. _I_ failed. I know you can protect yourself but I should of-"

"No."

"Manon-"

"You are the only bright part of my life, Dorian. The brightest part. I don't want to see your light go out. I don't want you to cross that line. Even if it's to protect me," she whispered.

"I _can't_ promise you that."

"I _can't_ promise you I won't kill. I don't want to. I don't want to be a monster. But-"

"He deserved it."

"He did." She looked up at the moon. "We should go-"

" _No_. I want to show you something first."

Her liquid gold eyes looked up at him.

He held out his hand. Manon stared at it; slowly placed hers gently against his. He tightened his hold and pulled her up. He led her through the forest. His magic feeling the hum of the cathedral. His eyes searched until they finally landed on it. The only thing visible was the big doors; the rest was covered in vines and roses.

He removed his hand from hers and pushed the door open.

Manon gasped.

* * *

Manon took in her surroundings. It was so beautiful. There were no pews, no ceiling, only a large throne was placed in the cathedral. The throne was made of branches and vines. Flowers tumbled down its sides. The columns were tall. Grass peaked through the floor. Manon looked up towards the sky; looked up to admire all the stars that seemed to glow even brighter for them.

Manon reached for Dorian's hand. He gently pulled her towards the throne. She sat down on it; laughed when her feet dangled. Dorian tore at the branches and began to twist and tangle them. He picked four pretty roses and placed them on his handmade crown. He kneeled and held it up.

"My queen," he said.

Manon smiled.

Dorian stood up and placed the crown on her head; kissed her cheek. Manon patted her hand on the empty space beside her. Dorian sat. She tore the branches at the armrest and made her own crown. Dorian bowed his head forward so she could place it on him.

Manon held his hand.

"Manon, do you know what this place is?"

She shook her head.

"This place is supposed to be a myth. I didn't think it actually existed. Only a legend in one of my books. But... as the legend goes, this cathedral will only appear for..." He looked into her eyes. "If you ever doubt my love for you, think of this place. Because Manon, this place is only meant to appear for those who are bound together. Body and soul. You said that witches had no such thing as mates, but this place is proof that there is something between us, something stronger...unbreakable."

Manon looked down at her belly. "And this?"

He looked down at her stomach, "I don't know why this is happening, I just hope that everything will be okay in the end."

Manon leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. She smiled.

"Dorian Havilliard?"

"Yes, my queen?"

"What do you think it would be like to be married?"

Dorian pretended to think.

"Manon Blackbeak?"

"Yes, my king?"

He sat up and tore another branch from the throne. Twisted it.

Dorian's sapphire eyes held hers while he bent down and kneeled on one knee. Manon froze; It was just a thought. She didn't expect him to-

"Manon Blackbeak, I love you. I want to spend whatever time I have left in this world with you. You are my sword and shield. I will spend the rest of my days trying to make up for the years it should have been you. Should of been you who I woke up next to. The one I should of been kissing. I will love you until the darkness claims me. Even after. And If I could live forever I would spend it beside you. I will try my hardest to never disappoint you. Whatever you want...I'll do whatever you want. We don't need to tell anyone. Just you and me. It was always going to be you. It was always you, Manon." He closed his eyes and brought her hand to his lips. Opened them and looked right into her soul. He leaned forward so that his lips hovered over hers. "Hello, witchling," he whispered. "Will you marry me?"

Manon stared into his eyes. It felt unreal. Unreal that this beautiful creature loved her. Wanted to be with her. Loved her for who she is... what she is. But looking into his eyes...she knew. Knew what kind of man Dorian was; he wouldn't force her to do things...would love her with everything he had. He would be hers. Only the moon above them to bear witness to their private vows. And here she was, in her pearl blood stained dress. Manon never needed anybody to hold her hand, but with Dorian...she would gladly walk beside him. As his equal. He wouldn't be like the other men, the ones who belittled her because she was a woman; witch. For the first time in her life she realized that it was okay for her to want this. To want to be with a man. To be owned by one in the most healthiest way possible. No, he wasn't like other men. Dorian is what other men should _want_ to be. What other men _should_ be. She was ready. Ready to give herself to him. Ready to finally go over the edge with him. Ready for them to be bonded. Ready to give him her life.

"Hello, princeling," she murmured on his lips. "I've waited a very long time for you," she placed a gentle kiss and then moved her mouth towards his ear, and whispered,"Yes."

Dorian smiled and spread her fingers apart. He placed the ring and kissed her hand. Manon felt tears run down her face.

Dorian took her shawl and placed it over her head; it covered her face.

"You may now kiss the bride," he teased.

Manon laughed through her tears.

Dorian lifted her shawl and let his lips linger over hers.

"Too long. I've waited too long."

He kissed her. "You have my heart, Manon."

"You have mine," she whispered. "Always."

* * *

Dorian sat on the throne while Manon laid on his lap. Her back was against the arm of the throne and her legs dangled from the other end. Manon guided his hand up and down the small bump of her belly.

"Manon Havilliard?"

Manon laughed. "Dorian Blackbeak."

He stuck out his tongue at her. She laughed and stuck out hers.

Manon reached to the side and tore out some branches. She twisted them. Made a ring for him.

"Now you are officially mine," she laughed, as she placed the ring on his finger. She leaned forward and kissed him. "Now what do we do?"

Dorian smiled and gently lifted her off his lap.

He moved to the center of the room. Turned toward her and bowed.

Manon followed him and since she never curtsied before, she bowed, too.

Dorian shook his head and Manon thought he was going to correct her, but instead, Dorian wrapped his hands around her waist and said, "You are Manon Blackbeak...and you bow to no man."

Manon smiled. "I thought I was a Havilliard."

Dorian grinned. "I thought I was a Blackbeak."

She wrapped her hands behind his neck, "Now what?"

"We dance."

She titled her head, "But there isn't any music."

Dorian smiled. "Close your eyes."

Manon shut her eyes. Waited. It was a low hum at first, but then it slowly began to spread through the church.

She opened her eyes. "How?"

Dorian kissed her forehead. "There wasn't music last time I asked you to dance. I didn't know if I could, but I tried it a few times. I was waiting for the perfect time to show you."

Manon smiled and Dorian twirled them around. Dorian released her, and still, she continued dancing. Twirling. Her hands towards the sky. Her blood smeared dress trailing her movements. She laughed.

* * *

Dorian sat on the throne watching her. He felt like his heart would burst from the joy he felt. He continued to control the soft melody. The one he made for her. The one that reminded him of her. He smiled as he watched her twirl, again and again.

She finally walked towards him, panting. "I think my dancing has improved."

Dorian laughed. "Oh no, love, you're still terrible."

Manon laughed with him. Dorian reached out his hand to grab her, but she pulled away, smirking. Dorian reached out again and she moved even further back. Dorian sat up from the throne. He held out his hand, "Manon."

She smiled and then ran. Dorian chased her. Every time he would get close, she would bolt again. He leaned against one of the columns and closed his eyes. His magic searching for her; his magic still playing her melody.

* * *

Manon hid behind a cloumn. She had to bite her lip to keep from laughing. She turned to run again, but her body met his and they tangled onto the floor. Dorian used his body as her shield so that she wouldn't hurt herself.

Dorian ran his thumb along her lower lip. She watched as he bit his.

"And now?"

"I don't want to hurt you," he said, quietly.

"You won't," she whispered.

Dorian moved his hands to her stomach. "We shouldn't."

"It's okay. I'm okay. We'll just have to be careful."

Dorian closed his eyes.

Manon moved her lips to his ear. "I want you to make love to me...as my husband."

Dorian faintly smiled. "Say that again."

Manon placed herself on top of him. Her lips hovering over his. His hands running up and down her thighs. "My husband," she whispered on his lips.

He opened his eyes and tangled his hands in her hair. Gently turned her, so that she was spread beneath him.

She ran her fingers along his lips."Will you do something for me?"

"Anything."

She moved her hands through his silky locks. Tugged his head down so that his mouth hovered over her neck. "Right here," she whispered.

Dorian leaned back to look at her face. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

* * *

Dorian sat up in between Manon's spread legs. He slowly ran his hands up and down her body. Cupped her covered breasts. He pulled at the straps of her dress. The fabric tearing, exposing her full breasts.

Dorian leaned down and sucked a nipple into his mouth. Gently tugged at the hardened bud. Manon gasped. Dorian pulled away and ran his hand up her thighs, hiking her dress up to her waist. He moved his mouth down.

"Dorian-"

"Shh," he whispered. "I want to please my wife."

He spread her legs with his hands. Felt her flinch when his tongue slipped inside of her. Her hands rested on his head as he moved. He lapped at her center; took her clit in his mouth and gently sucked.

Manon moaned his name when she came. Dorian licked her clean. He helped her as she tried to remove his shirt. Once it was off her hands went for his belt. She opened the buttons of his pants. She touched him gently with her fingers. She moved to get up, but Dorian stopped her.

"I want to please my husband," she whispered.

"You don't have to, Manon. There will be other times."

She nodded. Dorian placed his shirt under her. She laid back down.

Dorian placed his hands on her hips and gently entered her. They both groaned. He moved against her slowly. _Carefully_.

"Dorian, you won't hurt me."

He moved forward and placed a kiss on her lips. Thrusted deeper. Manon moaned. She ran her hands down his damp back as he continued to move. Dorian gently flipped them; Let _her_ set the pace. He sat up so that his chest and her breasts were pressed together as they moved. Manon's hands were fisted in his hair, and his were on her waist.

" _Please_ ," she panted. " _Please_."

Dorian moved his mouth over her neck. He placed a gentle kiss, and then bit down. He removed his teeth to lick at the drops of blood. A thousand different colors flashed and connected behind his eyes as their bond snapped into place. As he tasted her.

Manon silently screamed into his hair as she came. She was shaking when she came down from her high. She opened her eyes and smiled weakly. Dorian moved the damp strands of hair from her face. She ran her fingers along his neck.

Manon hesitated.

"I want this, Manon."

"Are you sure?"

" _Please_ ," he panted.

Manon circled a spot on his neck and placed a gentle kiss. Dorian's hands wrapped around her back as he resumed his thrusting. She licked the spot, and then she bit down.

" _Fuck_ ," he mouthed on her skin. He bucked into her as she tasted him. Dorian pressed his mouth against Manon's shoulder to contain his roar as they both reached their release.

* * *

Manon rested her forehead on his. Dorian looked up at her and gave her a tired smile.

"Did you see the colors?"

They were both still shaking against each other. "Yes."

Dorian leaned back and Manon fell on top of him. She moved her mouth to his ear, and whispered, "You are mine."

Dorian kissed her temple. "And _you_ are mine."

* * *

Manon Havilliard was deep asleep, drops of her blue blood ran down her neck. His red blood stained her lips. The sunlight sinking into her pale skin. Her hair in tangles.

Dorian reached out and brushed a knuckle against her soft cheek. He smiled. Pressed his lips against her neck. He moved his hand down to caress her belly. Felt Manon kiss the top of his head.

He felt her hands fist his hair as he nudged a finger inside of her. Entered another.

Dorian captured her moans with his mouth.

* * *

Dorian was on top of her, a bead of sweat ran down his brow. Manon's hands cupped the sides of his face. He thrusted into her.

Manon moved her finger to his lips. Dorian sucked it into his mouth. Her thin finger pressed deeper in; pressed against one of his sharp incisors as Dorian bit down and sucked on her blue blood. Manon's breath hitched. She pulled her finger out and brushed his cheek, leaving a trail of her blood. She took one of his fingers and dipped it into her mouth. She sucked on the sweet taste of him. The colors behind her eyes flashing once again; their bodies sticky and clinging together.

Manon moaned his name as she reached her peak. Dorian groaned and followed.

"Good morning, my queen," he panted.

Manon gave him a tired smile. "Good morning, my king."

Dorian pressed a gentle kiss on her lips. Manon brushed the hair out of his eyes. "I love you, princeling."

"I love you, witchling."

Dorian rested his head on her chest. She ran her hands down his back.

"Mr. Blackbeak?"

He smiled. "Mrs. Havilliard?"

"You make me so happy," she whispered.

Dorian kissed her.


	14. Chapter 14

**Truth**

"Manon?"

She let out a small noise.

"Manon, we really need to go."

She opened her eyes and squinted. The sun was hot on her skin and her dress was bunched around her waist. Her eyes met Dorian's as he buttoned up his pants. Manon tried to run her fingers through the tangles in her hair but eventually gave up. Dorian chuckled and kneeled next to her. His fingers grazed her cheek, her neck, landing on her shoulder. He leaned down and placed a kiss on the wound he made with his mouth. Manon felt the piece of skin stitch back together. He examined her flesh. The thin scar.

"I'm sorry, Manon. I didn't know... I still can't fully control how I heal and -"

She cocked her head. Gave him a small smile. "I like it."

Manon looked down at her dress, she traced the blood stains on the silk. Dorian took the straps that hung around her waist and slid them over her shoulders. He pressed his lips against hers.

Manon brushed her fingers against the wound on _his_ neck. "Will you heal it?"

Dorian leaned forward to give her another kiss. When he pulled back, the wound was gone. Only a thin scar remained. "Now we match," he said.

Manon grabbed his hand and kissed the inside of his wrist. Dorian brushed his thumb against her cheek. He leaned forward and kissed up her neck. His warm tongue touched her skin and her breath hitched. Dorian's teeth gently scraped along her jaw and Manon let out a small noise. Dorian captured it with his mouth.

Manon's stomach growled. Dorian chuckled and pulled away. "Hungry?"

She rubbed her belly. "Very."

Dorian placed a quick kiss on her lips and stood. She placed her hands in his as he helped her stand. She pulled the ring she made off him and pulled off hers as well.

"We should hide these for now."

Dorian didn't reply. Manon kissed them and found a patch of mud in the corner to bury them. Once she was done, Dorian took her hand and led her towards the door. Manon looked over her shoulder to take one last look at the church. She smiled.

* * *

Dorian and Manon were once again at the river where Manon had cleaned the blood off herself. Dorian watched as she crouched down and began to clean her body. He discarded his clothes and did the same.

"Dorian..."

"Yeah?"

"My dress..."

Dorian looked over to where her clothes were laid.

"You can use my shirt. Just take your dress with you if you don't want anyone to-"

She nodded. She swam towards him. Dorian lifted her so that her legs wrapped around his waist. Her hands ran along his shoulders. She leaned her forehead against his.

"Will you tell them?"

She stilled and took a breath. "Not yet. But Dorian... If we choose this path, do we have to get married with an audience?"

"Do you not want to?"

She shook her head. "You are the only one who knows me this way. The only one I'm comfortable with. The only one I trust. But...I know we aren't _actually_ married-"

"It's real to me," he whispered.

She placed a long gentle kiss on his lips. "Me too."

Dorian pulled away and rested his head on her shoulder. She ran her hands through his hair.

"Dorian... can I ask you something?"

"Always."

She paused for a long moment.

"If you needed to marry someone else for political ties... would you do it?"

Dorian kissed her shoulder and then raised his head to look at her. "I would rather be dead than be married to another."

Manon looked down.

Dorian nudged his head against hers. When she didn't look up, he gently tilted her chin up.

"But if you ever had to..."

"Had to...?"

"I won't be your mistress," she whispered. "I wouldn't do it. It couldn't stand to watch you kiss someone else and then come to touch me."

"I wouldn't want you to," he said quietly. "You know I wouldn't do that to you."

"But I also know how politics work. I've seen enough of that to know how things are."

"Maybe they don't have to be that way," he whispered. "Things change all the time. If we survive this...I'll be king and you will be my queen. But only if you want to."

Dorian moved a wet strand of hair from her face. Placed a kiss on her nose. "Will you be my queen?"

Manon pressed her lips to his. "Yes," she murmured on his lips.

Dorian ran his hand down her back. Lower. He cupped her and gently squeezed. His mouth bit her shoulder. "Shall I show you what I would do to my queen?" he whispered into her skin. "Show you what we will do every night."

She arched her brow. "Every night?"

"And day," he corrected.

"And how will you have me?"

Dorian bit her lip. "On your knees."

A kiss to the corner of her mouth. "On your stomach, with your hands fisting the sheets." He kissed the other corner. "This," he said as he squeezed her again, "up."

Manon fisted her hands in his hair as he licked up the column of her neck.

"I want your legs open wide for me."

Manon moaned.

"And then, Manon..."

Manon's lips parted.

"And then I'm going to lick you. My tongue deep inside of you...tasting you."

Dorian pressed her to him and groaned when he felt how wet she was. How drenched. His hardness against her.

"And then," he continued, "then I'm going to slide myself into you. And if anyone is around... might have to find a way to cover that pretty little mouth of yours."

Manon bit her lip, her long dark lashes looking up at him, and said, "I thought you liked my pretty little mouth."

Dorian grinned. "I fucking love that pretty little mouth."

And despite his words, he pressed his lips against hers gently. He pulled back and rested his head against hers. Watched her golden beautiful eyes go from lust to loving.

"I really do love you, Manon. So, so, so much," he whispered.

"And I love you, Dorian Blackbeak."

He chuckled. Shook his head and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"And when will you do this to me?" she said with a smile.

"I don't..."

 _When I won't hurt you. When this is..._

He _hated_ himself for even thinking like that. But his face must have given him away because Manon said, "We can still do other stuff..."

She paused and bit her lip. "For now."

Dorian gave her a slow nod.

Manon's stomach grumbled.

She looked away from him and said,"It is really hungry."

 _It._

And it was that word, _'it'_ became just a thing for her. And Dorian knew, felt it deep in his bones, that Manon was going to distance herself from their child. Because everyday _she_ got closer. Closer to losing him. Closer to _Manon_ losing him. He knew that even though he loved their child fiercely... it would never compare to the love of a mother. He also knew that though he and Manon didn't receive the love that a child should have been given, that they would've tried to give their child the best. And though he thought that maybe it _would_ be best for them to distance themselves... their child didn't deserve that. He didn't know if their child was really a child... one that could feel hurt or pain. Joy. But even though Manon's belly was small... and perhaps their child wasn't fully developed... _He_ deserved to be loved. To know that they loved him. That they wanted him here with them. That they would protect him. Love him, despite what little time they would have with him.

Dorian gently pulled her chin so she could meet his eyes. He wanted to tell her. Tell her that it was okay to love their child deeply, knowing that he wouldn't make it. Tell her he loved their child too. That his pain might not even compare to hers. That she was so strong. His Manon. That he might never be able to heal this wound of hers. That he would stand by her through it all. Listen to her. Be the man she needs. Be the man that she would want him to be. The man that wouldn't for once hurt her. But in the end, all he said was, "Food?"

Manon gently kissed him and said, "Food."

Doran turned away and was about to swim to shore when Manon caught his hand.

Dorian paused and turn towards her.

Manon looked up at the sky. As if she was having trouble forming her sentences.

"When that night... when you came into my cabin..."

Dorian nodded.

"It was my fault. This is my fault because I didn't take anything after. The curse was supposed to prevent us from having children. It was supposed to be a curse... but now I think maybe it was a blessing. To not feel this kind of love."

"It wasn't your fault," he whispered.

"And that night in the library... I did that at the end..for selfish reasons. I didn't want to admit to myself. Only allowed myself to wonder. All I did was wonder. But I did it with the intention of getting..."

Manon bit her lip, lost in thought again. Gave a quiet humorless laugh and shook her head. "I didn't even ask what you wanted. If you wanted. And I would of burdened you with a child. And I know you asked me once about children. And that you wanted some. And that 'I could make you happy' bit was your way of telling me you wouldn't mind having some with me. I still should have asked you straight on. We promised ourselves to each other and it should of just been common sense that we could. But I lied to you. Even broke my vow after I left you. And I feel guilt over that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I left."

"I would of wanted _you_. Would have given you whatever you wanted. Will still give you whatever you want. And you know that, too."

"I know," she said, quietly. "I just wanted to give you a choice. One that I didn't get. One that she took from me. One that was taken from you."

He pulled her close to him. Kissed her forehead. "Thank you."

Manon captured his lips.

"I love you, Manon Havilliard."

Manon's stomach grumbled once again and Dorian gave a quiet chuckle. "Let's get you some food."

* * *

It was late when they got back to the village. The air was cold and Manon pressed her body to Dorian's, stealing his heat. She had her bloodstained dressed on to cover her thighs, but the rest was covered by Dorian's shirt. Dorian, who was currently walking against the cold night without a shirt. Manon wondered what his magic could do. What his limits were. If he even had any.

Manon studied him. He met her eyes and smiled. Their hands clasped together.

"Are you even a bit cold?

Dorian shook his head. "Not at all."

Dorian took her hands and blew hot breath into them. He kissed the inside if her wrist and pulled away.

"Better?"

"Not really," she said.

Dorian opened his mouth to reply... but Asterin beat him to it.

She was furious. "What happened to you?

"We-"

"We had some trouble. Manon took care of it. We didn't come back because we didn't want to risk men coming here." Dorian sighed and continued, "And that is what we will tell _them_."

Manon knew _them_ meant her thirteen. Asterin already knew. Asterin wouldn't tell.

Asterin looked at Dorian and quietly said, "Thank you. Thank you for keeping her safe."

Dorian chuckled and Manon looked up at him.

He shook his head and said, "Manon saved me. She is the one that will keep _me_ safe."

Manon understood the meaning behind those words. That she didn't just save him from the men in the hall. That she wouldn't save him from dangerous things because she was immortal and a witch. She understood that he meant that _she_ would save him from the darkness that wanted to cling to him. The darkness that he constantly fought, day after day.

Asterin studied her for a moment. "May I have a word?"

Manon raised her brows. "May I? Word?"

"Well, he is the king you know."

"You don't have to be formal with us," Manon said. "Dorian doesn't mind."

"I know he doesn't." She rolled her eyes. "But _you_ will be queen one day, Manon. We need to get used to this bullshitery."

Manon smiled.

"And perhaps you should watch your mouth, too. You'll have to set an example of this bullshitery. Don't want people thinking our queen has a dirty mouth."

Dorian smiled wide.

Asterin just shook her head, "I'll have a 'word' with you later, Manon." And then she left.

Dorian just shook his head, still smiling, and said, "I love that pretty, little, dirty mouth."

Manon playfully pushed him and said, "You're the one with the dirty mouth."

* * *

The thirteen were passing around bottles of liquor when she found them. They were inside Asterin's cabin. But when Manon's eyes wandered the room she found no trace of her.

Dorian entered a few minutes later and took a seat towards the back of the room. She gave him a secret smile.

Fallon was passing the bottle to Faline, who passed the bottle to Manon. Manon hesitated. She wasn't one to ever pass; she also wasn't one that allowed herself to get overly drunk. Just in case she was caught unawares. Though Manon knew in her current situation she couldn't. Her eyes met Dorian's briefly. But then the bottle was taken from her hands by Asterin who said, "Wouldn't want our queen to do something she shouldn't," she added with a wink.

And it was that moment that Manon understood. Understood why Asterin, who was beside her for decades was now distant. She knew. Asterin knew about the little prince inside her.

Asterin took a long sip and turned to Dorian. The thirteen also turned.

"I bet the _king_ can't even hold down his liquor."

The witches laughed.

Dorian gave a wicked smile and held out his hand.

Asterin tossed him the bottle.

"Wanna bet?"

* * *

Dorian tugged at the laces of her shirt. Let it slip off her shoulders. The back of Manon's head rested against the wall as Dorian licked his way down her neck until his mouth reached her breast. He sucked on the sensitive peak. Flicked his tongue against her. Manon's hands ran through his thick hair. His hand slid underneath her breast. Lifting it so he can suck on her more thoroughly. Manon moaned.

Dorian licked back up her neck, claiming her mouth as his hands caressed her scalp. He groaned as his mouth clashed with hers. Manon tasted him. Tasted the liquor on his tongue.

Manon didn't mind. She wanted him like this. Wanted him to feel good; wanted him to feel the same way he always made her feel. He kneeled before her. Slowly unbuttoned her pants. Slipped them off her, and placed a kiss against her. His nose sniffed at her and Manon gasped.

She met his reddened eyes. Dorian held her gaze as he parted his lips. As the tip of his tongue gently tapped against her. She bit her lip, her eyes pleading with him to take her deeper.

Dorian stood and Manon slipped his shirt off his head. His mouth meeting hers once again. She reached for his belt but he pushed her hands away.

He lifted her off the wall and placed her on the bed.

Dorian placed his hands on her waist and flipped her so that her breasts were pressed against the sheets. Manon opened her legs so he could devour her.

Dorian spread her open. Moved his thumb on her bud and made circles. Manon arched. His fingers dug into the sides of her thighs as he tasted her. He licked around her outer lips and then peppered kisses on her core. He swallowed and spread her lips with his fingers. Watched as a new wave of wetness leaked from her. Brushed her opening with his knuckles. He moved his mouth down. Licked her from bottom to top. Put his tongue inside of her. Manon arched into him. She moaned into the pillow. Dorian feasted on her. Manon turned her head to the side to watch him. He peered over the side of her thigh and Manon sighed. Dorian smiled and then continued to feast on her.

Manon fisted the sheets and covered a hand over her mouth to quiet her moans as she met her finish.

Dorian flipped her gently onto her back. He licked her clit and then continued to lick up her body. When her lips met his he said, "Next time, Manon. I want to hear you moan. And I won't let you finish until you do."

Manon bit her lip and pushed him on his back. Unbuckled his belt.

He placed a hand over his face.

"I really am drunk, Manon," he whispered.

She rubbed him over his pants. Dorian groaned.

"Do you not want me to?"

Dorian chuckled.

Manon rubbed him a bit harder.

"I want that _fucking_ pretty little mouth always," Dorian growled.

Manon smiled. She unbuttoned his pants and tugged them off.

Dorian sat up to sit at the edge of the bed.

Manon got on her knees. She licked her lips. Peppered kisses up and down his length. Flicked her tongue on his head.

"I want to hear that dirty mouth, Dorian."

He laughed and covered his hand over his face. Groaned when her tongue licked him from root to tip.

Manon plunged him into her mouth and began to thoroughly taste him. Dorian fisted his hands in her hair. Hers rubbed at his thighs as she took his thick length deeper.

She scraped her teeth against him and Dorian gripped her hair tighter.

"Holy shit...just like that," he panted. "Just like that."

She released him with a plop and moved her mouth down to suck at the sensitive part of him.

"Fuck."

Manon placed her mouth back on his member and began to suck.

"Manon," he groaned. "Fuck... I'm going to..."

Dorian moved the hair out of her face to take in every inch of her. Gripped her chin up for a better view.

"You look so fucking beautiful," he said. "So beautiful."

Manon groaned as Dorian finished in her mouth.

She pumped him twice and met his eyes as she tapped the head of him against her tongue; letting him watch as his finish coaxed her tongue.

"Fuck," he repeated.

Manon raised herself to place a kiss on his cheek.

Dorian wiped the bit of cum at the corner of her mouth.

"How was that?"

Dorian grinned at her as he pulled her to the bed.

* * *

A whole day. They were apart a whole day and he already missed her. He had awoken early to hunt with the men. His head pounded and Manon merely told him that it was his fault for betting against her thirteen. He had thought his magic would heal him. Guess not.

It was late when he entered their room. The hut wwherethey had stayed for days now.

The healer hadn't been in the kitchen when he woke. And Dorian understood that she must have left during the night to give Manon and him privacy.

Manon smiled as he approached.

"Did you miss me as much as I've missed you?"

Manon laughed.

"More," she said as she kissed him.

* * *

M anon watched Dorian one night as he entered their room. Several minutes before she had been panicking. She knew it was her hormones playing tricks on her... but the feelings were real. The _memories_ were real. She was sitting on the bed. Her arms wrapped around herself. Shaking. When she heard him enter she quickly forced herself together.

Dorian eyes looked as if he'd been crying.

"Dorian," she whispered. "What's wrong?"

He shook his head. Faked a smile. Brushed it off.

Manon needed him. Wanted him. Wanted this as much as he needed it. Needed his body and his heat.

His hand roughly grabbed her arm and pulled her to him so that the distance between their lips would close.

Manon slapped him. Her nails coming out without her permission; Her nails grazing his cheek and drawing blood. Dorian held his hand to his face.

Manon froze.

Dorian moved away from her and slid to the ground. His back resting against the bed.

"Dorian... I didn't mean to. Oh God. I'm so sorry," she said, as her mouth was covered by her hand. "I'm so sorry." She shook her head. Sliding down next to him. Her side resting against the bed. Facing him. Her eyes searching his. She slowly-gently reached out to him. Only allowed her fingers to make contact with his shoulder.

Dorian didn't look at her.

"Please...," she pleaded. "Please look at me."

Dorian didn't.

She took a breath of courage."There is something I didn't tell you. That night when we promised to tell everything to each other..."

Still no response.

"There once was a fae male," she said, as she gently rubbed circles on the tip of his bare shoulder. "It started out okay." she paused. "Started out a way I was used to. With them on..." she closed her eyes. "He kept trying to get me under him. He was strong and forceful. Like they all were. And after... when I was trying to put on my clothes... he grabbed me from behind..."

Manon rested her forehead against the side of his head.

"I wasn't fullydressed when he grabbed me from behind. He had one arm around my waist, the other was holding my arm. I remember he was really strong. The arm around me moved down to my..." she closed her eyes. "He gripped me there. Much to hard. It hurt. But as he did it... he twisted my arm. I felt him. I felt him behind me. He tried to enter me, but when he couldn't he got mad and twisted my arm even more. He removed his hand that was down there to place it on himself. To grip himself. To try to guide himself inside me. But he was only able to enter..." a tear fell down her face and landed on Dorian's skin. She brushed it away.

"When he was distracted I took my chance. He was young and untrained. It that moment I became stronger than _him._ I was the one that wouldn't be torn to pieces. I was the one that won. But in _this_ moment he won. We done other things before. Touched in places as well, but with you I had a choice. You didn't just take and take. Didn't gorge yourself on me." She opened her eyes to find his sapphire eyes looking at her. "I panicked. T _his_ time I panicked. He won. What I did just now..."

Dorian finally opened his mouth. The side of his face leaking blood. Gently lifted her right arm.

"Is it this one?" he whispered.

Manon looked down when she saw his face but nodded.

Dorian bowed his head to place kisses all along her arm.

"The day in the marshes, when you grabbed my wrist, I was a bit terrified. Terrified of you. I don't know why. I know- know that you would never hurt me. There is no doubt in my mind. But..."

"I apologize for that, Manon. I promise to never do that to you again. _Never."_

"And I promise to never hit you again."

Dorian chuckled, and Manon felt her body ease. Dorian gently, slowly put his hands on her waist. But only when she answered his silent question. Manon nodded as he lifted her onto his lap.

He gave her a small smile, "You can hit me every time I deserve it."

It was her turn to smile.

She gently placed her fingers on his cut cheek. "Please heal it," she whispered.

Dorian placed his lips against and when he pulled away it was gone. Only a barley-there scar remained. She touched it and said,"But you can heal it fully?"

He shook his head. "I don't want to. What you just told me, Manon... I can't even imagine what that must feel like for you. That scar that he left on you..." he rested his forehead on hers. "You're right. I should just heal it."

"No," she said. "It is one of the kindest thing that anyone's had ever done for me. To bare a scar that is visible rather than one that no one will ever see. I want you to bare that scar for me. To also know that I am not alone."

She leaned forward to kiss it. Moved her mouth to kiss his lips. Deepend it.

Moved her hands down his stomach as his tangled themselves in her hair. They kissed all night long. Dorian whispering 'I love you', in between each one. Their clothes stayed on. They closed their eyes as Dorian pulled her close to him. At last, sleep took hold.


	15. Chapter 15

**Husband**

 _And there was blood everywhere. Hands were coaxed with it. The field filled with rotting bodies._

 _The king's face was covered in blood. Relying on his sword once he drained his magic._

 _The witch's hair was drenched with it. Relying on her iron nails once her sword broke._

 _And when their eyes met... they ran. Colliding with one another. Their arms holding the other one close._

 _Whispered words._

 _"I know how this ends."_

 _"Don't."_

 _"I'm dying."_

 _"You can't."_

 _"I'm sorry."_

 _"Please."_

 _"I love you."_

 _"Stay."_

 _Their lips hovered. Barely touching._

 _"You're breaking my heart."_

 _A broken sob._

 _"I'm sorry."_

 _Their lips touched._

 _"Stay with me."_

 _"I will."_

 _The witch's hair wrapped around them._

 _The king's arms tightly held both their bodies close._

 _"Please don't cry."_

 _"I'm sorry."_

 _Their lips touched again._

 _"You are my sword."_

 _"You are my shield."_

 _The king kissed her forehead._

 _The witch placed her hands on his chest._

 _"I have to go now."_

 _"Please."_

 _"I'm sorry."_

 _"You're saying goodbye. Please don't say goodbye."_

 _"I love you."_

 _"Please."_

* * *

 _Their head rested on the other's blood-soaked lap._

 _Felt hands cradling their neck._

 _Their hand reached to touch that face once more._

 _The last time their lips would touch._

 _That kiss._

 _Those loving eyes._

 _That beautiful soul._

 _"Hello..."_

 _A sad smile._

 _"Hello..."_

 _Their life was draining from their body._

 _Their heart slowed._

 _Their eyes flicked shut._

 _And with one last breath..._

 _They died._

* * *

 _Their whole world just died in their arms. Their love._

 _They whispered their name in their ear._

 _"Come back."_

 _Tears falling down their cheeks._

 _"Come back to me."_

 _Lips pressed against their forehead._

 _"I promise I'll be better. Just come back. Come back to me."_

* * *

Dorian brushed a strand of hair from Manon's forehead. She hummed and placed a kiss on his shoulder, her arm draped along his waist. He moved his lips to kiss the top of her head.

"I forget..." she murmured.

"Forget what?"

Her eyes searched his. "Forget that you are just a boy..."

"I'm not-"

" _You are_. Compared to the rest of us," she said quietly. Her eyes darted to the ceiling. "I've been alive for many years. Rowan has been alive for many years. You and Aelin haven't. This life that you both were thrown into... you don't deserve it." She interlaced her fingers with his and continued, "It's okay, Dorian. It's okay to cry when you have had enough. I'm here. You can tell me when you're ready. I won't laugh. I won't judge. I'm here."

Dorian slightly turned his body towards hers. She faced him and placed her fingers on the bruises under his eyes.

Manon gave a small smile. "I learned that from you."

Dorian caressed the back of her neck and captured her lips. He pulled away and placed a hand on her growing belly.

"Has anyone noticed?"

She shook her head. "Asterin... she knows. I'm sure she knows."

"Are you going to talk to her?"

Manon curled into him. "Yes," she said, quietly.

Dorian rubbed gentle circles with his hand. "How do you feel?" he asked.

Manon smiled and shook her head. "Loved."

She placed her hand on top of his and met his eyes. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For standing by me. Being my friend. My _husband."_

Dorian smiled.

"I wished I had a thousand years with you," she said.

"You have me now," he whispered.

"It is not enough."

Dorian took her hand and placed a kiss on the inner part of her wrist.

"I would have never thought... never thought that I could feel this way. That I was capable of feeling love."

He kissed her temple.

"Remember that night... the night in the woods. The night I asked for _that_."

Dorian nodded.

"I don't..." she bit her lip. "I don't think I want to try that again. At least not for a while. But if you..."

Dorian placed a gentle kiss on her lips. "We _never_ have to do something you don't want, Manon."

"I like that sometimes we can just sleep."

"Me too," he said quietly.

Manon must have noticed the shift in his emotions because she said,"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he whispered.

"Don't lie to me, Dorian Blackbeak."

He smiled at that. "I was just remembering something."

"Want to tell me what it is?"

He hesitated.

"You don't have to," she said quietly. "I understand. It just... my heart hurts when I know you are sad. I just don't like seeing you sad. I don't know what to do to make you feel better. To make it okay." She kissed his cheek. "To make the tears go away."

"I was thinking about..." he closed his eyes. "I was thinking about Sorscha."

He felt Manon shift beside him. She gently placed her hand in his.

"Why did you hesitate?"

He opened his eyes. "Because of you..."

"What about me?"

"It wouldn't be fair to you."

Manon squeezed their intertwined hands.

"Fair to me," she whispered to herself.

She looked him in the eyes and squeezed again. Dorian looked away.

"It's okay, Dorian. She meant a lot to you. She made you happy. She loved you. You loved her. It makes me happy that she cared for you. That she loved you and protected you. I wish I could say thank you. Thank you for loving you. Thank her for making you happy."

Dorian raised his head to look at her and gave her a fierce kiss. Manon gently pushed him away. "You can tell me. Don't feel guilty."

Dorian nodded.

"I was thinking about... about how Sorscha used to come into my room. How she used to stay with me and leave in the morning. How I told her I would pull down the moon for her. How we waited."

"Waited..."

"Waited to do _that_ ," he said quietly.

"You waited?"

"I thought we would have time."

"You came to me that night in the cabin... for release."

"I did."

She was quiet for a few moments."That night..."

Dorian waited.

"What was it like for you?"

Dorian rubbed his hand up and down her back.

"I mean... for me... I was so confused. I didn't know what you did to my body. But after you left..." She shook her head. "I still felt empty."

"I remember thinking how beautiful you were. How my blood boiled with desire for you. Remember how I backed you up into the wall?"

She nodded.

"I wanted to take you right there. I wanted to have you against the wall. But I also wanted to worship you. I wanted to take it slow. Have time to learn your body. When your breasts peaked, I wanted to taste you. Taste another part of you. I kept kissing you because... because you tasted like... like... Like I was safe. Like I found something worth living for. I didn't want to admit to myself. I wrestled with myself that whole night. Once I was alone in my room. And before, too." He let out a little laugh. "Your eyes kept looking up at me like... like I was something new. Like I was some foreign creature. Like you were curious to see my body-"

"I was," she cut in. "I never really looked."

Dorian bit his lip and continued.

"When you were finally bare before me... I wanted to burn that moment into my memory. And when I felt how wet you were for me..." He smiled. "I wanted to taste it. Wanted to taste the part of you that wanted me. And when I did... when I saw how much you liked it, I wanted to taste your finish before I finally had you. And you tasted so good," he whispered in her ear. "And when I finally entered you, I wanted to taste every moan that was coming out of your mouth. And you kept telling me you wanted more; kept whispering it. And you had me then. I would have done anything you asked. And after... I couldn't stop shaking, and you couldn't either. It felt as if something had been altered. Like we had done something that changed everything. Like the final piece of me had been found. And I still wanted you after. I would have moved within you over and over. Would have exhausted ourselves. And you looked so perfect after. You were slightly panting; strands of your hair hid your face from me. I wanted to see that beautiful face. And when I finally could... you looked up at me like you couldn't believe what we just done. You were flushed and shaking. And I was shaking, too. I felt it through my whole body. Felt some kind of buzz that wouldn't calm down. And when you asked me if it took the edge off, I don't think you knew how much I wanted you again. How I wanted to stay in that moment just a bit longer. How I wanted just to stay in you. How your full lips made want to kiss you again. How I should have kissed you again. And when you flicked your tongue against my thumb-tasting me- I thought of how much I wanted that mouth on me. Of all the ways that your mouth could undo me. And of all the ways I could pleasure you. Thought about the ways you would want to be pleasured if you would let me. Wanted to know what made you feel good."

"Thank you for sharing that with me," she said, as she rested her head on his chest. Her finger made circles on his skin. "But what do _you_ want," she whispered.

"For you to be happy."

"No," she said. "What do you want in the bedroom. How do you want _me_ to pleasure _you_?"

Dorian chuckled.

Manon looked up at him angerly. "Why are you laughing?"

"Because everything, and I mean _everything_ that involves you brings me pleasure."

"But what brings you the _mos_ t pleasure?"

Dorian pretended to think.

"Is it my kisses?"

"Maybe."

"Is it my hands?"

"Maybe."

"I know," she said excitedly. She rolled until she was on top of him. Straddled him. "Is it my mouth?"

Dorian smiled wide. His hands on her thighs. "I do love that mouth," he teased.

"Or maybe..." she said, as she took his thumb and ran it down her body. "Maybe..." she placed it on her center. "Is it here?"

Dorian flipped them so that he was on top. "And tell me, Manon..." he whispered into her ear. "Where do you like it most?"

He stole a gentle kiss from her lips. "Here?"

Manon closed her eyes.

"Or maybe here," he said, as he placed a kiss on her neck. His hands and mouth traveled down, his hands squeezed her breasts. His warm mouth moving down between them. "Here?"

She bit her lip.

"Maybe here," he murmured to himself as his lips kissed her covered core.

Manon gasped.

Dorian grinned. His own need straining against his pants.

His thumb trailed up and down her center. He pressed against her bundle of nerves.

Manon squirmed above him. Eyes closed. Lips parted.

"Or maybe..."

He slowly trailed his mouth up against her body. Placed his hardened length against her. Moved his hips against hers.

Manon moaned. Her hands caught in his hair. Dorian paused his movements and rested his head on her chest. He groaned and whispered, "Maybe next time, witchling." Pecked her lips and quickly got off of her.

"You cruel thing," she panted.

He smiled.

Manon turned to her side as she watched him dress.

"Hungry?"

"Yes," she said.

"For..."

Manon threw a pillow at him.

Dorian caught it and threw it back, hitting Manon in the face.

She laughed and threw it in his.

Dorian stumbled and fell on his butt.

He laughed. "I meant, what do you feel like having. What do you want to eat? Like, _actual_ food."

Manon just rolled her eyes and smiled. "Sure you did."

"But if you are hungry for something else..."

Manon shook her head and laughed. "Shut up."

Dorian walked back to the bed and kissed her forehead. "Shutting."

* * *

Manon yawned as she walked towards the food the was laid out in the center of one of the tables. The weather was nice enough that the healer had made everyone in the village join together to eat outside.

Dorian was the first person she saw. He was helping some of the men hand out food.

She smiled to herself. Smiled because...

He was hers. This beautiful, magnificent boy was hers.

"Hello," he mouthed.

"Hello," she mouthed back.

He grinned.

She felt another pair of eyes looking at her.

 _Asterin_.

Manon met her eyes and glanced to the woods.

Asterin followed.

* * *

Manon sat near the stream. Her finger lazy drawing circles in the dirt.

She felt Asterin sit beside her. Felt her play with a twig in her hands.

"You know," Manon whispered.

"I do."

"How long?"

She heard Asterin chuckle quietly.

"Manon, look at me."

Manon slowly turned to face her.

"I've been by your side for _decades._ Of course, I know. " She paused for a moment. "I just..." she shook her head. "I was hurt. I was hurt that you didn't tell me. It's not my place, but I still worry for you, Manon. After all those years I just thought..."

"Asterin," Manon said quietly. "What was it like?"

"What like?"

"To lose something that you love."

Asterin's face softened. "Why would you want to know that?"

Manon shook her head.

The branch that was twirling in Asterin's hands snapped. "It was like... like nothing was real. A piece of me died that day when my witchling..."

"Did you want children?" Manon asked softly.

Asterin let out a small laugh. "I didn't know. Didn't know I wanted them until I _was_ pregnant. But when I found out... I was happy- happy that it was with him. That I would gift him with a child. That was something I had to let myself be okay with. That it was okay to want to do something for a man. To want to give him children. To want to give him love. Care for him. As long as it was my choice. As long as he treated me with respect. And our child would have been loved fiercely. I would have protected her. Would have..." she shook her head. "But I couldn't. And it wasn't my fault. I blamed myself at first. Told myself that it was my fault for her coming out a stillborn. But I had to accept that it wasn't. That it wasn't my fault. Things just happen. And we shouldn't be shamed for it. Your grandmother had no right to do that to us. To beat every witch who has ever birthed a stillborn. To mistreat us and taunt us about being damaged goods. But a part of me still wonders if he even knew that I still loved him. After all those years-I still loved him. And I wonder what he would have said... if I had told him about our child. What would he have said."

"He would have loved you. Would have loved you and your witchling."

Asterin took a deep breath. "You're _pregnant, and_ when I first noticed- first saw you put your hand on your belly- smile at the king as if he was the sun..." She gently placed her hand on top of Manon's. " I was jealous. I wish it had been me. Me with my human. I wish he had known. Wish he would have known of the child me and him created. Created out of love." She squeezed her hand and continued. "Manon, why did you ask me what it was like to lose."

"Curiosity is all."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

Asterin let go of her hand. " _I_ am happy. Once the jealousy subsided I was able to be happy for you. I'm so happy he makes you happy. That you are carrying the first witchling that will be born in decades. And I love you. And more than anything I wish that kind of happiness on you."

Manon swallowed. She didn't know if she wanted to tell her. Didn't know if she could now. Asterin was the one who would help through this. The only one who would understand what I was like to be a mother and lose the thing inside of you. But...

"Thank you for sharing that with me."

Asterin smiled wide.

Manon cocked her head. "What?"

"You said thank you."

"So."

"Manon Blackbeak said thank you."

Manon laughed. "I did."

"I like this Manon. I hope she stays."

"Me too."

Asterin's eyes flickered to Manon's belly. Asking silent permission.

Manon nodded.

Slowly Asterin placed her hands on her stomach. She smiled."What will you name her?"

"I don't know," Manon said quietly. "It could be a boy. Maybe it's possible for us to have boys."

"Will it be a Blackbeak or Havilliard?"

"Would it be wrong of me to want it to be a Havilliard?"

"No. It wouldn't be wrong."

"Would it be wrong of me to want to be a Havilliard instead of a Blackbeak?"

Asterin's eyes lit up. "You want to get married?"

"Maybe."

Asterin leaned foreword to embrace Manon.

"Does it make me weak?" Manon asked.

Asterin shook her head. "No. Not at all."

"Would it be weak of me to take him as my king? To let him into the Wastes."

"No. Not if he rules as your equal. Besides, you will also join him in ruling Adarlan."

Manon nodded. She bit her lip and placed her hands over Asterin's.

"Will I be a good mother?" She whispered.

"What is your definition of _good_?"

Manon closed her eyes. "Someone who... who knows what they are doing. Who is kind and loving. Someone who... who won't make mistakes." She opened her eyes; felt them water. "I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not good. I keep..."

"You keep..." Asterin gently pushed.

Manon felt a tear run down her cheek.

"I keep making mistakes- keep making them over, and over, and over again."

"We all make mistakes, Manon."

"You don't know the things I've done. I don't know what I am. Who I truly am. I'm don't even know my true last name. Don't you wish we could know? Know a small piece of who brought us into this world."

"That doesn't matter to me. I have the thirteen. I also have you."

"Is it weak of me to want to know?"

"Not at all."

Manon rested her head on her knees. "I don't know much of anything anymore."

Asterin placed a hand on her shoulder. "I have something for you."

Manon looked up as Asterin pulled a book that was hidden behind her back. She placed it in her hands.

"It's a journal," Manon said.

"It's your mother's journal."

Manon traced the design on the front. "Where did you find it?"

"The Matron's room."

Manon raised her brows. But Asterin only shook her head. "You don't want to know."

Asterin stood and quietly began to walk away. But she turned back one last time and said, "I think you will be a great mother, Manon. Mistakes and all."

Manon sat in the forest for a long while after. Dorian didn't come to her- though she knew Asterin most likely told him she was fine and just needed to be alone for a bit.

She looked at the journal that was in her hands. Started unwrapping the laces that held the book shut.

She opened to the first page, gently ran the tips of her fingers down. Traced the ink.

"Hello," she whispered to the pages.

Manon laid back and began to read.

* * *

 _Lothian Blackbeak was sitting in the forest of Oakwald. She often came her alone. Always came here alone. Came here to cry._

 _She just finished taking a beating. Her mother had beat her for disobeying. Again._

 _Her wrist hurt from where her second had held her down as her mother beat her._

 _She didn't know why. Why she was the only one that felt the way she did. There was more...so much more she wanted to experience. Wanted to know. She was young for her age. Only sixteen. She didn't know what age she would stop aging at. Her mother stopped aging in her fifties. She was told she would stop aging young. She was also told that whatever daughter she had would also stop aging young._

 _Lothian was the youngest of the witches. It was her first year being sixteen. She didn't know if this was the age she would stay at. If this would be the face she would live forever in._

 _The reason she got beat today was because she said she wouldn't sleep with him. Sleep with the man her mother was throwing her way. She didn't want to. She never slept with anyone before, and the thought of another man touching her made her nervous._

 _She didn't know how it worked. She felt urges before. Felt it between her legs. Her second had told her all about her first bleeding. That it was punishment brought on them because of men. She somehow didn't think that was true, but what did she know, she was only sixteen._

 _Lothian knew she needed a man in order to have a witchling. But during..._

 _Her books never explained. Those parts were always ripped out. Her mother had made sure to cut those_ _parts out._ _She was scared. Would he hurt her? Or would he be kind and gentle. Her mother has always told her that they were cruel, wicked things. But Lothian didn't think so._

 _Her mother didn't know that she would sneak into town to watch. Watch men and women smile at one another. And when they would hold hands... her heart hurt. She didn't know why it did that. Why her heart would hurt when she would see them linked together. They were just hands. Just hands. And there were times when she would watch them be lead to rooms. The strange noises they made..._

 _Was he hurting her? Did she enjoy whatever he was doing to her?_

 _Everything always felt wrong to her when she would_ _return to the group. Wrong in ways she couldn't explain. And there wasn't anyone around to explain it to her. And she supposed that is why she always ended up in this forest. It_ _called to her. Was a comfort._

 _She closed her eyes and laid back, wincing when her back touched the grass._

 _Something felt off. She felt as someone was watching her- had been watching her for sometime._

 _"I know you're there!" She called out. When the voice didn't reply she called out again. "If you don't leave I'll just have to kill you!"_

 _Still no answer._

 _Lothian opened her eyes and sat up. Slowly saw a head peek from behind a tree._

 _Her eyes widened._

 _She never seen one up close. Never talked to one before._

 _"Hello," she whispered._

 _"Hello," he said quietly._

 _She didn't know what to do now. Didn't expect to get this far._

 _"Will you hurt me?" She asked._

 _The man shook his head. "Never."_

 _Lothian folded her arms. "Then why are you here?"_

 _She didn't mean for it to come out harshly... but she didn't know how to act. And not knowing made her angry._

 _"I-I needed to get away and..."_

 _She waited._

 _"But then I saw you..."_

 _"It's not kind to watch people without their permission."_

 _"You were sad."_

 _She uncrossed her arms. "I was not."_

 _"You were."_

 _"No."_

 _"Yes."_

 _"Stop that!"_

 _"What's your name?" he asked suddenly._

 _Lothian opened her mouth to tell him but quickly shut it. "_ _Doesn't matter," she said._

 _She took a step back when he slowly began to walk towards her._

 _"I won't hurt you," he whispered. "I would never do that."_

 _She took another step back. Her foot got stuck on a branch and she slipped, falling on her behind._

 _He quickly hobbled to her side. Kneeled in front of her. "Are you hurt?" he asked._

 _Lothian stilled._

 _He was so close. His lashes thick and dark. His eyes so gray. Full lips that she wanted to touch. Her hand reached out without her permission. Touched his lips. He flinched. She quickly snapped her hand back._

 _"You're a man," she said._

 _He cocked his head._

 _"I've never seen one so up close. So close I can touch," she whispered._

 _"A man?"_

 _She nodded._

 _He looked away. As if something she said upset him._

 _She was able to truly look at him from this angle._

 _He was so pretty. So pretty it startled her. The feelings he was making her body feel. She wanted to touch him again. Wanted to press her lips against his. Emotions that were so foreign coursed through her. It was too much._

 _She studied the lines of his face. The tip of his nose. Wanted to sweep back the white hair that fell on his forehead away. She wanted so many things in that moment that she thought she might cry._

 _Did others feel like this? The strange feeling in their tummy that wouldn't go away. Not knowing what to say. Wanting to touch and touch._

 _He was so pretty._

 _Could men be pretty?_

 _Would he be considered pretty to others?_

 _Did other girls think him pretty?_

 _She wanted to tell him. So she did. "You're pretty," she whispered._

 _His eyes snapped back to hers. The corner of his mouth lifted. "Am I?"_

 _"I think so." She squinted. "Do others think you pretty?"_

 _He chuckled. "I've never been called pretty before. Other words, yes... but never pretty."_

 _"What other words?"_

 _He gave her an odd look. Lothian didn't like that look. Like he found her strange._

 _"Some have called me handsome. Others have also called me other names. Some not so nice."_

 _"Well...I think you're lovely," she whispered._

 _He smiled. "I don't think I've ever been called that before, too."_

 _"What do I look like?" She asked. "What do I look like to a man?" She scooted a bit closer to him. "Do I make you feel things, too?"_

 _His eyes flicked to her lips. Moved back up to meet her eyes._

 _"Nobody has ever told you?"_

 _"Told me what?"_

 _"It should be a sin. Sin that no man has ever told you..."_

 _"I already told you I've never been up close to one of your kind before."_

 _He shook his head. Opened his mouth then shut it. He was still close to her. Much too close. And yet, she wanted to be closer. Wanted to touch._

 _She bit her lip. "My books don't tell me much. The pages... they are missing."_

 _"Your books?"_

 _She didn't know why she was talking so much. Perhaps it was because she had no friends. Because everyone she tried to talk to simply pushed her to the side. Even her thirteen made her feel small. They didn't want her as their leader. They made sure she knew how disliked she was._

 _She wanted to keep talking to this man. He asked questions. She liked his questions. Liked his voice. It was manly._

 _She smiled._ _She liked his manly voice._

 _"I have tons," she said._

 _"You like books?"_

 _She nodded_. "I _love them. I love to flip through the pages and pretend I'm somewhere else. Far, far, far away."_

 _"Was that why you were sad?" He asked. "Because you want to be far, far, far away?"_

 _Lothian didn't say anything._

 _"That is why I came here," he said quietly. "Because I wanted to be far away."_

 _He turned away from her. Looked at his hands._

 _"Somedays I do," she whispered._

 _"And if you could go far away... where would you go?"_

 _Lothian laid back. She felt him lay beside her. They almost touched. She wanted to be touched. Nobody has ever touched her. The only other contact she had with the flesh was when her mother would beat her. And for some odd reason she took comfort from the fact that her mother was close to her in some way._

 _Lothian once accidently walked into her mother's room when she was small. She saw a female laying next her, her arm draped along her mother's waist._

 _She remembered thinking how odd that was. Shouldn't that have been a man?_

 _Lothian turned her head to peer at the pretty man._

 _"I don't know. I read of other places in my books, but I don't know where those places are at, and my mother would never had let me use a..."_ _She almost said broom. Though It wouldn't work anyway. The curse._

 _"Where would you go?" she asked._

 _"I don't know. But somewhere far away. Somewhere where I can make my own choices. Choose where to go, what to wear, who to marry..."_

 _She sat up at that. "Married?"_

 _"Yes."_

 _"You are to be married?"_

 _He sighed. "Yes. But I don't want to."_

 _"Why don't you want to be married?"_

 _"Because I don't love her."_

 _"Love?"_

 _"Yes."_

 _"I've heard of that before. In my books."_

 _He looked at her oddly. Again._ _"Why are your pages ripped out?" he asked._

 _Lothian laid back down. Her shoulder was touching his and she swore her heart stopped. Could it do that? Could it just stop?_

 _"Because my mother."_

 _"She tore out your pages?"_

 _Lothian nodded._

 _He was looking at the sky now. His chest moving up and down._

 _"You could hide them...so she wouldn't rip them."_

 _Lothian shook her head. "She will find them. She has her ways. I once tried to keep this ring that I found... it was the first time she hit me."_

 _He sat up. His mouth hanging open. "She hit you because of a ring?"_

 _"No. She hit me because she could."_

 _"She shouldn't hit you. Nobody deserves that."_

 _"I do."_

 _His features turned angry. "No. You don't."_

 _Lothian looked up at the sky. He also looked up. The sun was starting to go down. She was already going to be late. Perhaps she will get another beating. She's never been beat twice in one day, but there was a first time for everything._

 _"I have to go," he whispered._

 _Lothian didn't want him to go. She wanted him to stay. To please stay._

 _He got up to go. Patted the dirt off himself. He held out his hand to help her up._

 _She stared at it._

 _This was what she wanted. To touch him. But she wouldn't. She couldn't. Because every time he looked her way she found her heart grow. She felt it would grow so big that her body would explode._

 _He eventually dropped his hand and began to walk away. His limp becoming noticeable. He stopped but didn't turn to look at her. "Before I go I want to know your name."_

 _"Why?"_

 _"Because I might never see you again."_

 _Lothian cocked her head._ " _It's Lothian."_

 _He turned to face her. He was smiling. A smile that was so pretty she couldn't help but smile back._

 _"Lothian," he said._

 _She liked how her name sounded on his tongue._

 _"You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, Lothian. And if I could go far away... I would go with you," he finished with a whisper. And just like that he was gone._

* * *

Manon closed the book when she heard Dorian's footsteps behind her.

"I brought you food," he said. "I thought you would be hungry."

Manon turned to look at him. "Thank you."

Dorian placed her plate of food on the ground.

He sat next to her and she placed her head on his shoulder. Placed her hand in his.

She smiled. Thinking of her mother and how she wanted to hold someone's hand.

Manon brought Dorian's hand to her lips. Saw his attention go to the book.

"You were reading?"

"Asterin..."

"You told her?"

She shook her head. "She was so happy. I couldn't. I couldn't do that to her."

"And when she finds out later on?"

"I don't want to talk about it. I know. I know what I need to do, Dorian. I just can't. I want to. I really do. But..."

"You don't have to explain to me. I understand. I just don't want you getting hurt in the end."

Manon crawled onto Dorian's lap. Her hands slid behind his neck, his hands on her waist.

"Touch me," she whispered on his lips.

And so he did.

* * *

Dorian was laying on his stomach beside her.

She ran her finger down his spine. Kissed his shoulder. His eyelashes flickered but he did not wake.

Manon slipped out her mother's journal from under her pillow. Dorian slightly moved. Snuggling into the blankets.

They had spent the day doing odd jobs in the village. Manon was lost in thought half the time- wanting to continue reading. It wasn't until she and Dorian were back in their room did she have time to look at it again.

She kissed Dorian's forehead, opened her book, and began to read.

* * *

 _Lothian Blackbeak couldn't contain her smile. She smiled as she did the dishes. Smiled as she cleaned up the piles of poop that came from the animals. Smiled at the breakfast table. Smiled through meetings. Smiled through the one she was currently in._

 _"Lothian," she heard her mother purr. Her iron nails tapping on her wooden throne. "My lovely Lothian. You can't keep from smiling these days... I wonder..."_

" _It was just a book I read."_

 _"A book?" Her mother cocked her head. "I've never seen you smile like this over a book. Tell me what you are reading."_

 _"It's nothing."_

 _"Nothing?" She laughed. "Nothing." Another laugh. "So you are lying to me?"_

 _Lothian hesitated. "I'm not."_

 _"I smell lies all over you, Lothian Blackbeak."_

 _She closed her eyes. She was lying. Her mother knew it. The rest of the witches did, too. But she would continue to lie to keep him safe. Keep her own heart safe... because if they found out... she would be made to watch as they tore him limb from limb._

 _"Lothian, I will only say this one more time... why are you smiling?"_

 _Lothian closed her eyes tighter._ _"A book."_

 _She heard the whip before it touched her skin. And when it met her skin she left her body. Her mind going far away. Far away with him._

* * *

 _Lothian laid on her stomach on the cool patch of dirt. She was in Oakwald again, the blood that was leaking out of her wounds were just beginning to dry._

 _Her eyes were swollen from crying. Her hair sticking to her face. She heard footsteps walking towards her and she didn't care. Didn't care if someone killed her. She was a waste of space. Her mother's punching bag._

 _"Your back," he said, as he kneeled beside her. "Your back," he whispered._

 _Lothian had never felt so ugly in her life. She didn't even have the strength to look at him properly. She shouldn't have come here._

 _"You're still bleeding."_ _She felt a ruffling of what she guessed was his shirt being taken off. His bare chest probably showing. Oh, how she had dreamed of that chest. Wondered what it would look like. But now she couldn't even move to look. Didn't know if she cared to see it now in her state._

 _She felt his fingers gently dap her wounds. She cried out._

 _"I'm sorry," he said. His voice laced with sorrow. "I'm sorry."_

 _Lothian cried out again as he cleaned her back with his shirt._

 _"I came back," he said. "Everyday I came back."_

 _It took three hours for the blood to completely dry. He stayed with her through it all._

 _He stayed._

 _He helped her turn on her back. She cried out again._

 _"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry."_

 _"Wasn't your fault."_

 _His face slightly hovered over hers. "What was it this time?"_

 _She tried to chuckle. "I was smiling too much."_

 _"I wish I could have stopped it. Did anyone try to stop it?"_

 _She shook her head._

 _Her eyes finally took in his half-naked form. Even his chest was pretty. He was slender, but muscles were scattered throughout._

 _She couldn't stop staring. This man made her want to touch things she shouldn't. Made her want to do reckless things._

 _If he knew she was staring at his body he didn't say._

"Not at all," she said.

 _"I brought you something," he said. He reached behind his back and slipped out a book. "I tried to get one you would like. One that I think you might like."_

 _"Help me up?"_

 _He nodded._ _Gently helped her push up._

 _"Are you okay?" he asked._

 _"Yes."_

 _She reached out for the book. Her body screaming,_ _rejecting her movements._

 _He handed the book over. His eyes monitoring her._ _"Can you hide it? From your mother. Maybe you can hide it in the woods?"_

 _"Why would I have to hide it in the woods?"_

 _"Because she might rip out some of the pages."_

 _She smiled._ _"Thank you," she said._

 _He smiled back._

 _The sun was beginning to set and she knew she would have to get back now. He seemed to be thinking the same thing._

 _"I have to get back," he said. "Will you be alright?"_

 _She nodded._

 _He seemed to be wrestling with himself. As if he didn't want to leave._

 _"You have to go," she said._

 _His faced showed sorrow. But before he could go she had to ask. "What is your name?"_

 _He bit his lip. "I can't tell you."_

 _"Then what shall I call you?"_

 _"Whatever you wish."_

 _Lothian tilted her head. "I shall call you..." she looked around. Sighed when she found nothing. "Boy with no name."_

 _He smiled. "Then I shall call you... girl who is beautiful."_

 _Her heart fluttered. She hoped he couldn't hear it. Could he hear it? What would he say?_

 _"You have to go," she said. But before he left she had to ask. "Will I see you again?"_

 _He nodded and turned to go; his leg slightly dragging. But he stopped and turned back to looked at her. "Two days. In two days can you meet me here?"_

 _She nodded. She only came her after her mother had finished beating her- but she didn't want to tell him that. It was the only time her mother wouldn't seek her out._

 _"But only in the morning," she said. "I can't stay out late."_

 _"Me too," he said._

 _"You should go."_

 _He nodded._ _"Be safe."_

 _"I will."_

 _He smiled. "Good-bye, girl who is beautiful."_

 _She smiled, but it was only after he left that she replied._

 _"Good-bye, boy with no name," she whispered._

* * *

 _In the end, Lothian ended up taking the book with her. She wouldn't be back here until two days. She couldn't wait that long. Her heart was aching to read the pages. To disappear into its world.._

 _She walked quickly to her room. Careful to not pass any of her thirteen. She hated that they always excluded her, but she knew that she only was the head of them because of her mother. It was actually suppose to be a kindness. Though her mother probably did it to be cruel. Her mother knew they didn't like her. That if she died they wouldn't mind. They would probably celebrate._

 _She didn't know why her mother was so cruel. Why she was so cruel to her own daughter. Lothian didn't think mothers were suppose to be mean._

 _Once she was in the room she took the book that had been hidden in her cape out._

 _Lothian sat on the ground and leaned so that her back was hitting the mattress._

 _She opened it slowly. Carefully looking through the pages. She couldn't wait to finish it. Wait to tell the boy with no name about it. Actually have someone to talk to about books._

 _She smiled and began to read._

* * *

Manon felt pain in her stomach. Felt like she couldn't breath.

She shoved the journal under her pillow.

"Dorian," she said, out of breath.

His eyes snapped open.

"Dorian," she said, again. "I don't feel good."

He quickly got up from bed and found the nearest pot.

Sat on the bed and held it in front of her as she puked.

She felt one of his hands holding back her hair.

"Manon," he whispered.

"I know."

"I can't..."

She lifted her head from the pot and closed her eyes tightly.

"I know... I know...," she whispered. "I know."

Dorian helped her close. "I'll stay. Through it all. I'll stay through it all." He kissed her forehead as they laid back down.

She rested her head on his chest.

"I'll stay," he whispered again.

* * *

 _Lothian_ _slowly laid the book in her lap._

 _She didn't know what to feel. The scene she was reading..._

 _She was glad no one was around her. That she was alone in her room. That no one would see her flushed cheeks._

 _She had just finished the scene where the man and women undressed each other. The woman making noises; the man groaning._

 _So that was what it was like. That was what a man and woman did to create a child. But not always. Sometimes they did it out of love. Other times just because they could._

 _She didn't know exactly how it happened. The book didn't go into detail, other than that they undressed and somehow coaxed these type of noises from each other._

 _She didn't know what it meant. Why the boy with no name would think this was the type of book she would like. Was this the type of books he liked?_

 _She seen people kiss before... but never like that. She didn't think it was possible to descibe a kiss with so many words._

 _Was this why he chose this book? To show her that these were the kind of pages her mother had torn out? But why? Why would he want her to read them? Did he want to do that to her? Did he want to make her make those nosies?_

 _Lothian's blood heated._

 _If she was to undress this boy with no name, would he have the same parts she did? His chest was obviously different from hers. He had white hair; she had black. He had gray eyes; she had green. But there had to be more than just that. Did he feel an ache between his legs, too? She felt it everytime she thought of his features. His full lips. His beautiful eyes. His long lashes. Long fingers._

 _Lothian groaned in frustration._

 _The book he gave her didn't have math, or maps, or even politics. It was a love story. But unlike her other ones, this one actually had the pages._

 _Lothian's hand trailed down. She flinched at the first touch; quickly pulled her hand away._

 _"Two days," she whispered to herself. "You'll see him in two days."_

* * *

 _Lothian was already in the dinning hall when the other witches entered. She was always the first to rise, and the earlier she was up, the earlier she could finish her chores._ _But... it was also the day that she would see the man again. Her beating heart kept reminding her. She kept having to check it to make sure it wouldn't beat out of her chest._

 _Lothian's mother entered the room a few minutes after. Entered with a grace that made Lothian sad. Her mother who was so graceful and beautiful, yet her heart was made of so much hate._

 _Lothian cast her eyes down. She needed courage for what she was about to do._

 _"Lothian," her mother said. "Come here."_

 _And so she did._

 _She walked to her mother's throne. Though it wasn't really a throne. At least not 'the' throne. That one was in the Wastes._

 _"Lothian I need you to-"_

 _"No," she whispered._

 _Her mother raised her brows. "No?"_

 _Lothian looked around the hall. It had gone quiet._

 _"No?" her mother said._

 _"No."_

 _Her mother burst out laughing. The other witches near howling._

 _"Oh Lothian, you wound me."_

 _Lothian stood still. Wondering what her punishment would be. If she got whipped for smiling, what would she get for disobeying? For finally saying no._

 _Her mother called for her maid. She whispered in their ear._

 _"Very well, Lothian," she purred. "Go."_

 _"Go?" She said, startled._

 _"Did I stutter?"_

 _"No, mother."_

 _"Then go!"_

 _Lothian took a step back. She felt as if her mother was playing a cruel game with her. She was sure that her mother would beat her silly. It was the only sure way that Lothian knew would get her out of doing her chores today. But she told her to 'go'. She hadn't laid a hand on her. Didn't really even yell. But_ _why didn't she?_

 _Lothian didn't think she wanted to know why. Because if she did... she knew it wasn't because her mother just decided to be kind. But she didn't want to think on it too much-especially since she could go to the woods without having to take a beating._

 _And so she ran._

* * *

 _Lothian waited._

 _And waited._

 _And waited._

 _The boy with no name didn't come._

 _It was stupid for her to wait. And wait. And wait. But she hoped and prayed that this man was only just late, because the alternative would just hurt too much. And so she waited._

* * *

 _Lothian felt stupid. Of course he didn't come. Her mother had always told her that men were liars and good for nothing. That they would deceive you and leave you._

 _But when Lothian looked into this man's eyes... she felt a glimmer of hope. Hope that perhaps it wasn't all true. That this man is just like her and wasn't all those things her mother said._

 _She decided she didn't want to see this man again. Ever._

 _She almost got herself a beating this morning just to be able to meet him again. She knew that wasn't his fault. The beating would have been her doing, not his. He didn't know half the things she had to do to get away._

 _She sighed. Moved her covers to finally get some rest._

 _Lothian wasn't like the other witches who liked to sleep naked. They disapproved of wearing clothes to bed. Believed that women covered their bodies because men forced them to. But Lothian liked sleeping with clothes; she didn't think there was anything wrong with wanting to have some privacy. Anybody could wear or not wear whatever they wished._

 _She wished there wasn't so many rules. Why there was certain things she had to do because of men. Why couldn't they be the same as them? Why did they have to hate them so much? Maybe all men weren't the same. Obviously she wasn't the same as the rest of the witches. But did that mean that those men who were different were excluded or looked down upon, too?_

 _Lothian looked to the table beside of her. She only had very few pages left: she should just finish reading, but suddenly the events that had transpired today didn't put her in the mood._

 _She had just gotten to the part where the man and women were talking about the mistakes their kind has made. How it was compassion and love that really mattered. That war wasn't always the greatest thing and was bigger than only just one man._

 _That love came in many forms, and it was truly the only thing really worth fighting for. That the humans capability to love was one of the things that made humans so great. Why they deserved forgiveness._

 _But Lothian didn't think they applied to her. She was a witch after all._

 _She wondered what the man would have said if she had told him. If it would even had mattered. Should it matter?_

 _Her books said it shouldn't, but she never really had to truly contemplate half the things her book talked about._

 _It really made her think about what she was raised to think. About how wrong the witches way of thinking. How wrong her mother was._

 _But she had to give the man some credit. Perhaps that was why he gave her this particular book- because he knew the battle that has always raged inside of her. And for that she was thankful._

 _Lothian turned to her side and buried herself in her covers and fell asleep._

* * *

 _She woke with a start. Her body being dragged out of bed by rough hands. Her legs and wrists gripped tight. She was breathing much to fast. She tried kicking the nearest face to her, but didn't strike._

 _It wasn't till she was being thrown into the dinning hall that she could see._

 _Men surrounded her. They were much too large and actually frightened her. It been has been a long time since someone had truley frightened her-her mother had beat the fright out of her years ago._

 _But it was only when she looked up and found the throne did she realize... It wasn't an attack on the witches; it was an attack on her._

 _"Mother," she whispered._

 _Her mother only smiled._

 _"Mother," she repeated. "What is-"_

 _"You want to be touched?" She said cruelly._

 _"Why-why would you think that," Lothian said, her voice shaking._

 _Her mother pulled out a book. It was the one that the boy with no name gave her._

 _Lothian opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out._

 _"This isn't a book I gave you, Lothian. So why do you have it?"_

 _"I ..."_

 _Her mother waited._

 _"I found it in town."_

 _"You aren't allowed into town. And I know when you are lying."_

 _"I... I..."_

 _"Did a man give this to you?"_

 _She shook her head much too quickly._

 _"I will only repeat this once," her mother said. "Did a man give this to you?"_

 _"No," Lothian whispered._

 _Her mother opened her mouth to speak but Lothian said,"It was a woman. In town. She gave it to me when-"_

 _Her mother only shook her head. "Lying is a terrible trait to have, Lothian." Her mother clasped her hands together. "I think a man gave this to you. I think you disobeyed my orders and curiosity got the best of you." She shook her head again. "I think you want to be touched by a man. Think you want to know what it feels like." She waved a hand towards the men. "So by all means..."_

 _The men took a step closer to Lothian._

 _"You wouldn't!" Lothian yelled. "You would never do that to us! You said no man could ever touch us because you end them before they could! Told us that any man who came near and tried would be met with iron nails! Was it all a lie?!"_

 _Her mother only sighed. "Take off your clothes, Lothian."_

 _"No!"_

 _"Take them off now!"_

 _"You can't..."_

 _But her mother could. She had that kind of power. And when her mother brought in a human child into the room... Lothian stilled. She would never kill a witch, for the worst title one could receive was witch-killer. But a human boy..._

 _Her mother held the knife to his throat. The boy was crying. Lothian shouldn't have cared... but she did._

 _"Take of your clothes, Lothian."_

 _So Lothian did. And..._

 _It wasn't until she was fully bare that she felt violated. She wanted to scream and cry. Tell her mother to..._

 _But she couldn't. The boy still had the knife to his throat. It was only when Lothian stood before all of them bare did her mother let the boy go; he ran until he was way out of sight._

 _Lothian had never killed a man before- always ran away from it._

 _"But you are the one who told me to be with a man. You told me that in order to be a true witch, it had to happen. How could you punish me for that?!"_

 _"Because the man was supposed to be my choice," her mother growled. "And you disobeyed."_

 _"I do everything you ask of me!" Lothian cried. "Everything!"_

 _And to her surprise, her mother almost looked sad._

 _Almost._

 _"I did nothing wrong," Lothian whispered. "I don't understand."_

 _"You are useless to me, Lothian, and you will always be my biggest mistake."_

 _And this time when the men stepped forward... Lothian let them._

 _One ran a finger down her body. The other kissed her neck. But before any of them could get any further.. her mother stopped it._

 _"Stop it!" She screamed. "Stop it!"_

 _She didn't know if it was the screaming that caused the other witches to come. But she knew they would never know what her mother had asked these men to do._

 _Lothian could only watch as they torn the men limb from limb. As the men screamed and asked for forgiveness. And Lothian didn't know if they could ever forgive them. If this was the kind of thing she could forgive? And in truth, she didn't want to, and she would not let these men win. They might have violated her privacy, but she would not let them take her mind. They had no power over her. She was the strong one for she would never do something like they had just wanted to do. They were the real monsters. She did nothing wrong, and she would not let them take her peace of mind._

 _But it was okay to cry. So she did._

 _At some point she collected her clothes. She didn't even turn back to look at her mother. She didn't want to. Not even the witches. Though she knew they were watching her. And for the first time in her sixteen years they actually showed sadness towards her. They whispered her name. Wanted to reach out to her; but Lothian didn't want to be touched._

 _The man in the woods clicked through her mind. The thought of his hands made her feel sick. Whatever lust she had felt for him was just that. Lust. She was told that witches didn't love. Couldn't love. And now she actually believed it._

 _But before she could actually leave, her mother said, "Next time, Lothian. You kill them. You don't be weak. You don't cry. You be strong."_

 _"It's not weak," she whispered. "Killing and fighting doesn't make you strong. Strong doesn't mean I have to kill. It takes strength to cry. To let yourself feel things. That is what makes you strong. And you do not have to forgive and forget to make you strong. Yet, I forgive you. But I will not let you ever lay a hand on me again. Never again."_

 _And with that she walked out._

* * *

 _Lothian sat in the woods. She had nowhere else to be alone. And besides, this was her spot before she ever met that man. She knew her mother wouldn't seek her out after everything that had happen. That she would have learned her lesson after last night._

 _Lothian needed time to think. To be alone. She was always alone, and somehow she didn't mind it this time. People were too dissapointing anyway._

 _So she sat._

 _The sun was just coming out from the sky when she heard him. The sound of footsteps walking towards her. He wasn't light on his feet-his limp giving him away._

 _Still she did not turn._

 _"Two days," she whispered. "You said two days."_

 _No answer._

 _"I don't want you here," she said quietly. "Just go away."_

 _"I couldn't... I'm sorry. I tried-"_

 _"I want you to go. I don't want to ever see you again."_

 _"What happened?" he whispered._

" _You were suppose to come back."_

 _"I know," he said. But still, he did not leave._

 _"If you won't go then at least don't come any closer."_

 _When she finally turned to look at his face it was not what she was expecting._

 _He had a bruise on his cheek. Seemed to have other bruises scattered about. His limp even more prominent._

 _"You have a limp," she said. "Why?"_

 _He sat down across from her. It was still too close. When he noticed her tense he moved farther away._

 _"I've always had a limp. I was born that way. My mother never let anyone see me. She didn't want anyone knowing that she had a disabled son."_

 _"And the bruises?"_

 _"My brothers. I have three of them. All older."_

 _Lothian studied him._

 _He tilted his head and asked about her back._

 _"It's healing," she said. "Give it a couple more days and only scars will be left. My mother would never whip me enough to cause true damage."_

 _He didn't say anything. Only looked at her with such tenderness that she had to look away. Images of the other men flashed in her mind and made her feel nauseous._

 _"Do you have any siblings?" he said._

 _"No."_

 _"What about a father? I've haven't heard you talk about him. Do you have one?"_

 _She chuckled. It felt good to laugh. Gave her some relief._

 _"Of course I have one. I wouldn't be here if I didn't." She sighed. "I think. I'm right, right? You need a man and a women to make one."_

 _"You don't know?" he asked._

 _She shook her head. "My mother only has women in her bed. She has never mentioned my father."_

 _"But no one told you? The specifics, I mean."_

 _"My mother doesn't let me go out much. No one ever speaks to me at home. And my books don't have the pages."_

 _"So you are like the princess locked in the tower?"_

 _"I'm not a princess," she said._

 _The man's eyes studied her for a moment. Whatever he found made him turn away._

 _"Do you have a father?" she asked._

 _"Yes. But I don't have a mother. She died when I was young."_

 _"How?"_

 _The man picked at the grass. "She killed herself."_

 _Lothian's eyes widened. She heard of people doing those type of things before. By their own hand. But Lothian had always been told that it was cowardly. Was this man's mother a coward?_

 _"She was in a lot of pain. My father didn't love her. His heart always belonged to his mistress... but he could not marry his mistress." He swallowed. "My mother only bore me... and she felt like she failed. Failed to make a proper son for him. It was why she hid me. She didn't want anyone to see that my leg didn't work like the others. That she had created a son who couldn't even walk right." He looked up to the sky. "I loved her. And for a very long time I couldn't understand. Understand why she would kill herself. It wasn't until I was much older that I realized she was sad. That for her it was a freedom. I wish she hadn't done it. I wish she knew how much I loved her. Because I did. And I wish others wouldn't look down on her for the choice she made. It wasn't a cowardly thing to do... she was in pain. It was the only way she knew how to escape."_

 _"I'm sorry," she whispered._

 _"Me too."_

 _They both sat there in silence, until Lothian asked,"What is a mistress?"_

 _He laid back. His hands flat on his stomach._ _"A woman who sleeps with a married man."_

 _"But why?"_

 _He lifted his head to look at her. "Why?"_

 _She nodded. "Why would they do that if they are already married?"_

 _"Because they can."_

 _Lothian's mind flicked through memories of last night. She flinched._

 _"Something is wrong, you keep flinching and-"_

 _"Your age. How old are you?"_

 _He blinked. "I'm twenty."_

 _Lothian studied him. He looked younger than his age. His body was lean and long. He was much taller than she. At least she thought he was. She hadn't stood that near to him to be sure._

 _"How old are you?" he asked._

 _"I'm sixteen," she whispered._

 _The man looked at her. His eyes taking her in._

 _"Please don't do that."_

 _"Do what?"_

 _"Look at me like that. I don't want you to look at me."_

 _He seemed to know what she was asking. Because his eyes looked back up to the sky and he shifted farther away. "I will not harm you."_

 _"I don't believe you."_

 _"I'm sorry."_

 _They were quiet for a couple moment, until Lothian finally said,"I forgot your book."_

 _"It's yours," he said. "But I thought you said you couldn't take it with you?"_

 _"I made a mistake. She took it and I don't think I can get it back. I'm sorry."_

 _"Did you finish it?"_

 _She nodded- though he couldn't see her head because he was still turned away._ _"I did."_

 _"Did you like it?"_

 _"Very much."_

 _"I'm glad." He paused. "I bought you another just in case, but I don't think it would be wise for you to have it. I didn't know that she would punish you for it."_

 _"Can I see it?"_

 _He sat up and pulled it out of his bag._ _"I thought you might like this one."_

 _"Does it have kings and queens?"_

 _"And princes," he added._

 _"I've never met a prince."_

 _He smiled. "I've heard they are very charming."_

 _"You've met princes?"_

 _He nodded. Still smiling._

 _"And you think they are charming?"_

 _He chuckled. "Very."_

 _"You like men?"_

 _He stilled. His face turning red. "That's not- I don't- I- not that there is anything wrong with that, but... no," he finished._

 _"I don't think I like princes," she whispered. Her hands rubbing her wrists. "Or men."_

 _"Lothian," he said gently. "Whatever happened, Lothian. I'm sorry. But I can only help you if you tell me."_

 _Lothian looked up at him. After a couple moments he slowly turned to look at her._

 _"Can you be my friend?" She said._

 _He smiled thoughtfully. "I would love to be your friend."_

 _"Do you have many?" She asked._

 _He shook his head._

 _"I have none," she whispered. "None at all."_

 _She watched him as he got up to stand. He placed a hand over his heart and said, "To the girl who is beautiful," he pledged. "I promise to be the greatest friend you-" his foot gave out and he slipped._

 _Lothian quickly stood to kneel at his side._

 _He lifted himself on his elbows. Examining his bad leg._

 _Lothian looked, too. She felt her body tense from how close she was to him, but she would not flee. She didn't want to run from him. She would quiet the monster inside her that still wanted to take her peace of mind._

 _He tried moving it. Winced. "It gets worse every year," he whispered. His eyes didn't meet hers. "They told me I might not walk again-That in a couple of years I won't able to walk at all."_

 _"Does it hurt?" she whispered._

 _"Only when I've been standing on it. Or when I walk long distances."_

 _"Does it hurt right now?"_

 _He looked back at his leg. Turned and winced again._

 _Without her permission Lothian's hand reached out to hover over his leg. He met her eyes and nodded._

 _Gently she placed her hand on him. Her breath hitched. Half of her wanted to keep on exploring his body, the other half wanted to vomit. Wanted to cry and run._

 _But she did not. Would not._

 _She applied a bit of pressure and he quietly cursed._

 _He looked up at her and reddened, "I'm sorry."_

 _She shook her head. "You don't have to apologize. Women curse just as much as men... or at least I think."_

 _"Where I'm from they don't curse at all. "_

 _"Do they talk funny?"_

 _He cocked his head. "What?"_

 _"You don't speak like me. Your voice..."_

 _He chuckled. "I was thinking the same. You don't sound like the people from where I live. Your voice is sweeter, more exotic."_

 _Lothian didn't know how to describe his voice. It wasn't like hers. His was much deeper, and he didn't add certain sounds to the end of his words._

 _"Also," he added. "Your language isn't my first."_

 _"You speak another language?"_

 _"Yes," he said. "But yours is the most beautiful."_

 _Lothian looked to where her hand rested on his leg. The fabric that clothed his knee was torn. She ran her fingers along the skin that peeked through. Her body was tense, her breathing harsh._

 _"Lothian," he said gently._

 _She removed her hand. Her eyes began to water._

 _"Lothian," he said again. "I'm sorry."_

 _Lothian brushed a tear away. She didn't want to cry in front of him. He was her first friend. And he was a man. The first man that she had ever met._

 _This man must think her a child. He was older than her and knew so much more. Lothian felt useless next to him. She's always known her mother thought about her as useless but... she never had actually had said it. And all Lothian really wanted to do was cry. But this man was here. He was her friend. And she wanted to be happy... even if it was only for a moment._

 _She looked to the leaves on his hair. "Your hair..."_

 _His hand reached up to pick some of the leaves off. Lothian reached out to help him. Focusing on his breathing to keep hers steady. Once she was done she pulled away. He smiled._

 _It was a smile that made Lothian's heart skip a beat._

 _It was a smile that was so pure and innocent that she couldn't help but smile back._

 _He tried to lift himself some more. Winced. And then laid back down._

 _Lothian continued to stare at him._

 _"Why don't you love her?" she whispered._

 _He closed his eyes. "Because... because my heart doesn't feel a thing when she is near. And when I close my eyes it's not her face I want to see. It's not the one I want to hold. Not the one I want to touch."_

 _"You said men have mistresses..."_

 _"They do."_

 _"Do you have one?"_

 _He opened his gray colored eyes. "I've slept with women before," he said, carefully._

 _"Because you could," she said._

 _"Because I could," he said. His voice low._

 _"Does your heart feel something with any of the women you are with?"_

 _"No."_

 _"Then why?"_

 _"Because sometimes lust can make you do things you shouldn't."_

 _Lothian knew what kind of power lust had. Lust was what she felt for this man days ago. Lust was what made men like him take up mistresses. Lust was what made those men touch her that way._

 _"Are you still going to marry her?"_

 _"I have to."_

 _"And you will still sleep with other women?"_

 _He didn't look at her when he said yes._

 _"I feel sorry for her," she said._

 _"Me too," he said quietly._

 _"Will you have children?" she whispered._

 _"I suppose so."_

 _"Oh."_

 _"Do you want children?"_

 _Lothian laughed. "Never."_

 _"You don't want any?"_

 _She shook her head. "I only ever thought about that when I go far, far, far away." She shrugged. "But that's all it is."_

 _"But let's say you were able to go far, far, away... would you want it?"_

 _"I think so."_

 _"What about a name? What would you name them?"_

 _She laughed. "So many questions."_

 _He grinned. "It's nice having a friend. Friends talk."_

 _She sighed."I once read this book... it was about a fierce warrior. She was the fiercest in the land. The smartest. And she was unstoppable." She frowned. "I wish I could be like that," she whispered._

 _"You are," he said._

 _"One mustn't tell lies," she quietly said to herself. She looked up at the sky. "Her name was Manon. And if I had my very own Manon... she would be mine. I would never hurt her. And I would tell her I loved her everyday."_

 _The man held himself up on his elbows. Smiled at her. "That's a beautiful name. She would be lucky to have you as a mother."_

 _"How about you?"_

 _He bit his lip. Deep in thought. "Rhiannon."_

 _"That's also beautiful," she said._

 _He nodded._

 _They were quiet for sometime. Lothian got up to where she had left her book. She sat down and placed it in her lap. She felt the man's eyes on her. She opened the book and skimmed the pages._

 _"You should read it," he said._

 _"Out loud?"_

 _He nodded. His body now turned to fully face her._

 _She smiled and began to read._

* * *

Manon had a basket of strawberries on her lap.

She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. Her back resting against a pole that held the porch together. Dorian was besides her, also looking at the children who played.

He reached over and picked a strawberry from the basket, took a bite. Smiled.

Manon laughed. His teeth were red and she couldn't help herself. Dorian laughed with her. He leaned in to kiss her but as if remembering himself he pulled back.

Manon quickly did a sweep of their surroundings and then pulled his face to hers. She pulled away and looked at Dorian's wide eyes.

He placed a finger on her lips which were now red and leaned in to place a chaste kiss against her. Pulled back and smiled.

Manon picked a strawberry and took a bite.

* * *

 _Lothian was sitting in her room again. It has been weeks and her mother still hadn't laid a hand on her. And for that Lothian was grateful._

 _She didn't bring the book this time. She gave it to the man after she had finished reading._

 _He had watched her the whole time. There were times when she couldn't handle him looking at her. She felt like she couldn't breathe , but as if sensing her turmoil he would look away. And then he would turn back and gently tell her to breathe in and out. Told her that no one would hurt her. That it would all be okay. And when she did breathe a few times she felt much better._

 _They didn't say anything when they parted. Though she could tell he wanted to. His mouth opening and closing again and again. She was the first to leave, and when she did she didn't turn back. Though she wanted to._

 _Lothian sighed. She still didn't think think it was normal to still want him to touch her in someway. After all that happened she didn't think she would ever want someone to touch her in that way, but she did. She still had the urge between her legs, and she couldn't help but wonder if others had the urge, too._

 _Her hand trailed down her body and she gasped._

 _She didn't stop._

* * *

 _Lothian lazily laid in the woods. Her mother did not object to her leaving. Never asked where she went. Though Lothian knew deep down that she couldn't go far. But that was okay—as long as she was given this small freedom._

 _She still did her chores, and the other witches no longer looked at her with so much hatred. She knew the events from the other night had made them question her mother. She wondered if they always had._

 _She heard his steps and smiled. Turned to look at him. He had something large in his hands. A sort of box. Or coffin._

 _Lothian's eyes widened. And as if noticing her look he stilled. Placed the box on the ground and held up his hands._

 _"What's in there?" she asked._

 _"Do you know what a violin is?"_

 _She nodded her head. She didn't like how much he knew and how little she did, but it wasn't because she wanted to be smarter, she was just frustrated because she didn't know much. Hadn't been taught much. But he never laughed at her- always seemed happy to show her new things. And a part of her knew there was no shame in that—that she didn't know things simply because she wasn't taught. It wasn't her fault. But if she didn't ask the questions that helped her learn it now, no one would ever teach her. "I know what it is," she said. "I just never seen one up close."_

 _He bent down to open it. Pulled it out. "Would you like to hold it?"_

 _She got up and nodded. Slowly he walked towards her. Staggering._

 _He placed it in her hands. She ran her hand down the strings. Smiling when they made a sound._

 _"Would you like to hear me play something?"_

 _She smiled and placed it back in his hands. He held a stick in his hands and brought it to the violin. His chin resting at the edge._

 _And then he played._

* * *

 _Lothian was still staring at nothing once he stopped playing._

 _"I know," he said. "I'm not the best player. I've been told many times-"_

 _She closed her eyes and shook her head. "It's the most loveliest thing I've ever heard." She opened her eyes to find that his cheeks had reddened._

 _"Thank you."_

 _"How'd you learn?"_

 _"My tutor," he said._

 _She closed her eyes again. Her hands to her chest._

 _"Would you like to learn?"_

 _Her eyes snapped open. "You would teach me?"_

 _His smiled, his face bright as he placed the violin in her hands._

* * *

 _After several hours of learning and making mistakes Lothian laid in the ground. Grinning._

 _He had taught her the basics, and though she might never be good like him, she couldn't help but be proud. He told her that with more practice she would be able to play anything she wanted. Even join an orchestra._

 _Lothian snorted. He was just being nice. But it felt good to have someone encourage you._

 _Praise you._

 _She turned to her side and watched the man lazily play with a flower. Her eyes trailed down the length of him. They landed lower. She raised them back up and was embarrassed to see him looking at her._

 _She was caught._

 _His eyes quickly turned away. His thoughts obviously turning._

 _She felt guilty for what she had done a few days ago. Her hands discovering parts of her body. But it was her own body, she shouldn't feel guilty, and it shouldn't matter what others might say about it. If she wasn't allowed to do that. Why else would something like that exist if is wasn't meant to be used in someway._

 _She smiled to herself. She sounded ridiculous. But as she watched the man she couldn't help but ask. He never laughed at her for not knowing things-perhaps this was no different. "Do you touch?" she asked._

 _He seemed to know what she was talking about but still he said," touch...?"_

 _Lothian sat up. Her hand hovered over his place. Though she did not touch. "Here."_

 _He coughed, his cheeks turning a bright red._

 _She laid back down and averted her eyes from meeting his. She opened her mouth and then closed it. Opened it again and whispered, "I do." She rested her hands on her belly. "Is it normal?"_

 _The felt the man sit up. Felt his eyes studying her. "From where I'm from," he quietly said, "it is not something women are suppose to do. Not appropriate. And we aren't suppose to talk about it."_

 _She sat up. "Why not?"_

 _"I think—because a long time ago some man said women shouldn't. That men could do things while women shouldn't. And that we shouldn't talk about it because it was something that wasn't right."_

 _"So it's not natural," she whispered to herself. Finally meeting his gray eyes._

 _He tilted his head. "I think it is. How could something that feel so natural be considered wrong?"_

 _She grinned. Happy to finally have someone explain her things. Happy that he didn't laugh at her question._

 _"And do you bleed too?"_

 _He chuckled. But Lothian didn't think it was meant to be cruel. It didn't sound cruel._

 _"That's another thing we aren't supposed to talk about, but no, I don't." He smiled._

 _Lothian sighed. She had much to learn._

* * *

 _He brought a game with him this time. Taught her how to play._

 _"I won!"_

 _"You did," he chuckled._

 _"And you said it was hard to win," she said, as she playfully rolled her eyes._

 _"It is!" he laughed._

 _She shook her head but still smiled. "Lies."_

 _He continued laughing. It was a beautiful laugh. Lothian wished she could bottle it up and take it with her. Be able to listen to it whenever she wanted._

 _He went quiet for sometime. Lothian wondered what he was thinking about. Eventually he said, "I'm suppose to marry soon." He looked down at his hands. "My father has already arranged it. Said that I can't escape it even if it was in a couple years."_

 _Lothian stayed silent._

 _"I'm scared," he admitted. "I don't want this. I don't even know her. Don't know what I'm doing. And I'm scared because I don't know what happens next."_

 _Lothian reached out to place her hand over his. The memory of the other men still flicked through her mind. But the boy with no name made her feel safe. "I get scared too. Of all the things I can't understand."_

 _He turned her hand and interlaced it with his._

 _Lothian looked at their interlocked hands. He did too, and as if they crossed some line... he was about to pull back but Lothian held his hand firm. "Thank you," she said. "For being my friend."_

 _The corner of his mouth lifted. "And thank you for being mine."_

 _She slowly pulled her hand away. "I don't want to go," she whispered. "But I have to."_

 _"Me too," he replied. Helping her stand._

 _He walked away and so did she. But before he could be completely out of sight Lothian turned. So did he. He waved, and with one last smile turned to go._

* * *

 _"You don't know how to swim?"_

 _His cheeks turned pink. "No."_

 _Lothian walked to the edge of the river. She bent and dipped her hand. "It's warm," she said._

 _He walked towards her. She could tell he was hesitating. That if it wasn't for her he wouldn't have attempted to. But here he was._

 _Next to her._

 _She didn't know if she should jump into the water with her clothes or not._

 _Lothian looked up at him. He removed his shirt, his white hair sticking up at odd angles. His lean body making her flush._

 _Her hands touched the top of her shirt but then she dropped them and watched as he tugged off his pants._

 _She was curious to see the scar that ran along his leg. He had told her that doctors had once tried to fix his leg, but that they ended up leaving it worse than before._

 _It was a big scar, the red contrasting against his pale skin. He shifted under her gaze._

 _"I have scars, too," she said._

 _But he only looked at the ground._

 _Lothian at last began to undress, leaving only her undergarments on. Her heart was beating fast, but still she walked towards him._

 _She took his hand and placed it on her hip. He looked up at her and she said, "this was for the time I got home late." She ran his hand up, "this was for the time I left my book at the dinner table."_

 _She let go of his hand, but still he continued to explore. "And this?"_

 _"And this..." she said. "This was for..."_

* * *

 _It's been a year now. A year of meeting him in the Oakwald forest. Every time he brought something new. A new game. A new book. He even brought her food!_

 _And in turn she taught him how to swim, taught him math, science. He told her that he always had a hard time with learning those type of things. That the numbers would confuse him. And that his teachers often beat him for it._

 _He was embarrassed to admit it. But in the end he told her. And in the end she taught him gently. Never hit him or yelled. And when he would smile after solving a problem..._

 _He answered all the questions she asked. Never laughed when she asked about things she probably should already know. And she answered all the things he didn't understand._

 _Lothian smiled. Her arms spread wide. "Absolutely anything!"_

 _He laughed. "I would be a healer. How about you?"_

 _"A writer."_

 _"Oh yeah... and what would you write about?"_

 _"Everything! I would even write about the damn trees."_

 _"What language," he chuckled._

 _"Well, you're a bad influence."_

 _He sighed. "That I am."_

 _She smiled. She couldn't stop smiling. Even her mother noticed it. But still...she did not say anything._

 _"I would even write about you," she said._

 _"And what would you say?" He smiled wickedly. "That I am the most wonderful thing to ever exist?"_

 _Lothian playfully pinched him. "No."_

 _He laughed._

 _"I would write about..." She paused. "I would write about how kind you are. How you never laugh at my questions. How you make me happy. How you make me smile and laugh. About what a good friend you are," she added. She playfully pushed him to the ground. He laughed and pulled her down with him. She landed on top of him. Her face only inches from his._

 _He reached out to brush a strand of hair that had fallen in front of her face. His gray, oh so beautiful eyes greedily taking in her face. "And if I could write about you..." he whispered. "I would write about how wonderful you are. How lovely. And smart. And how curious you are about everything. And about how you love everything. Fascinated about everything. Wonder about everything. And how beautiful that is. And what beautiful eyes you have. And how when your brows pinch together you get this little crease. And how when you are deep in thought you bite your lip." His eyes wandered to her lips. His finger gently prying them apart. "About how beautiful your dark hair is. And your piercing green eyes. And how just hearing your voice makes everything better. How you make everything better."_

 _And then he gently lifted his head up, their lips touching._

 _It was barely a brush... but Lothian felt her body go up in flames. Felt a zing run through her. And then he gently pushed her away and clumsily stood. His hand covering his mouth. "What have I done," he whispered to himself. Shook his head. "What have I done."_

 _Lothian lifted her fingers to her lips. But stayed quiet._

 _"Lothian, I'm so sorry." His eyes so full of guilt. "I-"_

 _"It's okay," she whispered._

 _"Lothian," his voice full of anguish. "I-I told myself I wouldn't. That I wouldn't do that to her. That it wasn't fair to her. And that you deserved more. And I-"_

 _"It's okay," she repeated quietly._

 _"It's not okay, Lothian."_

 _And she knew it wasn't. The guilt in his eyes told her as much. And she felt whatever was in her chest break. It was her first kiss. Her first kiss and yet, it was nothing like she expected it to be. Whatever she felt a minute ago was gone. She felt her eyes water. "It's okay," she said, again._

 _He closed his eyes. "I'm married. I shouldn't have done that."_

 _"It's okay."_

 _He opened his eyes and searched her face. She tried not to cry._

 _"Lothian."_

 _"I'm okay," she said. She felt her warm tears slide down her face. "I'm okay."_

 _He walked towards her and knelt. His hands gently cupped her face. "Oh how I wished it was you," he whispered. " You keep crawling into my mind and you never leave. And no matter how hard I try... you're always there. Always." He rested his forehead against hers. "I'm sorry, Lothian."_

 _"Does this make me your mistress?" she whispered. "Because I don't think I want to be one."_

 _He shook his head. His features contorted in pain. "You will never be that to me. I could never let you be that to me. You deserve so much more. But Lothian... what I just-"_

 _He brushed her tears away. "I won't tell," she whispered. "I have no one to tell."_

 _He pulled her to him and held her close. "I'm so sorry, Lothian."_

 _"Why?" She whispered into his shoulder._

 _"Because it was supposed to special. Your first kiss was supposed to be special and I stole that from you. I'm so sorry."_

 _Lothian pulled back. Looked at anything but him._ _"I think I should go home," she said._

 _She met his eyes._ _He studied her face for a few moments. Nodded._

 _She could tell he wanted to say something to her. Was fighting with himself._ _"What is it?"_

 _He opened his mouth. Closed it._

 _"What is it?" She repeated. "What's wrong?"_

 _"I don't know how to tell you," he whispered._

 _"Why?"_

 _"Because I don't want to upset you anymore."_

 _"Then I'm better off not knowing."_

 _He was still fighting himself._

 _"I'm going now," she said quietly. And when she got up to leave she didn't turn back._

* * *

 _Lothian hadn't visited this part of the wood in months. Her mother had kept her busy with many chores and seemed to be happy that Lothian no longer left to wherever her mother thought she went._

 _But she was here now. And unlike other times she didn't come during the morning or day. When she heard the rustling of leaves she sat up. Her iron nails slipping out. She still hadn't got used to them. But since they were new they came out on their own, without her permission. She looked around, waiting for the worst. But then she saw him._

 _He came back. After all these months... he came back._

 _He didn't say anything. Only sat a distance away. Lothian's nails retracted before he really had a chance to see anything. After a time he moved closer to her._

 _Lothian laid down and looked at the stars. He laid next to her and did the same._

 _"You came back," she said._

 _"Every day," he whispered._

 _Lothian stilled._

 _Everyday._

 _"Why?"_

 _He shrugged. Was quiet for some time then said,"Did she hurt you?"_

 _"No. She hasn't."_

 _"I prayed for you. Everyday. Prayed that you were okay."_

 _Lothian's shoulder touched his. The back of her hand brushed his. And then somehow he linked their hands._

 _"There is something I need to tell you, Lothian," he said. "I know who you are."_

 _She turned her head to look at him. "I'm Lothian."_

 _"No," he said. "I know...know that you're an ironteeth witch."_

 _She stilled._

 _"I know about the curse."_

 _She sat up at that. She was breathing much too hard. "How?"_

 _But still, he hadn't let go of her hand._

 _"I've been told about your kind. I'm not supposed to... I'm not supposed to..." he looked away. Whispered,"I'm not supposed to care for your kind."_

 _Lothian felt like she couldn't breathe. "Care?"_

 _He nodded. Turned back to look at her. "I care for you, Lothian. And even though I don't want to... I do. And I think I always will. And I know that we still have so much to learn about one another, but I don't care for the woman that is suppose to be my wife. Don't feel anything for her. But when I think of you...and I just know that I... And even if I'm only your friend... I will care for you still. As a friend."_

 _Lothian didn't know what to say. Did she care for him? How did you know?_

 _"But I've lied to you. The reason I know about the curse about your kind..." He closed his eyes. "Is because I'm... I'm a Crochan prince."_

 _Lothian yanked her hand out of his. Stood up._

 _"You can't be," she whispered. "You can't be."_

 _"I am."_

 _"You're lying."_

 _"I'm not." He pulled out a small book from one of his pockets. Slowly moved towards her to place it in her hands. "I found this in the library. It was hidden. Has been hidden for a long time. But I think I've found a way to break the curse. I'm not sure how exactly, but I know this book might be a key."_

 _Lothian just wanted to scream. He couldn't be a Crochan. He just couldn't. But he was. He was._

 _She opened the book and sat. He kept his distance while she read. She paused and looked up at him. "I think I figured it out."_

 _He waited._

 _"It's—it's Crochan blood."_

 _"That's it? It's Crochan blood."_

 _"No," she whispered. Her hands running along the writings. "It's Crochan and Ironteeth."_

 _"What do you mean?"_

 _"It means..."_

* * *

Manon turned to her side and kissed Dorian's shoulder. He placed his arm around her waist and pulled him to her. He made a small noise in his sleep but didn't wake up.

Manon closed her eyes and fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

 _In the end, he fought with himself. She could tell. But he knew this was the only way. She knew it too. But Lothian gave him his space. Let him decide._

 _She tried not to think about her mother and the other witches. Blocked them out. It was the right thing to do. And maybe they were going to hurt people... they didn't mean to, but somethings had to be done._

 _This was the right thing to do. This would bring their people home._

 _In the end, he agreed._

 _He led her through the forest. Walking ahead of her._

 _She had agreed to meet him at dawn. So that no one could bear witness to what they were about to do._

 _It took about an hour to finally reach where he was leading her._

 _Lothian's fingers played with the ends of her braid. Taking everything in. It was a beautiful manor, but it wasn't a castle. She knew that his castle must be in the wastes, but the manor was still big enough to get lost in._

 _He didn't say anything when he turned to look at her. His face softening._

 _Taking her hand he led her up the back stairs. Lothian's focus went to their interlaced hands. She felt her heart beating in her chest. She was nervous and scared. Scared that she wouldn't know what to do. But it was him, she told herself. He wouldn't hurt her._

 _They were quiet on their way up. His leg dragging._

 _She knew people didn't think him beautiful because of his leg. That he felt shame in it. But he was beautiful to her._

 _He opened the door to what must be his room. She told him that it was okay in the woods, but he shook his head, told her a bed was much more comfortable._

 _So here she was._

 _The room was beautiful. Books were in piles. She recognized them. Realized that they were piles of books that he had chosen for her._

 _He let go of her hand. Let her eyes wander. When her eyes landed on him he swallowed._

 _"You're shaking," she said. "But you've done this before?"_

 _"Never with someone I've cared about."_

 _"Will it hurt?"_

 _"It does the first time. But I'll stop, just say the words and I'll stop."_

 _"Does it only take once?"_

 _"I don't know," he answered. "Everyone is different."_

 _"So we will have to do this again?"_

 _"Maybe."_

 _Lothian's heart skipped. She looked to the door. "Doesn't your wife sleep with you?"_

 _He shook his head. "She hasn't for sometime. She's taken to sleeping with another." He looked down at his leg. "I think I embarrass her... because of my leg."_

 _Lothian stared at the ground. "What do we do now?" she whispered._

 _She heard his footsteps slowly walk towards her._

 _"I'm suppose to touch you," he said quietly._

 _Lothian looked up. Nodded._

 _He leaned down to place a kiss along Lothian's neck. She flinched at his touch._

 _He pulled back. "I'm sorry," he said._

 _So she told him._

* * *

 _He was fighting with himself. She knew he was. Could see it in his face. He had pulled his hand back and was now sitting at the edge of his bed. He was scared to touch her now. She saw the guilt in his eyes._

 _"Will you touch me now?" She said quietly._

 _He looked up at the ceiling. "Do you still want me to touch you? After all they did. I can't even imagine what that must be like for you."_

 _She stood and gently placed her hands on his shoulders. Straddled him._

 _She bit her lip and with a finger he pried them apart. "I'm sorry it had to be this way," he said. "I wish... I wish..."_

 _"Will it take long?" Lothian asked quietly._

 _"I don't know," he said._

 _She leaned in to kiss his cheek._

 _He closed his eyes._

 _She kissed his temple._

 _He wrapped his arms around her waist._

 _And then... and then she placed a kiss on his lips._

 _And then... and then he undid her braid._

 _And then... and then slowly she undressed him._

* * *

 _Her hands tangled themselves through his white hair. Her body arched into him._

 _It was too much. This feeling was too much. She felt heat all over her body. Her body sticking to the sheets._

 _She wanted him to stop. Wanted him to continue. Wanted him to...well, she didn't know exactly what she wanted._

 _She felt so bare before him. He stopped a couple times to make sure she was okay. But now she was bare and open before him, a patch of wetness at her center. She desperately wished she knew what he was thinking._

 _And at first, she didn't know why his lips were trailing down her body. When he explained to her how making a witchling worked, he never said anything about his head going between her legs..._

 _His tongue making circles, and then going in, and then moving up and down._

 _She shut her eyes tightly._

 _When she would make noises his mouth would move even faster. And when her eyes met his gray ones..._

 _she let go. Her hips moving against his mouth on their own._

 _She sighed when she felt his mouth move away._

 _He leaned foreword to place a kiss on her cheek. "Are you okay?" he whispered._

 _She nodded. Still trying to come back to herself._

 _He smiled and then moved his mouth down her throat._

* * *

 _He latched onto her breast, and Lothian moaned._

 _This was also something he didn't tell her about. She looked to where his mouth connected with the peak of herself. Then his tongue licked her in a broad stroke._

 _Her fingers clinged to his hair and held him to her. One of his hands gently gripping the other._

 _And then he sucked._

* * *

 _He was looking into her eyes. "Are you sure?" He asked, breathless._

 _She nodded. Her body still humming and leaving her unable to form clear words._

 _He ran his hands up and down her body. Slowly and gently._

 _She felt him reach down, spread her opening with his fingers. And when he entered one inside her she gasped._

 _But then she felt the tip of him resting against her._

 _His kissed her temple and slowly entered. She winced at the foreign intrusion. Her hands gripping his shoulders. His chest pressed against hers. His eyes locked on hers._

 _"Are you okay?" he whispered in her ear. Not moving._

 _"It hurts."_

 _"Should I stop?"_

 _"No."_

 _And then he was moving. Her hands sticking to his back. His hips moving against hers._

 _She wanted to look down to see, but they were so close together that she couldn't really peek._

 _And when he went deeper she moaned, the noises coming out of her surprising her. He captured every one with his warm mouth. And when he pressed his lips to her ear he whispered his name._

 _"Hello."_

 _He smiled faintly. "Hello."_

 _And then he began to move against her faster. Deeper. She pressed her lips to his shoulder, trying to silence her moans. His groans filling the quiet room. Her nails digging into his skin. And when his hand reached down to press against her bundle of nerves... she shattered. His mouth on hers to quiet her._

 _His lips were still pressed to hers when he moaned and stilled deep inside._

 _His drenched forehead rested against hers. Her heart beating much too fast. His breathing coming out in pants._

 _She felt a wetness between her legs. One that was not her own._

 _She closed her eyes and he kissed her eyelids. He_ _was still inside of her when she opened her eyes again._

 _"Are you okay?" He panted._

 _She nodded. Still unable to form proper words._

 _He brushed strands of dark hair from her face._

 _She smiled up at him._

 _He quietly chuckled. Placed a slow and gentle kiss against her lips._

 _She closed her eyes again. "I can't believe... never thought it would feel that way," she chuckled. "I can't believe..."_

 _She could feel him smiling against her skin._

 _She looked down to where they were connected. Smiled. "We do have different parts. But yours is odd."_

 _He laughed. Kissed her again. Lothian wondered if you could die from too many kisses. If you can just stop breathing._

 _Her lips reached to kiss his shoulder. He groaned softly when he slipped out of her. She looked down at herself. Was alarmed to see the blue. "I'm hurt-"_

 _He brought his shirt over. Gently tapped it against her. She flinched at the contact. "It's okay," he said. "It happens when it's your first time."_

 _She closed her legs suddenly becoming shy of her body. As if noticing her discomfort he turned around._

 _"Perhaps I should go."_

 _"Would it be okay for you to stay?" He asked._

 _"I don't know. I mean... it's still early... I can always go back before anyone really awakens. But I do have to go back. Today of all days._

 _"Why 'today of all days'?"_

 _She pulled the covers over her body. "Because it's my birthday._

 _He turned at that. "Birthday?" he asked shocked. "It's your birthday?"_

 _She nodded._

 _"We did... on your birthday." He sat on his bed, shaking his head. "Lothian-"_

 _"Don't say you are sorry. We don't really celebrate birthdays where I'm from, so don't."_

 _"Then stay. You can sleep here," he said. "It's still early, and I wouldn't want you to have to walk home after..."_

 _She nodded._

 _"Lothian?"_

 _"Yeah?"_

 _"Happy Birthday."_

 _She smiled. "Thank you."_

 _He went to his drawer and pulled a book out. Stared at it for a bit, and then turned to face her. "I was going to wait to give this to you," he said. "But it being your birthday and all..." he walked toward her and placed it on the bed._

 _She picked it up and looked at it. "Thank you," she said. She opened it and stared at the empty pages. "A journal?"_

 _He grinned. "So you can write about the damn trees."_

* * *

 _Lothian sat at the dining table with her head held high. Something inside her felt changed. She felt powerful. Felt happy._

 _The witches that were eating besides her began to laugh as one of them began to talk about a man they had recently slept with._

 _Lothian popped a slice of fruit in her mouth and smiled to herself. Thinking about her own man._

* * *

 _He collapsed on top of her. Breathed into her skin as Lothian ran her hands down his damp back._

 _She knew his leg hurt when they would do this. Also knew that he was probably embarrassed to tell her. She wondered if there was a way..._

 _He pulled out of her and laid next to her. Placed a kiss on her nose. Interlocked their hands to place a kiss there._

 _"Do you think I'm pregnant now?"_

 _"Have you felt ill?"_

 _"No."_

 _"Have you bled?"_

 _"Yes."_

 _"Then no."_

 _She has been in his bed many times now. Has spent many mornings besides him. Has learned many things about him. Learned about what he loved... what he hated... what he dreamed of. And she told him hers._

 _He pulled her close and kissed her. "I wish you could stay."_

 _"Me too."_

 _"Lothian, after this is done..." He bit his lip. Lothian released it with her finger. "Run away with me."_

 _Lothian stilled._

 _"We can break the curse and then leave. Together. Go far away and never come back. We can raise Manon in a place far away from here. In a place where no one would hurt her."_

 _Lothian placed her hands on her belly._

 _"Your mother," he continued. "She'll raise her all wrong. Our Manon."_

 _She turned her head and placed her hands on his chest. Whispered his name against his lips. "Okay." She smiled. "Okay."_

 _He kissed her deeper. His tongue meeting hers._

 _He was about to raise himself over her but she pulled away. "Your leg," she said. "It hurts you?"_

 _He looked away and nodded._

 _She placed herself on top of him. Wanted to try something._

 _And when she slid down on him they both groaned._

* * *

 _Lothian twirled. Her hands running down the silk. It was beautiful. The dress was beautiful. She felt him walk behind her and place a mask on her face._

 _"What happens if we are caught?"_

 _"We won't be. My wife isn't in town and... and the maids..." he said carefully. "They like to gossip. Apparently our mornings aren't exactly a secret. They hear things," he whispered._

 _"Us?"_

 _"Yes."_

 _Lothian felt herself redden._

 _He turned her around and captured her lips. Pulled back to properly look at her. "You're so beautiful," he said._

 _She smiled. "You're so pretty." And he was. His white hair was swept back, gray eyes peeking behind a black mask._

 _He grinned and took her hand. "Ready?"_

 _"Ready."_

* * *

 _She felt their eyes on her. Felt people staring at her._

 _But still she held him._

 _Still she wanted to experience this._

 _And when he leaned down to place a kiss on her lips she even smiled._

* * *

 _They stumbled into his room. Her mask thrown across the room. His hands in her hair, the upper half of her dress bunched at her waist._

 _His hands roamed down and gripped her behind. He was on his knees when he lifted her leg and placed it on his shoulder._

 _Lothian's hands tugged at his hair as he kissed, and kissed, and kissed._

* * *

 _She gently pushed him on the bed. Tugged off his pants._

 _Touched him there._

 _Touched her mouth there._

 _His hands were in her hair when he let out his last beautiful moan._

 _He fell back panting. His hands gently resting atop her head._

 _She crawled up to kiss his cheek._

* * *

 _Lothian was laying on his chest when he said,"Marry me, Lothian."_

 _He slightly moved to his side to pull out a ring that he had hidden on the table near his bed._

 _Lothian stared. It was the ring! The ring she stole when she was little._

 _He sat up on his knees and took her hand. "Lothian Blackbeak..."_ _And then he told her just how much he loved her._

 _And then he showed her._

* * *

 _Lothian felt sick. She was in the dining hall when she reached for the nearest container. Vomited. And when she looked up... she met her mother's eyes._

* * *

 _She didn't see him for some time. They had decided that he should keep the ring safe for her. That they would marry after Manon was born._

 _Her belly continued to grow and grow. It amazed her. To think that she was carrying an actual witchling inside of her. That she was going to be a mother. That she would be the one to make him a father. But Lothian could not see him, because if she left... if she left... her mother would beat one of her thirteen. Her mother didn't touch her, but instead found a new way to punish her._

 _So Lothian stayed where she was at._

* * *

 _Her mother left. Actually left._

 _She was to go to the southern continent and leave one of her witches to watch over things._

 _And because she was gone... Lothian left, too._

* * *

 _He had shown her many ways to sneak into his room. And now Lothian did. When she heard the door click open she saw him. Sleeping in his bed. His arm draped over his stomach. Slowly she walked towards him. Brushed his hair out of his face._

 _He gripped her wrist. Startled awake. But when he saw her... when his eyes took in her belly... he smiled, tears sliding down his cheeks._

 _He pulled her towards him and Lothian fell into his arms._

* * *

 _They were laying on the bed. Facing each other. His hand rubbing her belly._

 _"I wonder what she would look like?" She said._

 _"Hopefully like you," he said._

 _She touched his white hair. "I wonder if she will have your white hair?"_

 _He looked down towards his bad leg. And noticing his gaze she tipped his chin up so that he was looking at her. "If she does I will still love her. I would love every part of her. Even if her leg is like yours."_

 _He buried his face on her neck. "I love you," he said. "I know those words are said too many times. Said carelessly by many, but I don't know any other word to tell you how much... just how much..."_

 _She kissed him. "Me too."_

* * *

 _He walked her back to Oakwald. Their hands intertwined._

 _"And she will be the fiercest," she said. "And she will be beautiful, and kind, and smart. And she will be unstoppable. And I can read her books, and you can teach her how to play games. And in the morning I will wake up next to you... every day." She grinned. "Every day."_

 _"And she will be so loved. The most loved child in all the world," he added._

 _She laughed. "Of course she will."_

 _"And she'll be a princess."_

 _"And a warrior," she added._

 _"And you'll be my queen?"_

 _She grinned. Kissed his hand. "I will."_

 _He pulled her in for a deep kiss. "I love you, Lothian Blackbeak."_

 _"I love you," she whispered. The words finally coming out of her mouth. She smiled and then turned to go but he snatched her arm and pulled her to him again. Kissed her. Kissed her so deeply, so long, that Lothian had to break away. Flushed and smiling. He placed one last kiss on her lips, and she turned to go._

 _But before she could be completely out of sight he called her name._

 _Lothian turned._

 _He looked at her. Taking every inch of her in. "Hello, girl who is beautiful."_

 _Lothian laughed. "Don't you mean good-bye?"_

 _He shook his head. "I don't want to ever say good-bye to you."_

 _Lothian smiled. "Hello, boy with no name."_

 _And as he left Lothian continued to stare at the empty space where he had been._

 _It was the last time she would see him._

* * *

 _"Please!" She yelled. "Please, I just want to hold her." Her tears sliding down her face. "I just want to hold-"_

 _Her mother looked down at her and then nodded. Placed her in Lothian's arms._

 _She looked just like him. Almost every inch of her looked like him. And when Manon opened her big golden eyes... Lothian smiled. She was so beautiful._

 _She kissed her forehead. "I love you," she whispered in her ear. "I love you."_

 _But then she was snatched away._

 _"What are you doing?" She screamed. "She's mine." Her voice broke. "She's mine. Please don't take her from me. Please."_

 _And then she felt her mother's hands wrap around her neck._

 _"She'll break the curse," she cried. "Her blood will-"_

 _"I know," her mother said. "I've read your journal." And for all her mother's heartlessness... she saw her mother's tears."I'm sorry, Lothian."_

 _And then Lothian's heart slowed._

 _Images of his hands. His lips. His smile. His eyes. His kisses. His leg that made him even more beautiful. His voice. The first time they met. The first touch. Their last words. So many memories._

 _Lothian's eyes searched for her daughter. And when she found her... she would be the last thing she saw._

 _Lothian's eyes flicked shut. He heart becoming only a few beats. And then..._

 _Lothian died._

* * *

Manon's pulled the envelope that was in the journal. Opened it.

 _My Manon,_

* * *

Manon placed her lips to Dorian's ear.

"Princeling," she whispered. Gently squeezed his bare shoulders. "Dorian, my love."

He slowly opened his eyes. Sleepily looked at her. His long ebony lashes fluttering up.

"It's time."


	16. Chapter 16

**Time**

"Time for what?" he whispered.

"I think I'm ready... I'm ready for what happens next. But-but I need to be sure. I have to be certain that this child won't make it." She gently touched his lips with her fingers. "And then it will be done."

"You make it sound like its so easy."

"Maybe it should be," she said quietly.

Dorian turned his head away but she gently cupped his chin and made him face her again.

"I didn't think..." she shook her head. "I didn't think it would be something I ever wanted—but I do, I want to have _your_ child, Dorian. But I don't think it's possible—I don't know if it will ever be possible, but _this_ child...I don't think this child is going to make it—and I can't pretend anymore. You are a King and I'm a Queen. We are in a war—what if I die on that field with a child inside of me? What would happen if I try to carry this child to full term? I'll be too round to properly fight and I can't have you worrying about me. We can't continue in this fantasy we made for ourselves, we need to carry on. We need to find Aelin an army. We need to find that final key. We need to know for sure if this child..." She closed her eyes and rested her head on his chest.

"How will we know?" Dorian whispered.

She opened her eyes to look at him. Her golden eyes piercing his very soul. "I've been getting more sick—and not the normal kind. There's..." she hesitated. "There's blood in the vomit."

Dorian sat up at that. Placed his hands on her cheeks making it hard for her to turn away from him. "Manon-"

Her hands circled his wrists. "I know," she whispered. "I know I need to get checked it's just... I know what happens after—I wasn't ready, but I am now. I'm ready for what happens next. I have to be."

Dorian ran one hand down to her small belly.

"He's dying, Dorian."

* * *

She was lying in Dorian's arms when he heard the knock. He watched as Manon tucked herself further into his side. Her hands clutching his shirt. Her small belly pressed against him. Strands of her white hair covered her beautiful face.

After she told him what she planned to do he hadn't been able to go back to bed. He knew this was coming, but the reality of it and how soon it would be...

The darkness that surrounded them was beginning to choke him. He had spent most of the night focusing his thoughts on Manon's breathing to calm him.

He looked to where the knock had come from and noticed the familiar figure. The small lit candle near the entrance casting her shadow on the wall.

 _Asterin_.

"Can I talk to you?" she mouthed. Her eyes gently taking in Manon's sleeping form.

Dorian nodded and Asterin quietly left the room.

He slowly moved to get up but stopped when Manon pulled him close. Her hands wrapping tightly around him.

"Where are you going?" she whispered into his ear, her eyes still shut.

Dorian kissed her temple. "I'll be right back, my love."

* * *

Dorian let Asterin lead him to the bank of the river. Despite what he had told Manon, he could feel the cold. He had lied to her when he said he couldn't. When he didn't use his magic he could feel _everything_ , but with it, he felt nothing. He liked that he had magic on him at times, but when it came to Manon he wanted to do everything for her with his own two hands. He wanted to just be a normal man who loved a woman.

Witch.

Asterin told him to sit. He picked at a flower and played with it between his fingers.

"I'm sorry if I have acted strangely around you," she said. "It's just that...it was hard for me. My whole existence has been to defend Manon. To watch out for her and protect her, but you came along and I realized that she might not need me anymore. I began to not act like myself. I'm sorry for that."

"You don't need to apologize, Asterin. And that's not true, she needs you—she will always need you more than anything."

"I know, it's just... Manon has always kept to herself, it has made it hard at times to figure her out. I never thought that she would fall in love, that _that_ was something she desired. But it happened and I'm glad it did. At first, I tried encouraging her, but then, I don't know. I didn't expect to feel the way I did after..."

Dorian handed the flower to Asterin. She looked at him for a moment and then took it.

"Thank you for protecting her," he said. "All those years. If it wasn't for you I don't think she would be the same Manon that is with us today."

Asterin looked down at the flower. "The day she was born was one of the happiest days of my life. She was so tiny and had the most beautiful golden eyes. I was excited to have a new cousin. Witchlings are rare for our kind. My mother never talked to Manon's, Lothian was always different from the rest of the witches."

"Does Manon look like her?"

She shook her head. "I was still a child when Lothian was alive. But I do remember what she looked like. She was beautiful. She had this jet black hair and the most beautiful green eyes. I think Manon might look more like her father, but sometimes I see Manon turn a certain way and it reminds me of her mother. The way she would move at times."

"And your mother?"

Asterin closed her eyes briefly. "My mother was beautiful, deadly, and cruel. She died several months after Lothian." She shook her head and turned to look at him. "What about your mother?"

Dorian dug his fingers into the dirt. "I sent her away," he said quietly.

"Do you think she misses you?"

"Sometimes I wonder if she loved me because I was a prince or her son. My mother wasn't the kind to tuck me into bed. The servants were always the ones that fed me and bathed me when I was young. My mother never really even stepped into my room. But I think, that if I were to see her again I would like to start over, get to know her better— to ask her if I am good enough- if I grew to be the king she wanted me to be."

"You seem to be doing pretty well. I think you will be a great king once you get your kingdom back, Dorian." She smiled and gently knocked her shoulder against his. "And I think you will be an even greater father."

He smiled at that. "Thank you."

They sat silently for a few moments until she said, "It has been a while since an Ironteeth has been born."

"And would he or she be an Ironteeth?"

"It's safe to assume that she's a girl. All our Ironteeth are. But having Crochan and Ironteeth blood... If she's anything like Manon and you..."

"Asterin...?"

"Yeah?"

Dorian opened his mouth to speak but the words didn't come out.

 _A boy._

 _Manon was going to give birth to a boy that would die._

"Do you guys have a name?" Asterin asked. "I had one for mine-"

Dorian cocked his head. "You have a child? Manon never-"

He watched as she hesitated. "Can I trust you, Dorian?"

"Always."

Asterin drew a circle in the dirt and told him what Manon's grandmother had done. How she had loved a hunter in the woods. Had birthed a stillborn child—a witches greatest shame. And when she was done Dorian took her hand and gave it a squeeze.

Asterin whispered, "I can't wait to meet your child."

Dorian tried to give her a kind smile, but he knew she must have noticed the sadness in it because she asked, "Are you all right?"

He nodded.

Asterin looked at him a bit longer but said nothing.

"Asterin?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I hug you?"

Asterin nodded. Dorian leaned in and wrapped his arms around her. "Thank you for telling me your story," he whispered.

"Thank you for listening," she whispered back. "And for everything after."

* * *

Dorian sat on the floor with his back against the door.

Manon didn't want him in the room when she did it. She had wanted her second. And though Dorian wanted to be the one to support her in this...

It was Asterin who she needed. It was Asterin who knew what it was like to...

Dorian closed his eyes. His magic searching for Manon, making sure she was okay. But in the end he gave up, his magic hadn't sensed any danger yet. He had very little control over it. And the control he did have wasn't always useful.

He wished Chaol was here. What would he say? And what would he think? Any other person wouldn't care about what others thought, but... he also loved Chaol— even when he chose Celaena over him. And though deep down he knew Celaena didn't care about how Dorian felt at that moment... Chaol _did_.

He hoped wherever he was that he was safe and happy. And as much as he knew there was a chance that Chaol would never be able to walk again...

He wasn't a lesser man for it. He still mattered.

 _Mattered to him._

Dorian closed his eyes and rested his head on his knees that were pressed against his chest.

And so he waited.

* * *

 _Dorian Havilliard looked at the tiny creature his mother had placed in his arms._

 _"Isn't he beautiful?" his mother said._

 _No._

 _"He's going to grow to be as big as you someday."_ _When Dorian didn't say anything she continued, "Do you want to help me name him?"_

 _Dorian shook his head, his back against the headboard. It was weird for him to be in his mother's room, to lie beside her in bed. He couldn't recall the last time he had done this._

 _"Come on, Dorian. Be happy, you have a brother, a new prince. Look, he looks just like you."_

 _Dorian looked at said prince. He looked nothing like Dorian. He didn't even look human. Do babies ever?_

 _"I think you are going to be a wonderful big brother," she said, her smile wide._

 _Dorian didn't know what to make of this new addition to the family. His mother told him that his brother would be like having Chaol around all the time. That once he grew old enough he and Dorian would be best friends. But Dorian didn't want another best friend, he had Chaol._

 _"Can we name him Chaol?" Dorian whispered._

 _His mother chuckled softly. "I don't think your father would like that."_

 _"But do you like that?"_

 _His mother smiled and kissed Dorian's temple, ignoring the small flinch he gave. Her lips were dry and her hair slightly damp._ _"A wife mustn't go against her husband."_

 _"But why?"_

 _"Because it just isn't done that way. You'll learn that when you have a wife."_

 _"But doesn't that make you sad?"_

 _She ignored his question and said, "Another name, Dorian."_

 _"But what if we spell it with a K? Like K-a-l-e."_

 _She shook her head._

 _Dorian sighed and pinched his brows together, deep in thought. Thinking of all the heroes he read about in his books._ _His eyes widening and a smile spreading when he picked a name he liked._

 _"I like that name," she said, causing Dorian to smile wider._

 _He looked at his brother and whispered, "Hello-"_

 _The door burst open, his father appearing. "Where is my son?" he asked, his eyes falling on the new prince that was in Dorian's arms. Noticing his father's fierce stare, Dorian handed his mother her son._

 _His father walked over and got a look at his new boy. His mouth turning at the corners. He reached out to cradle the boy in his arms, his eyes taking in his features. "His name?"_

 _Dorian looked at his mother who just nodded at him to speak. He opened his mouth but his father raised his hand to silence him._

 _"Hollin," the king said. "His name will be Hollin."_

* * *

Dorian pushed himself off the ground. He had fallen asleep, his body ached from the dark cold ground he had been lying on. The door to the room was still closed tight.

They had decided that it would be most comfortable for Manon to do this outside the village. Somewhere Manon wouldn't have her thirteen or Elide finding her.

After Manon had confessed that there had been blood in her vomit they had sought out the healer. She had done several of her test and... Dead. Their child had been dead inside Manon for days now.

He remained quiet after the healer had told them. It was Manon who had spoken. It was Manon who had to be ready to take the next step—and he would stand beside her through it all. Would stand beside his brave wife.

Dorian was about to try to listen in on what was happening behind the door, but then he felt his magic burst. Burst into a frenzy of panic. It was then that he knew what had just happened. That his child had just...

That Manon had just...

That she had just birthed their dead child. A little prince.

He wanted to so desperately run to Manon. He would have crawled. But he also didn't want to hurt her trust in him. She had wanted him to stay outside.

He—he felt like he couldn't breathe. He tried counting to ten but all he could feel is his heart pounding. Sweat running down his back. He felt paralyzed. He _was_ paralyzed in fear. He felt his mind able to work but his body—he had no control over his body.

He didn't know what to do.

So he sat there in shock and placed his trembling hands over his face. His whole body rebelling against the logical part of his mind. But then he heard the door creak open.

Asterin sat down beside him and said, "it's okay to go inside now."

He tried his best to nod.

"Dorian, I know it's hard to feel okay right now, but you're shaking—"

Dorian closed his eyes. Focusing on a vision of Manon's face. Clinging to the memory of her laughter. Her light.

After a moment he was finally able to move and speak. "Thank you," he said, opening his eyes. "Thank you for staying with her." He moved to rise but Asterin placed her hand gently on his shoulder. "Please be gentle with her. She didn't make a sound. Didn't cry—and I'm scared of that silence, Dorian."

He nodded. He didn't have it in him to cry either. He felt so numb. Felt like he wasn't even in his body. This was a nightmare—like the collar that was once around his neck. Expect there was no escape from this type of thing. And that silence... _her_ silence scared him most of all.

Dorian opened the door to the bedroom and quietly peeked his head into the bathroom. She sat there in the tub, her back to him, arms wrapped around herself. Dorian's footsteps were the only sound as he walked towards her.

He got on his knees beside her. Still not looking at her face. He didn't want to look into the tub. Didn't want to know just how much blue blood filled it.

He rested his shoulder on the side of the tub and Manon shifted further away from him. Her head resting on the other side of the tub.

Dorian's eyes landed on the basket that laid in the corner. The shape of a small body concealed with a sheet.

He was in there. _His son._

Dorian forced himself to look away, he instead looked at Manon and placed his hands in the tub, ready to carry her out of the blood-filled water, but she stopped him.

"Please don't touch me," she whispered. The corners of her mouth were dry and her skin was an unusual pale.

Dorian pulled his hands back.

"I can do it," she said, her voice so quiet. "I can get up."

And she did. Her movements slow and shaky.

Dorian followed her to the room and studied Manon's broken frame as she sat at the edge of the bed. The long shirt she wore was stained blue and dripping.

He pulled his shirt over his head and walked it over to her, but Manon only looked down at her hands."My love..." he whispered.

She slightly looked up at him and then began to take off her shirt.

He moved forward and helped her put the new one on. Keeping his eyes on her face. His hands careful not to touch her skin. His fingers moved strands that clung to her damp forehead.

"Manon..." he said quietly. "I don't know what to do... I don't know what to say. I—"

"There's nothing to say," she whispered. She turned away from him and laid on the bed, bunching herself into a ball.

Dorian kneeled beside the bed. "I—I know you probably don't want to speak to me right now, but I—I just want you to know that I love you. You need to know that I love you."

Manon didn't meet his eyes but she nodded. "I know you do," she whispered.

The door opened and Asterin quietly entered the room, when she saw Manon she gently crawled onto the bed. She kept her hands to herself but laid with her body facing Manon.

Dorian gently laid a blanket over both of them as their eyes fluttered shut, his body then taking him towards where his child still laid.

He knew that seeing his son like this would utterly break him but, he had to. He had to carry him at least once.

His hands were shaking as he went to close the door and kneel next to his son. "Hello, my prince," he whispered as he cradled the child in his arms. He slowly peeled the blanket away to take a peek at the face beneath.

Tiny.

He was so tiny, and the few scrawls of hair he had... were black, like his hair. Skin like his mother's. Pale, but also with a hint of blue.

"I'm here," Dorian whispered, as tears began to fall down his cheeks. "I'm here, I'm here, I'm here. Your daddy is here. I'll protect you. I promise. I promise. I promise"

Dorian didn't remember falling asleep.

* * *

 _Dorian stared up at the ceiling._

 _The room was much to warm and the body lying next to him only added to the summer heat. But unlike the other bodies he usually had in his bed this body was someone he had become close to—had shared his bed multiple times with._

 _She was to leave tomorrow. Her uncle taking her to some villa outside of town._

 _She turned slightly and placed a hand on his chest. "My prince," she purred. "Staring at nothing, as usual."_

 _He turned to look at her. Red hair and freckles that had enchanted him that first night at the party. "Not nothing," he said. "Just thinking."_

 _"Of what, my prince?"_

 _He sighed. "My mother is looking at potential brides again. She is throwing a ball soon..."_

 _She sat up and laughed, her hair falling over one shoulder. "And am I invited, my prince?"_

 _"Of course."_

 _"And your mother will ignore me as usual."_

 _Dorian looked back up at the ceiling._ _One of his mother's servants had caught Rosamund in his bed and had told his mother. His mother often remained quiet about the females he chose to lie with, he remembered the first time his father spoke of his bedding habits and his mother had only said, "men will do as they please."_ _But the look on her face was one of utter disappointment as if she expected her son to be better than men who would take multiple women to their bed._

 _Dorian didn't know if his father had multiple mistresses. Perhaps somewhere there were other children that his father had birthed with other women. It made him sad to think that his father could do such a thing to his mother, betray her in that way, but he tried not to think of it often._

 _Dorian wasn't married but... not many judged him for sleeping around since he was a man, it was what they expected of a young prince. His father only disapproved because he wanted Dorian to birth an heir and not a bastard. His mother-_

 _When he thought about his mother his actions made him feel dirty. He slept with plenty of women without ever having to think about the consequences. Would he do the same in marriage? Would he be the same person he was now?_

 _Dorian didn't like the things he often did. He wished he wouldn't have to sleep around to feel something. He wished his mother wouldn't look at him that way every time she saw him walking the gardens with someone new. He wished he didn't pay his flings with jewelry just to keep them pleased after he lost interest. He wished-_

 _He wished he wasn't all the things he was. He wished he was a better person; a better man. He wished-_

 _There was no point in wishing, he suppose. He had to make the change within himself and he hadn't._

 _"There you go thinking of nothing again," she chuckled as she got off the bed and searched for her clothes._

 _"Rose...?"_

 _"Yes, my prince?"_

 _"Am I a good man?"_

 _She was lacing up her dress and paused. "There are many definitions of what makes a good man."_

 _"What is a good man in your eyes?"_

 _She looked at him then. "You really want to know?"_

 _He nodded once._

 _She opened her mouth to speak but then closed it. Opened it again. "There is something I haven't told you yet, my prince. I've been meaning to..."_

 _"What is it?"_

 _"I'm leaving tomorrow."_

 _"With your uncle," he said._

 _"No. Not with my uncle..."_

 _"I don't understand-"_

 _She_ _looked up at him. "My prince, did you ever plan on marrying me?"_

 _Dorian was going to nod but then he stopped himself. He hadn't._

 _"He's going to marry me," she whispered. "He loves me and he told me so himself. You have never even once uttered the words. I'd be a fool to deny him this marriage."_

 _"For how long has this been going on?" he asked, quietly._

 _"Some time now."_

 _Dorian looked back up at the ceiling. Felt the bed shift under her weight as she crawled back onto the bed. She placed her hand over his._

 _"I'm sorry," she said._

 _"Don't," he whispered. "Don't marry him."_

 _She smiled slightly. "And if I don't marry him... will you marry me?"_

 _Dorian didn't respond._

 _She got off the bed and went to the door, but before she opened it she turned and said, "I hope that one day somebody makes you as happy as he has made me. You aren't a bad man, but you also aren't a great man. At least not yet. I'm afraid you have a lot of growing up to do."_

 _And then she shut the door, leaving Dorian alone._

* * *

"Dorian," Asterin whispered in his ear. "We need to bury him."

Dorian slowly opened his eyes, his back against the tub. His child still cradled in his arms.

He looked at his son's beautiful face and nodded absently.

"Should I take him or..."

"I'll do it," he whispered. "I'll hold him."

She bent down and placed a kiss on his son's tiny head. "I'll get Manon."

* * *

Manon sat with her back facing him. Her eyes focused on the small grave Asterin had made for their child.

The child that had barely developed, his toes and fingers just barely separating.

The grave was marked with a symbol that Dorian couldn't read.

He still remembered when he knocked on Asterin's door and told her that Manon needed her, that they had kept a secret from her. He saw the betrayal written all over her face, but still, Asterin had come.

It's been days. Days without Manon responding. Days without speaking to each other. They hadn't made any progress with their search for the keys. They hadn't traveled away from the village.

Dorian didn't know what Manon's thirteen must be thinking. What they were saying about them.

He sat on the ground several feet away from her. Observing. Watched as she gently leaned her head on her wyvern. Watched as Abraxos pulled her in with his wing.

Asterin had taken to sleeping in Manon's room. Has been caring for her this entire time. She had told him she hasn't cried yet—that she needed to have a good cry. And though Dorian wanted to be the one to care for his wife, he was relieved that she at least had someone.

He wanted Chaol. Wanted his brother beside him. All his life he had Chaol. Chaol who looked after him when he got sick. Chaol who never let him play with the other kids for fear he would get hurt. Chaol who never meant to break Dorian's heart when he chose Celaena. Chaol who still believed Dorian was inside his body when he was collared.

When Abraxos didn't pull back his wing he knew that it was time for him to let her be.

* * *

 _Dorian sat in an empty field with the gift Chaol had given him before he was sent away by his father._

 _It was his birthday today and more than anything he wanted to be left alone. His mother was to throw a ball in the evening that Dorian didn't want to attend._

 _His birthdays always made him sad, but if anyone ever asked him he would only smile politely and pretend that he actually enjoyed them._

 _He was eleven now, but his body was much smaller than the rest of the other boys, and because of it they teased him endlessly._

 _Chaol always came to his defense, but Dorian didn't want him to. So Dorian learned to charm them with his manners. He learned how to play the game and make other boys like him._

 _He learned to flirt with the girls and outsmart the boys. But it was only when he was by himself did he feel the weight of his falseness._

 _He felt so empty. He felt so alone._

 _Will it always be like this?_ _Will he always carry this emptiness?_ _Dorian wondered how much pain one could endure in a lifetime._

 _He closed his eyes and tried to imagine his other life. It was a game he liked to play often, to pretend that he was somewhere else._

 _He imagined living in a small cottage, surrounded by trees. He imagined having a trillion of dogs and having them run around the yard._

 _He imagined having a wife who was beautiful and kind._

 _He imagined children. Lots of them._

 _He imagined-_

 _Dorian opened his eyes and surveyed the guard that was now standing before him._

 _"Prince Dorian," the guard said. "Your mother asked me to find you to take you back to the castle. Your party will be starting soon."_

 _Dorian nodded and obeyed as always._

* * *

He found her sitting at the bank of the river. Her hands washing some clothes.

The thin blouse she wore allowed him to clearly study her figure.

Flat.

Every inch of her was flat. _Too flat._ As if she hadn't eaten in days. Dorian hadn't much of an appetite since everything had happened, but Manon looked... well, starved.

Dorian approached her quietly.

She looked up and stopped her washing when she heard him. Her long white hair falling over one shoulder.

He didn't say anything and neither did she. All he knew was that he shouldn't leave her alone.

* * *

Late at night, he wondered if she thought about their child too. If she wanted to dig him back up from the ground and demand that he wake again. That his lovely eyes open for them just once.

What color were they?

In all his daydreaming he always pictured their children looking like Manon. Having her white hair and golden eyes. But their son hadn't... instead of white, it had been black, like his.

Perhaps this was his punishment for every crime Dorian had ever committed. For all the women he had used. For all the people who his father had enslaved while Dorian watched. For all the men— _all of his men_ Dorian had tortured when he was collared.

So much death. So much pain he had caused.

He deserved this pain. He was the one that deserved to die.

But not Manon—she didn't deserve this.

And not his son. His beautiful boy.

They both deserved better.

* * *

 _The fire burned brightly. The heat of it warming skin._

 _His father's men gathered around the fire. Using their bare hands to eat. Their bodies packed tightly together against the cold. Gossiping and telling jokes. The rest of the village had taken shelter in their homes, but the men seemed to not mind the chilly weather._

 _Dorian sat alone. He was always alone. His black hair falling over his eyes. His hands resting in his lap. Staring at nothing._

 _He heard his father laugh at something one of his men said and looked up to see what was the source of their humor. But as soon as he raised his head his father had gone back into the woods and left Dorian alone with the men in the village._

 _Dorian looked down and made idle circles on the grass with his finger. He looked up when he heard a slap against_ skin.

 _A boy. He was being dragged out of his house by the collar of his shirt, a fox trailing behind him._

 _"Please, Papa," the boy cried. His auburn hair falling over his eyes. "It was a mistake, I didn't mean..."_

 _"Shut it," the man said. "How many times do I have to tell you... what will make you learn!"_

 _"I'm sorry," the boy sobbed._

 _His father whispered something in the boy's ear and let go of his collar, dropping his son on the ground._

 _The fox was trying to comfort the boy, but when the father saw he grabbed the fox by his coat and kneed him in the stomach. The fox cried out._

"Wait," _Dorian said, his fist at his sides. He was only nine years old, and the man was much bigger than he, but he was the king's heir and that itself would prevent any harm from coming to him—or at least he hoped._

" _And who the fuck are you to tell me what to do," the man spat. He moved towards him and grabbed Dorian by his shoulders._

 _"I'm- I'm Dorian," he stuttered. "I'm-"_

 _But then his father's guard was on the man and pulling him away from Dorian._

" _Please," the boy pleaded. "Please don't kill my Pa." Dorian moved to kneel beside the boy. The boy turned to look at Dorian and said,"Please. Please don't let him kill my Pa. It was a mistake, I didn't mean to," he cried. "I promise I won't-"_

 _Dorian looked up to see that the guard hadn't let go of the man's throat._

" _You will never lay a hand on him again," the guard told the father."You will never lay a hand on both of them; if you do I will make sure that you no longer have hands."_

" _Please don't," the boy whispered. "Please."_

 _The guard looked at Dorian. Dorian nodded and whispered, "let him go."_

 _The guard cocked his head and slowly removed his hands from the man's throat. Pushed him back. "Don't. Ever. Touch. Him. Again."_

 _The man only stretched his neck back and forth, shaking his head. He murmured something under his breath and left, leaving his beaten son and his fox._

* * *

 _Dorian took the boy to the kitchen in the palace and made sure he ate. The boy was way too thin and it looked as if he had been starved for days._

 _The boy ate quietly, looking up at Dorian every now and then. His fox was asleep in the corner._

" _How are you feeling?" Dorian asked quietly. Studying the bruise that was forming on the boy's face._

 _The boy shrugged._

" _Do you think your father will be back?"_

 _The boy nodded. "He always comes back. He's just a little angry..."_

 _Dorian studied the boy for a few minutes_. _Opened his mouth to ask a question but the boy shook his head._

" _If I tell you, you might tell your guards and they might beat me too." He shook his head again._

" _I would never let them lay a hand on you-"_

" _I don't believe you."_

 _Dorian didn't know what to say to the boy to make him trust him. The only children that were ever around were Chaol and whatever other guests his father had invited to the castle. Dorian was usually with the adults. But children..._

" _But I guess I can try," the boy whispered low. "But you have to promise me you won't get mad at me..."_

 _"I promise," Dorian said._

" _I._.."

 _Dorian waited, but when the boy didn't continue he said,_ " _It's okay, you can tell me."_

 _The boy's face showed great distress. He took a deep breath and looked around the kitchen. Relieved when none of the servants were around and said, "my father caught me again..."_

" _Doing what?"_

 _The boy looked down towards his bare feet. "Holding Johnny Killano's hand."_

" _He... he beat you because he caught you with another boy?"_

 _The boy finally looked up at him and nodded. "But I swear... I'll never do it again, I know it's not right. I know it's not what normal boys do and that it's awful and that there is something really wrong with me and-"_

 _Dorian shook his head, his curls falling into his eyes. He smiled at the boy. "It's okay," he said. "There is nothing wrong with you."_

 _The boy paused and looked at Dorian. Then the boy began to cry. "But there is something wrong with me. I'm not supposed to feel this way towards boys. I... my papa hates me. He said that he has to beat it out of me because it isn't right. He told me I shouldn't exist, that I'm... I'm not his son if.. if I like boys and..."_

 _The boy stopped. Dorian waited to see if the boy would say more._

 _And he did._

" _It's not that I don't like girls..." he whispered. "I like them too but..." The boy looked at his fox. "There is something terribly wrong with me..."_

 _Dorian reached forward and squeezed the boy's hand. "Nothing is wrong with you. You are perfect the way you are, don't you ever forget that."_

 _The boy smiled through his tears._

" _What's your name?"_

" _Milo_."

" _Nice to meet you, Milo. I'm Dor-"_

 _Milo shook his head but continued to smile. "You're prince Dorian."_

 _Dorian nodded._

 _Milo looked down at his empty plate and then asked, "in your kingdom is there a... a law that— that says I can't be with a boy...?"_

 _Dorian looked at his feet. "Not when I'm king. I promise."_

" _My papa said that boys who are like me... that they... they are worthless and...and that we are nothing..."_

" _Then you haven't met Aedion Ashyver," Dorian said._

" _Who?"_

 _Dorian smiled, knowing that if Aedion heard his next words he would never hear the end of it. "He is one of the bravest warriors I have ever known... and he's like you. He's far from worthless. He's actually quite incredible. Just like you."_

 _The boy was beaming now. "Really? A warrior like me?"_

" _Just don't tell him I said he was incredible," he said. "And he's not a warrior yet. But he wants to be. He likes to practice with swords and stuff. He ain't that great though."_

 _The boy laughed, his face full of dried tears. "I won't."_

 _Dorian smiled at the boy. It felt good to smile. To have some relief. It's been days since he had any... he wondered what Chaol was doing. Where exactly he went after his father had sent him away._

" _I'm nine," the boy said. "How old are you?"_

" _Nine_."

 _Milo nodded. He then looked at his hands. "I've never had an actual friend before..." he whispered._

 _Dorian smiled._

* * *

Dorian watched as Manon ran her hand down the scales of her wyvern's wings. Abraxos sniffed at her stomach and she gently pushed him away—whispering something low.

Dorian turned to walk away but then stopped when he heard her voice. Barely a whisper. "Don't go."

* * *

 _"Don't go," Milo said. A pirate hat atop his head. "I think–I think I see..." he licked his lips and smiled. "Mermaids."_

 _Dorian laughed and fell to the ground. He been trying to get Milo into the water all afternoon. The day was hot and Dorian wanted to swim._

 _Milo had suggested they pretend to be pirates and seek out buried treasure, but soon Dorian had gotten bored of the game._

 _"Just a quick dip," Dorian said._

 _Milo frowned and shook his head._

 _Dorian sighed. "But why not?"_

 _"Because..."_

 _Dorian waited._

 _"Because I can't swim."_

 _"I can always teach you. Chaol taught me to swim when I was younger, something about how I might need to save some damsel in distress someday," he added while fluttering his lashes._

 _Milo laughed but still shook his head. "Can we just sit by the water instead?"_

 _Dorian eyed the fresh water and sighed. "Okay, how about I go in and you can sit at the edge?"_

 _Milo considered this for a moment. "But what if you need help and I can't save you?"_

 _"I can always float."_

 _Milo nodded hesitantly and went to sit at the edge._

 _Dorian took off his shirt and his pants, leaving only his underwear. He entered the pool and smiled at its freshness. "You sure you don't want to come in?"_

 _"Positive."_

 _They were both quiet for several minutes until Milo decided to ask Dorian about his family._

 _Dorian shrugged. "What's there to know."_

 _"You live in a glass castle, Dorian. You have servants. You have girls who fling themselves at you—there is so much to know."_

 _Dorian leaned backward and floated on his back. "Okay then, what do you want to know?"_

" _Your family, you never talk about them."_

 _Dorian shut his eyes against the sun. "You never really talk about yours."_

 _"Yeah, But you know my dad is abusive..."_

 _Dorian turned his head to the side, leaving one good ear for hearing. "And my dad is... he's something else."_

 _"Is it true, that's there's such a place as Endovier? That your father keeps slaves."_

 _Dorian slowly opened his eyes and sat up at that. The water around him rippling. "I—I think there is... I mean, I'm not really sure..."_

 _Milo remained silent. Dorian was cautious when he met his eyes._

 _"I don't like your father," he said._

 _"Neither do I," Dorian whispered._

 _Milo looked down at the ground. "If your father ever found out about... about me, would he send me to Endovier?"_

 _"I don't know."_

 _"And you... what would you do?"_

 _Dorian opened his mouth but then closed it._

 _What would he do?_

 _Dorian got out of the water and sat next to Milo. His body sticking to the ground and getting dirt in places there should never be dirt._

 _"Milo, this—this thing with boys..."_

 _Milo's head snapped up. "It's not a 'thing'."_

 _"I know, it's just. Can't you just be with girls? I mean, you said so yourself, that you liked them and—"_

 _Milo stared at him for serval moments and then got up. Walking away from Dorian._

 _"Wait!" Dorian shouted. Following him. His feet getting poked by sharp twigs._

 _Milo rounded on him, nearly sending Dorian tumbling. "No! No, I can't just like girls! It's not something I can just decide! I can't decide who I love, I just do. And I thought you out of everyone understood that."_

 _"I'm sorry," Dorian said. "I do understand-"_

 _"No, you don't. You don't understand at all."_ _Milo turned to go but he stopped when Dorian whispered his name._

 _"Don't go," he said. "I want to understand. I'm sorry if I said something wrong, and I don't want to hurt your feelings that way ever again. Please. I want to understand... you're my friend. You and Chaol are my only friends. "_

 _Milo sat on the ground and cocked his head for Dorian to join him. And so he told him._

* * *

Dorian sat beside her. His eyes watching the sun go down. But then he felt the back of her hand against his. The hairs on his arms rising. He turned to look at her but she didn't turn to look at him.

Dorian remained still as she gently and slowly threaded her hand through his.

They stayed like that for some time. Watching the sun make way for the moon. Saying nothing. But together.

* * *

" _Don't hurt him. Please. I'll do anything. Please," Dorian begged through his tears as another lash made contact with Milo's skin. "Please."_

 _But Dorian was forced to watch. He had begged and screamed for the guards to let Milo go—for his father to stop his cruelty. But Dorian wasn't king, and so the lashes came._

* * *

 _Dorian promised himself to never speak of his friendship with the boy. He could never tell Chaol what happened. Dorian was a coward who stood by and watched as his friend was beaten and then taken away._

 _His father didn't say where he was taking Milo, but if the things people said about his father were true, then Milo was headed for Endovier._

 _He had to get him out. He had to save him. He..._

 _He felt the warm tears fall down his face. He didn't think it was possible to cry so much—to miss somebody so much._

 _His heart hurt and all he wanted was his friend. The boy with the fox._

 _Dorian covered his mouth to keep the screams that started to escape from him._

 _He did not get out of bed._

* * *

Dorian was wide awake when he felt her warm lips press against his bare back. Her hands gently sliding up his waist.

He had heard her when she entered the room. Her warm body slipping under the covers behind him.

Dorian listened to her breathing. Felt her lashes against his skin when she blinked.

Manon brushed her lips against his shoulder. The back of his neck.

Slowly Dorian turned towards her. His lips hovering over hers. His eyes holding her golden ones. She held his gaze for several beats but then buried her head between his neck and shoulder.

Dorian held her close and ran his hands gently through her white hair.

Dorian's heart broke when he felt the warm tears run down her face and land on his skin.

Dorian didn't realize he was crying until she looked up at him and ran her fingers under his eyes. Wiping away his tears as he wiped away hers with the pads of this thumbs.

She opened her mouth several times to speak but then closed it. He said her name in a whisper.

She ran her finger along his lower lip, parting them. Dorian reached for her hand and pulled it to his mouth. Placing a kiss on her palm.

"It's nobody's fault. These things just happen," she whispered to herself as Dorian placed another kiss to her palm. "I can't sleep. I can't stop seeing his face. I couldn't hold him, I'm sorry... I couldn't."

He kissed her temple. "It's okay, my love. That's okay." He cupped her face and cautiously brought her lips to his, gently kissing her. After a moment she broke away.

"Can I sleep here tonight?" she asked, her eyes heavy. Tired.

"Always."

She leaned forward to kiss the tip of his nose. "Thank you," she whispered.

They didn't speak for the rest of the night. There was still so much to say, so much that they were both holding in. But for tonight, just holding each other, it was enough. It was everything.

* * *

 _The letter came years later. It didn't have a name but Dorian knew who it was from._

 _Dorian,_

 _I'm writing this quickly and hope by some miracle that this letter makes it to you. I'm no longer being held, the day I was to be put to death a prisoner helped me break free. I can't tell you where I'm located but I can say that I am happy and safe. I meet someone that gives me hope and loves me for who I am. He is enough. He is everything. I hope that one day our paths may cross again, my dear friend. But until then I hope that you find happiness in your life._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Your dearest friend_

 _P.S. The prisoner that helped me was a girl by the name Celaena_ _Sardothien. I owe her a debt and pray that there is someway you could help me break her free._


	17. Chapter 17

**The Witch and the King**

 _In an empty field, the witch with the bluest of blood and the king with the bluest of eyes held hands. They had spent the night before tangeled together, but now they would have to part._

 _"Are you scared?"_

 _He nodded._

 _"Me too," she whispered._

* * *

Manon sat at the edge of the small bed. She didn't want to wake him. It was still too early and the purple hollows under his eyes told her of the hell he had gone through these past couple of days.

 _She didn't want to wake him. She didn't want to wake him. She didn't want to wake him_.

So she watched him sleep. The heaviness of his thick lashes. The fullness of his pink lips. The edge of his jaw. His dark hair that curled at the tips and framed his face.

A boy. A boy of only twenty who had come to mean so much to her in such a short amount of time. A boy who had to face so many horrors and carried them all with a kind smile. A boy who had grown up with parents who didn't realize what a wonderful, beautiful son they had. A boy who had to watch the woman he loved be killed in front of him—still battled with himself and his feelings, wondering if she ever really loved him or if it was all just a betrayal. A boy who was silenced by a collar. A boy who had come to her to forget it all. Who had wanted to lose himself in her. Who had seen the monster that lurked inside of her and still decided to hold her hand.

But would he still hold it? After everything that had happened—would he still hold it and place a kiss there like her hands were not stained with blood? Like nothing was wrong?

And there was always that possibility that he could wake up and just decide he didn't want to do this anymore. That he preferred something else. Life would be much more simple if he did. And Manon knew. She felt it deep in her bones that there was a possibility that she might never be able to carry a child to full term. And to try again would be...

No. Manon didn't want to try again. She didn't want to try again and Dorian—what would he do?

Most witches weren't forced to have witchlings, and it wasn't looked down upon if you didn't have any—but it was something that if you did would gain you honor like no other. Of course, it was different for wingleaders, but Manon hadn't worried too much about it then because having a witchling wasn't something that she had put on her list of things _she_ was going to do. Wingleaders, unlike the other witches, were forced to sleep with the most worthy of warriors to produce the strongest of heirs, and it was something that she knew she would eventually have to do. But her grandmother, the matron, who often was the one that made this pairing never spoke of it with Manon. A word was never said about it so Manon never mentioned it.

Manon still had a hard time stomaching what she felt towards her grandmother. Her grandmother had killed her own daughter and then raised Manon to be a weapon. And despite the abuse her grandmother had put her through, she still felt like there was something deep inside of her that still wanted to hear her praise. Perhaps it was the decades of abuse that made her feel like she was still chained to her. It wasn't easy to shake off. And what would her grandmother say because she had given birth to a stillborn?

When you gave birth to a stillborn—it brought shame. It was the reason witches would be branded with 'unclean' on their stomachs. It was a practice that Manon knew firsthand because of Asterin, but not one that she had seen many witches share with others. And perhaps if she had met these other witches it wouldn't feel like she had done something wrong—she knew she hadn't; she didn't have control of a thing like this, but growing up in a place that made her feel like she was responsible made her feel awful all the same.

And what of Dorian? He was raised in a palace that groomed him so perfectly to marry and raise children. A kingdom that would whisper amongst themselves and place bets on when he would impregnate his young wife. But if he stayed with Manon that day might never come; a kingdom would be holding its breath for some announcement. And Dorian? Would he tire of hearing people on the streets wonder why a child hadn't come out of it? She's seen young brides be replaced in past kingdoms before; seen kings take multiple wives.

And Manon. Manon never thought that her role in life was just to have some man's child. She had trained with some of the fiercest warriors and grew up in a violent place where she had learned how to strangle a man with her bare hands and not cry. But the thoughts were still there. The w _hat ifs_. _What if he still wants children? What if he wants to try again? What if? What if? What if?_

Manon wasn't ready to be touched in the most intimate way again—and she wasn't sure when she would be ready. And how long would he wait? When _was_ the right time to touch each other in that way again? She knew she didn't owe him anything in that way. That it was her body and her decision on the when and if ever—but still, the thoughts remained.

"Dorian," she finally whispered. "Dorian, I need you to wake up."

She pressed a hand to his cheek and slowly his eyes fluttered open. For a moment his eyes held hers, a faint smile appearing on his lips. But then he fully woke and looked at the spot where she should have been sleeping.

"Manon," he said, sitting up in a panic. He pressed a hand to her cheek and searched her face. Took a scan of her body. He again looked at the spot next to him, understanding setting down on him. "I'm sorry," he said, resting his head on her shoulder in defeat. Remembering a time when it was someone else's blood. "I saw the blood and I just thought... "

She placed a hand over his heart and felt his heart go from beating frantically to the solid silence she hated. "Why do you do that to your heart?" she whispered.

He looked up at her and thought for a moment. But his only reply was, "we need to change the sheets."

She nodded. She had already changed her clothing and cleaned herself, and because she wasn't used to sleeping next to someone when she got it, she didn't quite know how to talk about it.

Manon stood as Dorian got up. She went to take off the sheet but Dorian gently placed his hands over hers and did it. "I'll be back," he said, taking the sheet with him.

He returned several moments later with a clean sheet and began to put it on the bed. "My mother never let me put sheets on my bed," he whispered. "She said that future kings must show their power by having others do it for them." He shook his head. "Little does she know that I never let the servants even enter my room."

Once he was done he sat on the bed and covered himself with the blanket. He opened one side of it, meeting her eyes and slightly asking her to join him.

She climbed in. Rested her head on his chest as he covered her. She could tell he wanted to say something but that he stopped himself. Instead, he pulled her closer to him. His body warm and solid. Safe.

"It's raining," she whispered to break the silence.

He nodded. "It might be better to leave the day after tomorrow..."

She shook her head. "We can't put it off any longer. We have to leave."

He nodded and leaned into her. "Does your stomach hurt?"

"Yes."

Dorian raised his hand and met her eyes. She nodded and he gently rolled over to lay on his stomach and placed his hand under her shirt and on her belly. The magic in his hand heating her stomach and soothing her. He caressed his hand against her with such gentleness that she knew what he was thinking of...that he was thinking about how not that long ago his child had been in there.

Manon rested her hand on his shoulder. Listened to the rain and his breathing. The thrum of his beating heart that he allowed her to now feel.

She watched as his eyes slowly closed. His hand still on her stomach. "How much does it hurt?" he whispered gently against her neck.

"Like my grandmother slicing me open."

He opened his eyes at that. "Really?"

She shook her head and smiled faintly, "not to that extent, but it does hurt."

He closed his eyes again and continued to caress her stomach. The tip of Manon's fingers running along his spine and up into his hair.

"Aelin nearly bit off my hand once when I told her that it wasn't that bad," he said. "I mean, I know it was probably bad, but I was hoping to get a smile out of her. Perhaps make her laugh."

"Did she?"

"I don't remember."

"For witches, it only happens every several years and lasts only for several days. It's hard to keep track of it because after several years you forget when was the last time you had it."

"Do you want me to make you something? I've learned some things from when I used to work with..."

Manon shook her head. "Perhaps in the morning. But thank you. "

He remained quiet for several moments and Manon thought he had perhaps fallen asleep, but then he said, "do you think he found her?"

"He will," she whispered.

Dorian nodded gently into her skin.

"Dorian?" she whispered.

"Yeah?"

 _Not yet._

"Nothing."

He raised his head and looked up at her. Their eyes locking. She moved one of his curls that hung over his brow. "It's nothing," she repeated.

 _Not yet. She couldn't talk to him about it yet._

When she didn't continue Dorian turned his head and rested his cheek against her neck. She ran one hand through the back of his head to massage his scalp, the other trailing up and down his bare back.

"Manon..." he stopped.

"Yeah?"

"Nothing," he whispered.

But it was not nothing. It was something that was eating up at them, crawling behind their eyelids while they slept. It was dark and painful—and perhaps it was the dark that made her brave and gave her the courage to finally say some of her truths.

She pressed her lips gently to his ear and held him close."He died," she whispered, so quietly."He died and in those few moments when I could have held him I wasn't there. I couldn't hold him and make it okay. I was supposed to be his mother and I couldn't get myself to hold him. And now there is nothing. He is gone. He is gone and I will never get that chance. And just everything keeps going on. Everything in this world still goes on without him like it didn't matter. I go on. We both go on. And I know that there have been witches that have lost their witchlings and just moved on so quickly and don't feel any sorrow, but my heart..." She paused. "But my heart hurts. It's the thought that he could have had your curls. Your beautiful eyes. Your smile. It's the thought of everything that could have been—and I can't stop picturing him. And I know that it is done and missing something that didn't really have a chance to live isn't a way to move forward...but he was so small..."

She closed her eyes for a moment and listened to Dorian's breathing. "And I just wanted this one thing. I wanted to have this one beautiful thing with you. I wanted to share this experience with you and to make us both happy. But I know now that a child can't do that—even if he had lived. But there was just so much I hoped for. To have a piece of you and me in this world. I was hoping that everything would be fine. And I just...I just hoped."

"I hoped too," he whispered. "I hoped that he would be okay and that he would live and that we would have a family after the war was done. But you are right, a child wouldn't fix us, Manon. And sometimes a family can just be two people." He lifted his head to look at her. Placed a soft kiss on her cheek. "You are my family, Manon, and yes my heart is broken because I also wanted to have a piece of you and me in this world. And yes, to have had a child with you would have made me happy, but that is not the only way to make ourselves happy."

Manon closed her eyes, felt him kiss her cheek again. She whispered, "Did you get to hold him?"

When he didn't respond she opened her eyes to look at him. He was watching her. He detangled himself from her arms and sat back on his knees, looking at his hands. He nodded.

Manon sat up and took his hands in hers. Pulling them to her lips and kissing his palms. "I need to thank my lucky stars for you," she murmured. "For everything that you are. For all the stardust that came together long ago to make you. For watching over you and bringing you to me. There will never be another you, Dorian. I am so utterly thankful for you."

He rubbed his nose against hers; shook his head and rested it on her shoulder, pulling her into an embrace. Manon ran her hands down his back. Soothing him."Sometimes I only want you to see my favorite parts of me," he murmured on her skin. He kissed her shoulder. "I'm the one who needs to thank their lucky stars," he whispered."I need to thank them every day for you. I fear that one day you will realize that you deserve way more than I can give you and–"

"You already give me everything I could want," she said, bringing the palm of his hand to her lips again. "But I need to know where we stand. I need to know what happens next and how you feel about certain things moving forward. Dorian, I don't want to try again. I don't think I can. I don't think I want to."

He looked down at the sheets for a moment. He took her hand and placed a kiss there. "I understand."

"You understand, but how do you feel? Honestly."

"Honestly?"

She nodded.

"I feel the same way you do. I don't want to try again, but I know things change in the future and once the war is over we might feel differently. I just...I don't want you to be angry at me if in the future it is something I would like to try again...with you. But I will not force you, Manon. If the time ever comes to have this conversation again and it's not something you want I won't push it."

"And what will happen then?"

"And if you don't want children I will still love you with everything I have. I will respect your choice and still stand by your side—If you will have me."

She leaned forward and kissed him then. "I will want you always, Dorian Blackbeak."

He intertwined his hands with hers. "And I will love you always, Manon Havilliard."

"There's something I want to do before we leave. Will you come with me?"

He nodded and kissed her.

* * *

 _"I'll be with you," she whispered. "As long as I can I will be there beside you."_

 _He brought her hand to his lips. "You are my sword," he whispered._

" _And you are my shield," she whispered back._

 _"I love you, witchling."_

 _"I love you, princeling."_

* * *

Manon entered the healer's kitchen.

The old woman was alone, her hands mixing toxins for her clients. Her long gray hair wrapped in intricate braids.

"Leaving today and come to say goodbye?"

Manon nodded. "I wanted to thank you for everything you have done for us. For me. For Dorian. For my girls. Thank you." She made a sign with her hand that held meaning for witches. "I'm in your debt," she continued. "If there is anything you need you need only ask."

The healer finishing mixing and raised her brow at Manon.

"Manon Blackbeak," the healer crooned, shaking her head. "You are going to be one of hell of a queen." She clicked her tongue. "I don't need anything from you other than a promise. One that promises that when you are queen you will understand the struggles of your people and do your best to do what is right for them."

"How will I know," Manon said. "How will I know what is right for them? "

"Just promise me to listen. You will make mistakes at times, but at least promise me you will always listen."

Manon nodded. Looked at the little jars of powder lined up against the wall. When Manon turned back to face the healer she placed two different bags in Manon's hands. "This one," she said, pointing to the black bag, "is to prevent pregnancy. And the blue bag is to help if you wish to make a child. It's for both of you."

"Thank you," Manon whispered, tucking the bags away. She turned to leave but paused at the threshold and turned back. "Do you think it's possible, to try again?"

* * *

 _And there was blood everywhere. Hands were coaxed with it. The field filled with rotting bodies._

 _The king's face was covered in blood. Relying on his sword once he drained his magic._

 _The witch's hair was drenched with it. Relying on her iron nails once her sword broke._

 _And when their eyes met... they ran. Colliding with one another. Their arms holding the other one close._

 _Whispered words._

 _"I know how this ends."_

 _"Don't."_

 _"I'm dying."_

 _"You can't."_

 _"I'm sorry."_

 _"Please."_

 _"I love you."_

 _"Stay."_

 _Their lips hovered. Barely touching._

 _"You're breaking my heart."_

 _A broken sob._

 _"I'm sorry."_

 _Their lips touched._

 _"Stay with me."_

 _"I will."_

* * *

They traveled for days. Their wyverns always remaining close by when they needed to take to the skies. Manon had said her goodbyes to Elide, trusting the warrior fae to keep her close.

Elide wasn't a child, and Elide had argued with Manon beforehand about how she could take care of herself— and she was right. Manon knew Elide could protect herself. She was capable of many things, and so Manon let her go. It wasn't an easy thing for her, but she didn't own Elide—no one did.

But she saw how she clung to the fae and how what had happened to the Queen of Terrasen had changed them. Manon didn't ask questions but she knew that something important had happened between the fae and Elide to rekindle their relationship.

And since it was Elide's life, Manon knew that she could make up her own mind on who she loved and who she wanted to share a life with. And Elide chose Lorcan.

* * *

In the end, the only ones who knew about the stillborn prince were Asterin, Dorian, and Manon. Manon didn't feel like sharing what she went through with others just yet, and Asterin and Dorian both supported that decision.

 _Dorian_.

She caught herself having to look away from him so many times these past several days. Knowing that all eyes were on her reaction to him. She knew the girls liked to gossip, but it wasn't anything she wanted to feed at the moment. The goal was to find the last key. This was what they needed. This was all that mattered.

They had found a patch of empty land to train in the forest. The sun beating down on them.

Dorian sat in a corner under a tree. Observing.

She was sparring with Asterin when suddenly she stopped, sweat running down her temple. "He should join us," she said.

Asterin turned and looked over to where Dorian sat. Turned back to look at Manon. "How well trained is he?"

Manon looked at her sword. "I don't know" she whispered. "I know his magic is untouchable, but as for his other training..." She looked up to look at Dorian who was now watching Faline and Fallon fight.

"Should I give it a try first?"

"Please," Manon said.

She watched as Asterin made her way over to him. Grinning like a cat. "Up, up, up, _princeling."_

* * *

 _The witch's hair wrapped around them._

 _The king's arms tightly held both their bodies close._

 _"Please don't cry."_

 _"I'm sorry."_

 _Their lips touched again._

 _"You are my sword."_

 _"You are my shield."_

 _The king kissed her forehead._

 _The witch placed her hands on his chest._

 _"I have to go now."_

 _"Please."_

 _"I'm sorry."_

 _"You're saying goodbye. Please don't say goodbye."_

 _"I love you."_

 _"Please."_

* * *

Manon had watched while they trained. He had perfect form but compared to her girls he clearly needed more training.

She watched him now as he took a drink of water. Sweat running down his body. A cut on his cheek. Bruises forming along his skin.

She walked towards him and he smiled faintly. "Are you okay?"

He chuckled. "I thought Rowan was bad, but Asterin is a force of nature."

"She's not that bad."

He raised his brow. "And I wonder...what would training with Manon be like?"

"You would want to train with me?"

He nodded.

She stared at him. Picked up her sword and nodded toward the field where the other witches were still training.

He followed.

* * *

 _His head rested on her blood-soaked lap._

 _Her hands cradling his neck._

 _Her hand reached to touch his face once more._

 _The last time their lips would touch._

 _That kiss._

 _Those loving eyes._

 _That beautiful soul._

 _"Hello..."_

 _A sad smile._

 _"Hello..."_

 _His life was draining from his body._

 _His heart slowed._

 _His eyes flicked shut._

 _And with one last breath..._

 _He died._

* * *

"Again?" She said as she pinned him underneath her.

He nodded.

She never placed her sword anywhere near his throat, knowing that he might react wrongly to it. But she did pin him down long enough for him to know that if she had put her sword there he would be dead. There were many ways for someone to attack, and she wanted Dorian to know all of them.

"Again."

* * *

Dorian was removing his shirt when Manon saw the deep purple bruise that ran all along his shoulder.

"Did I hurt you?" she whispered.

Dorian laughed quietly and shook his head, "No, but Asterin might have."

"Do you want to go again?"

"Yes."

* * *

She started to recognize his tells. It scared her how easy she could disarm him. In a fight, Dorian wouldn't be able to hold his own. He would die.

"Again?"

He nodded.

* * *

And it went on like this for days.

They would travel on foot and between stops train. Manon always pushing Dorian to his limits. His body under her. "And just like that," she said, "you are dead."

He closed his eyes, his breathing harsh. "Let's go again."

* * *

Manon was frustrated and was having a hard time keeping her mood under control.

The sun was blazing and once again Dorian was under her. " _Again_. _Dead," she bit out._

He closed his eyes, and because no one else was around, she gently reached out and smoothed the skin between his brows. "I'm sorry," she said.

He shook his head. "Again."

* * *

And she watched him as he trained. Watched as Asterin taught him new techniques that he would then try on Manon. Watched as he would wander off in the night and practice alone.

He was better than when he first started, but still, in a fight, he would lose.

She heard him humming to himself as he played with a flame that was on the tip of his finger. But then he stopped it with a flick of his hand and began to do the drills Asterin had taught him.

* * *

Manon made Dorian fight with each of the thirteen—making damn sure he knew every skill he could possibly learn.

Manon heard Dorian's blade clash with Lin's but she did not turn to watch, she herself was in a middle of her own session. Her blade coming in contact with Imogen's over and over again.

But just hearing Dorian's blade clash with Lin's gave her hope. Hope that if anything happened to Dorian's power he could defend himself with his sword now. That he had trained enough to block a blow from a decade old witch warrior.

And because half her focus was on Dorian, Manon Blackbeak, deadliest of her kind, did not see the strike that was aimed by Fallon, but before she could block the blow with her sword, Fallon was tossed back by strong invisible hands.

Manon heard several swords drop to the ground and when she looked up, her thirteen were being held back, their mouths open in shock.

Quickly Dorian let them go. "I'm sorry," he whispered to them. "I'm so–"

But then Asterin laughed, and soon after so did the others. "What else can you do?"

* * *

And so it was Asterin that encouraged his fighting with magic. "His power is endless, Manon. He needs to train it. That is what he should be—"

" _Enough_."

"But Manon-"

"Look, I know. But I need him to be able to use a sword in case that magic of his runs out—if it tires him I want him to be able to have something to fall back on. And he can't always control it, and I wouldn't even know how to train that type of magic."

"Then we must find someone who can."

Manon looked up at the sky and then to her wveryn that was cuddled against Asterin's.

So she agreed.

* * *

She watched as he closed his eyes against the sun. A flame flickering in his open palm. When he opened his eyes the flame turned into ice, solid and sharp.

"What else?" Asterin asked. "What about healing?"

Dorian thought for a second. "Well, I was able to heal myself against one of your blades. I was able to stop a creature from attacking us once, so perhaps I also have strength. Maybe super hearing-"

"What about immortality?" she asked. "Will you stop aging?"

Dorian shrugged. "I'm not sure," he said, his eyes darting to Manon.

Asterin nodded and turned to Manon. "I noticed that the times I used Manon as bait your power protects her without you even lifting a finger. Your eyes don't even move..."

"It just..." he looked at the ground. "I'm not sure exactly, but it seems like my magic just does what it wants when it comes to Manon. Like it knows what to do before I do, if that makes any sense."

Asterin nodded. "Okay, so from now on we train with Manon far away. She's a distraction. We'll see how that goes and then we'll bring her back later."

* * *

And so he trained with Asterin in the mornings and at night he trained with her.

And in the nights they would fall asleep apart, but in the mornings they would wake up tangled in one another. It was becoming harder to hide what they were to each other. Harder to keep pretending. So when Dorian got close and her hand brushed his, she let her hand slip into his, not caring who saw. And when Dorian brought her knuckles to his lips she did not stop him.

* * *

Manon laid back and let the sun hit her face. She felt a shadow pass and knew that it was Dorian. Sweat dripping down his temple and his shirt clinging to his skin. He had just finished his training with Asterin and from the sight of him, he had fought hard.

He walked over to the river and stopped at the edge. Turned to look at her. His cheeks pink. "Can I—"

Manon nodded.

And so he began to unbutton his white shirt, revealing tanned skin. He unlatched his belt and began to tug off his pants. Then once he was completely bare he sank into the water.

Manon watched him as he created ripples in the water with his movements. He brushed his hair back and cupped the strands that fell behind his ears. His hair was getting long.

After he scrubbed he took his clothes into the water and began to wash them. Hung them out to dry and then sat next to her as he waited.

Dorian leaned back and Manon rested her head on his chest. Her cheek making contact will his cool skin. "Dorian?"

"Yeah," he said, playing with a strand of her hair.

"Remember what I said about witches and not having mates?"

"Yeah."

"What if I was wrong? Do you think it's possible that we are mated?"

"Would you want to be mated?" he whispered.

She sat up and hovered over him. Her long hair brushing his chest. "I've been doing a lot of thinking and I'm not sure I would want to," she whispered. Dorian slighlty turned his head away but she gently cupped his face back towards her with her fingers. "I love you, Dorian. But I would rather have you because I decided. If you were my mate we would never had any choice."

He nodded. His face still in her hands. "I think I understand. I mean it would have been like if we were just born to be with each other, and I don't think we deserve that. You don't deserve that. You might be the star in my universe, Manon. But you were not made to please me or just be my other half. Maybe we all have it wrong, like we say 'other half' but like that implies that we are not whole on our own."

"So you're not mad then?" she asked.

"Why would I be mad?"

"Dunno, I just thought it would be something you might want."

He reached up and brushed her cheek. "I've been thinking too, Manon."

"Mind sharing your thoughts?"

"Well, my first thought is that I love you. And my second is that I am so happy to be your choice."

She smiled at that and Dorian eyes widened. She traced her finger along his lower lip and smiled wider. The first geniune smile she's had in who knows how long.

"And," he continued. "I think we are both changing. I think we both are discovering who we want to be and who we want to be to each other. We might not have gotten it right always, but we have learned, and I hope will continue to learn. We will have fights, but we will learn from them. We will have times when we are so happy and nothing can bring us down. But we will also have times when we want to be on our own and stand on our own—and that's okay. And I want you to tell me when I have done something to upset you or—"

"I didn't like what you told me in the cabin when we were on the ship. That all that mattered was what was between my legs."

"I didn't like what I said either, and I suppose saying sorry wouldn't make that okay, would it?"

Manon shook her head. "No."

He nodded his head slightly and then she leaned down and kissed him. It was meant to be chaste but when she didn't stop, neither did he. Her hands moving to his hair, her tongue brushing against his.

She was breathing hard when he pulled away. "I don't want to go any further than this."

"Okay," he whispered, and then she kissed him again.

* * *

It was quiet.

She turned to look behind her but no one was there. She tilted her head and listened again.

Once they had ventured deep into the woods she had everyone split. But this was not a quiet of peace. Something had gone wrong.

Manon turned a corner and her heart stopped.

Dorian. Dorian with a blade through his chest and his mouth filled with blood.

She was trembling as she walked towards him. But then in a blink of an eye, he disappeared. Manon stepped back.

The forest was playing tricks on her.

She wiped her eyes and reached for her blade. Turned to her right and saw that Asterin was walking towards her.

She had almost ran to her but stopped when she noticed that Asterin was pulling out a child from her stomach. Tearing at the flesh and having blue blood drip to the ground.

This was not Asterin.

Manon slowly walked back and away. She felt something crawl up her leg and when she looked down she noticed that a black vine was wrapping itself around her.

"No," she whispered. Trying to cut at it with her blade. "No no no no no no no."

But then it pulled at her and Manon was knocked to the ground. She tried to kick herself away but with every movement, the vine pulled.

Manon clawed at the ground, trying to pull herself out of its grip. She turned and then stilled.

Golden eyes watching her. Long white hair braided.

"Hello, Manon," the thing said.

It... it was her?

"Do you remember me?" The thing asked. Goddess, It even sounded like her.

Manon felt a vine snap around her wrist and again Manon began to pull.

"Played me for a fool you did," the thing laughed. "Now let's see how much of a fool our dear King is. He's around here, isn't he? Going through his own hell." Her golden eyes blinked. "Now I'm going to have my own fun with your... what is he to you?" She laughed.

"Enough," she heard a man say. His voice deep.

Manon looked up. The man was beautiful, but his eyes... she knew those eyes.

"Go have your fun," he said to the thing. To the stygian spider that now had her face.

Manon tried at the vines again but they weren't letting go.

She felt the man bend over her. She hissed at him.

But Erawan continued to bend until his lips were on hers. "I'll see you once more, my queen."

And then he disappeared.

Manon closed her eyes. Breathed in and out, and when she opened her eyes, the nightmare began.

* * *

When Manon awoke she was in a small makeshift bed. She tried to sit up but then winced. She turned to the side and noticed that there was a woman there.

"Where's Dorian?" Manon asked, her mouth dry. She must have been screaming. "Where's my thirteen?"

The woman walked till she was hovering over her. Manon recalled how Erawan had towered over her. How he had pressed his lips against hers. Manon pulled away.

But still, the woman did not speak. She titled her head to the side and continued to stare at Manon. But then her head went to the other side as if hearing something. Her sapphire eyes widening.

Manon watched her leave, and then after a moment followed.

Manon found her thirteen immediately but none of them seemed to want to talk. She had questioned Asterin but she merely shook her head.

They were searching the forest and were supposed to stay close, but the forest had tricked them. It had been enchanted. It had showed each of them a different kind of hell—and it had scared them.

But no. The kiss...the kiss was real. Erawan and the stygian spider had known their location, but yet they didn't attack—why?

She was still pondering this when she stopped and saw that Dorian was talking to the woman that had watched over her. Her hand was on his shoulder and Dorian was shaking his head. They looked as if they were arguing.

And then Dorian broke away.

Manon could see it in his face that he was angry, but when he spotted her he paused and just took the sight of her in.

He closed his eyes and tears began to slide down his cheeks.

Manon walked towards him and wrapped her arms around him—not caring who saw.

"I love you," she whispered into his ear. "I love you."

* * *

He was perched on the small bed, in the small hut that the woman had showed them.

His shirt was off and there were bruises that were all over his body. Dark circles under his eyes.

Manon sat beside him. Gently trailed a finger around the purple skin.

He didn't want to speak about the things he saw, but whatever did happen had scared him. She knew that spider had came to him, and that somehow he had made it back out like her.

And the woman had told him something that clearly had upsetted him. She could sense his anger in the way he held his body tense.

Manon's tip of her finger traced the shape of his ear. Trailed down his skin and across his cheek to part his lips.

She lightly pushed at his chest and Dorian laid back. They laid like that until they fell asleep.

* * *

They stayed several days to recover, and throughout it all Dorian had kept his distance from the raven haired woman, but unlike other days, today she decided to watch them train.

And so they did. Getting back into their routine and slowly letting the shock of what horrors they had seen leave them.

But today the woman spoke. And today she held out her hand so that a flame burned and then cooled into ice on her palm.

Manon's eyes flickered to Dorian's and she knew who this woman was and why Dorian was upset.

This woman was his birth mother.

* * *

Dorian sat on the bed as he spoke.

"I don't know," he said. "I mean I always suspected but..."

Manon wrapped her arms around him and he wrapped his arms around her waist. His head resting against her stomach.

He shook his head. "She made me believe I was hers. I'm not the rightful king..."

Manon tilted his head up and made him look at her. "Yes, you are. You are fighting for your kingdom like a king should. You care about these people, don't you?"

He nodded. "I need to speak to both of them. I need to know why."

She kissed his head and Dorian leaned into her.

"She wants to start training me," he whispered.

"And do you want to?" She whispered back.

He nodded.

And so he did.

* * *

Manon didn't intrude on their training sessions. But every time he would come to bed late at night she could tell that there was something that was bothering him. He didn't want to talk about it yet, and said that there were things that he just had to figure out. So Manon gave him his space.

* * *

They were leaving today and Manon waited with Abraxos as Dorian said goodbye to his mother.

She hadn't really met the woman and she didn't know what exactly Dorian had told her about their relationship.

When he was done saying his goodbyes he came to her and sat behind her. Wrapping his hand around her waist. Abraxos letting out a bored sigh.

"How'd it go?" She said.

"Adarlan," he replied. "We need to go to Adarlan."

Manon turned her head back to get a better look at him. "The witches..."

"I know," he said. "But my..." he shook his head. "She told me that what we are looking for might be there," he whispered. "And I think I know where it is."

"Adarlan is several days from here..." she said. "My grandmother and Iskara will be waiting for me... And so will Erawan."

* * *

In the night, they made camp in the woods. The weather was much to warm and everyone was sleeping in some state of undress.

Manon was about to shut her eyes when she heard a noise.

She sat up and waited to hear it again. "Asterin...?"

Asterin sat up from where she was laying. "I heard it too."

Beside her, she felt Dorian shift. Rubbing at his eyes.

Slowly each and every one of her thirteen also became alert.

Manon took out her sword that she kept hidden and shook Dorian awake.

* * *

The man held his child. "You are not welcomed here," he said. "Your kind is never to set foot here."

Manon didn't know what to say. The man before her was a crochan witch. She had killed their princess—her sister.

"Sir," Dorian said beside her. "If—"

"You are not a crochan, nor a ironteeth..." the man said. "Who are you?"

Manon looked at Dorian and watched as he hesitated for a moment. "I'm the King of Adarlan," he said. "And–"

The man raised his hand. "You are the cruel prince?" He said. "The one who murdered many innocent people. And she is the witch that killed our princess."

Manon thought Dorian wasn't going to respond, but then he said, "we do not deserve your forgiveness, but it you will let—"

"I'm not the one you need to talk to," the man said. "The person you need to speak to is the Crochan Queen."

* * *

"Dorian, I can't do this," she said. "They will want my head. I killed her and I wasn't kind about it. I have killed so many crochans."

"Hey," he said, taking her shaking hand. "I promise everything will be alright. I promise you. I'll be beside you. All we have to do is talk to her—make her understand—"

"Understand what? That I killed her daughter? That I killed her people?"

"Do you trust me?"

"You know I do."

"It's going to be okay," he said. He raised her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles. "I promise you."

* * *

Manon and Dorian walked to where the rest of the thirteen were seated. Waiting for them to return from talking to the Crochan Queen.

Manon remained silent. The things the queen had said—all true. And Dorian... Dorian had acted like a king in there. And the queen... the look in her eyes while looking at Manon.

And this wouldn't be the last time she spoke to the queen. They made a deal, and so after the war, Manon would have to meet with her again. But she had given them what they needed to win this war.

* * *

The queen had allowed them to stay in rooms in the nearby village. Manon sharing a room with Dorian.

She pressed her lips to his while his hands tangled in her hair.

"I do want you again, Manon," he said. "I want all of you, but I don't want you to feel like we have to do this in order to show each other how much we love each other. I know that you love me."

"I think I'm ready," she whispered. "I know I want you."

His hands gently clutched at the fabric around her waist. "We only go as far as you want, my love. Just tell me to stop and I will."

She rubbed her nose against his and nodded.

He kissed her cheek. Her neck.

Manon reached over to the table that was beside the bed and took out the black bag that was amongst her things.

She pulled away from Dorian and opened it. Reached in and swallowed one of the leaves. "This is to prevent," she said.

She handed Dorian the bag and he reached in. Swallowing a leaf.

He placed the bag beside the bed and then reached over to brush her cheek.

Manon laid back down and brought Dorian's body over hers.

Slowly.

They would take it slowly.

* * *

 _The Queen and the King had traveled to Adarlan. Had found the last key and had brought it to this field._

 _The witch queen had taken lives here. And had also given another to her second. The blonde witch killing her grandmother with a single blow._

 _Her grandmother had told her things before she died. Had told her things that had made the witch queen hesitate. But now it was done._

 _And the man who had wanted her for his bride, who had made a deal with her grandmother so that she would raise the witch until she was ready to be his queen, was dead now too._

 _The witch queen had struck that blow._

 _But now it was done. Her blood and been spilled on this land. She had also yielded and had managed to still somehow be here._

 _All Enemies had been defeated._

 _The fire queen now stood tall, her husband beside her. The wolf next to his lover._

 _The witch looked down as_ _her whole world just died in her arms. Her love._

 _She whispered his name in his ear._ _"Come back."_

 _Tears falling down her cheeks._ _"Come back to me."_

 _Her lips pressed against his forehead._ _"Just come back. Come back to me."_

 _But he was not coming back. He was gone. He had done it. He had done the thing he had promised he wouldn't._

 _She felt hands wrap around her. It was the male she had met this morning. The one that had meant the world to the king. His tears landing in her hair._

 _Time passed and still, the witch did not leave his body. She turned to weep into the male's chest. Her wyvern letting out a cry above her._

 _They stayed like that for sometime until the male gently shook her. "Look," he whispered to her._

 _And so Manon did._

 _"Dorian?"_


	18. Chapter 18

**The Witchling And the Princeling**

Dorian slowly opened his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. It was happening more often - headaches that would wake him up in the middle of the night; headaches that made him want to carve out his skull or beat his head against a wall. It was one of the prices he had to pay for coming back.

He sighed and brushed the dark hair that was plastered to his face away. He must have fallen asleep waiting. A book laid out beside him; an open bottle of whiskey on his bedside table. He looked up. There was a large window behind his bed that reached up to the ceiling. He peered through the glass to look at the stars that burned brightly against the dark sky.

He was home. In Adarlan.

Not all had survived the war, and the screams of the dying still haunted him nightly. But it had been years now. Years since he had died on that battlefield, only to be brought back by Gavin. And still, he remembered everything so clearly. His death. The moments after. The promise he made to the gods in that dark other world.

He would not age, and so he would never die. It seemed like a blessing at first - to never age and gray; to never feel the ache of getting old, but life was cruel either way. Dorian would live, but he would have to watch his friends die. He had wanted to never turn another year older. He had wanted to never grow old and die. The gods had granted him that wish, but Dorian had not thought about the cons of his decision.

And then there was the issue of his rule. How long should he rule? Forever? Only one person knew of his immortality, but the others had already started planning for a future where Dorian didn't exist. His mother and his advisors hounding him for an heir. A wife. But even if he did pass along his reign to an heir, there was no guarantee that further down the line that heir would take advantage and misuse their power. Dorian had also thought about having a committee of people who voted on things, but the thought of people only voting for what benefited them also was a problem. Dorian was not Aelin, he didn't want to be the only person in charge. One person did not have all the answers; people could not rule by themselves.

As for his powers, nothing remained. When he thought of his powers his thought of the woman who had birthed him. He hasn't seen her since she had trained with him, and he had no way of contacting her. She was the only woman who had loved his father and had known him when he was not under the rule of a Valg. Who had birthed him out of love but had given him up so he could have a better life as a prince. Who had been able to have a child when the queen couldn't.

As for his mother, he hadn't told her about what he had found out in the woods. He wanted to, but he would lose heart every time he would see her reach across the table to hug him.

And then there was Hollin.

Hollin whose body and mind had been violated by a Valg for years. Hollin who wasn't a monster after all. Hollin who had such sadness in his eyes but did not want to talk about the things he had done or seen. Who shut Dorian out as a brother but not as a king. He wanted Hollin to know that he could talk to him, but Hollin did not want to share and so Dorian had to let him be.

There had been much to do in Adarlan. Everything had been damaged, but the people had come together to restore their home. And Dorian, well, he had spent every waking hour he could doing what was best for his people. Going to meetings to change laws. Visiting folks in the town. Listening to them and making sure that he would do everything in his power to help them out; sorting out the endless paperwork that scattered along his desk. It was a lot for one person, but people depended on him, and so Dorian got up every morning and did what had to be done.

But there were things that he could never admit openly. How numb he felt and how his smiles were fake. How he didn't want to get out of bed in the mornings. How he wanted the world to disappear; how he always carried a flask of whiskey with him. How in certain moments he wished he had never come back at all.

And every now and then he would get a letter from the Queen of Terrasen.

They hadn't seen each other since she was locked in the coffin, and even after the battle, there hadn't been time to converse. But in her letters, she talked about her fears, her anxiety, the sadness she sometimes felt. She admitted things that she couldn't tell Rowan, and so Dorian did the best he could to help her. Though he never spoke of his pain. He felt shame in it. And so only when he was completely and utterly alone, he would scream into his hand until his voice was dry and his chest ached.

There were times that he just felt so empty, that no amount of sex, or food, or whatever else people usually took pleasure in could fill it. And still there were times that life surprised him and he was so incredibly happy that he thought he had only dreamed of his emptiness, but once that moment passed it weighted down on him, and it was then that Dorian realized that this was an emptiness that might not ever go away. He wanted it to go away; he wanted it to go away so badly that he would often pray to the stars and begged them to make him better. But they never answered. They never did.

* * *

Dorian turned to his side and felt the piece of paper that was under his pillow. He pulled it out and looked at the drawing. Smiled when he realized who had drawn him and had snuck in here to give it to him.

It was moments like this that made him feel guilty but also gave him hope. That things would and could get better. That he didn't need to pray to the stars because everything he wanted was right here. That he would be okay. That everything will be okay.

* * *

When Dorian awoke a second time that night he was not alone, she was here. Her back turned toward him and her hair flowing and covering her face.

He reached over to brush her hair away and she turned toward him, a small smile on her lips. "Hello, princeling," she whispered.

It's been a couple weeks since he seen her and he had missed her terribly.

Very few people knew about his relationship with her, but that was only because when she had first visited Adarlan as the Queen of the Wastes, people had rioted on the streets. She had told Dorian this would happen and he hadn't listened to her, but to see the hatred that was being thrown her way had broke his heart. He assured people that they had nothing to fear from the witches, but they did not want to listen. She had told him people needed time to get used to the changes and that he needed the time to figure out what kind of king he wanted to be—that she needed to figure out what kind of ruler she wanted to be. And so they kept their relationship private and only within his walls. Dorian trusted the people he had appointed to serve him and so she came and went as she pleased.

His mother didn't know about Manon's night visits, but she had mentioned once during a meeting that he should marry the witch of the wastes and make heirs. He had wanted to tell her that he already was married to her, but instead, he had only remained quiet and just shook his head.

As for heirs, it was something Manon and Dorian had trouble with. He had seen the look on her face the night Chaol and Yrene's child was born, and that night she had asked him if he would like to try again, and Dorian had nodded.

And that night Manon had lead Dorian by the hand to his throne and had made love to him on it, their cries of pleasure echoing through the room.

But another year had passed and Manon, though she tried to remain patient, had grown frustrated. It also didn't help that Lorcan and Elide had started a family, or that Aelin and Rowan were expecting their second. After that their lovemaking had become a chore and it had caused a strain in their relationship, but they had talked about it and worked through it.

Two years after that Manon had a miscarriage; the year after that another one. She hadn't wanted to try after that. Hadn't wanted to sleep with him either. She had kept her distance for about a year, but a meeting that was held elsewhere caused them to cross paths and rekindle; now she came whenever she could get away, which wasn't often, but it would have to do.

He felt Manon reach up and gently press her lips against his, pull away and look at look at his bedside table. He saw the moment her golden eyes spotted the flask of whiskey. Her hand went to it and bought it to her nose to sniff. She looked at it for several seconds and then took a sip herself.

She had told him about how beautiful the wastes had become. The flowers that bloomed there and the villages that had been set up. The castle that had taken her breath away. But she didn't tell him about the politics of her land, but he heard rumors. And sometimes when she would come to him he could see the distress on her face and how the rumors might be true. He also knew that she was meeting with the woman who had been the Crochan queen. And after all these years, she still never wanted to talk about what happened to her thirteen. She hadn't wanted to talk about any of it.

He watched as she took another sip and then another. Watched as she picked up the paper drawing that was on his bed. She smiled. "He's turning into quite the artist."

"I don't know where he gets it from, Chaol can't draw."

She leaned back and took another sip. "Has she had the child?"

Dorian shook his head. The Westfalls were expecting their 5th child.

She nodded and took another sip.

He heard a knock at his door in the other room and he went to go open it. Came back to tell her that his advisors needed him and that he would be back. He told her to stay and she nodded, taking another drink.

* * *

When he came back it was early morning and Manon was still up. She was wearing one of his shirts and was still holding the drawing that Chaol's son had drawn.

Dorian kneeled beside the bed and rested his cheek on the mattress. "Some of the folks in town wanted to hang a man for stealing food. I stopped them from doing that. The man was only trying to feed his family. I sent a letter to a friend asking if there was work the man could do. I just have to wait for their response."

Manon putting the drawing to the side and stared up at the ceiling. "I hung a man," she whispered.

"I heard."

"He...did really bad things to...so I hung him. I did it myself."

"Do you regret it?"

She shook her head.

She looked over at him and slowly took off her shirt. She laid back and looked at him.

There was no curtain on the window behind his bed so the morning light hit Manon, causing her eyes to burn a light gold and her hair to turn a translucent white. She was so damn gorgeous.

"Yes," she whispered when he didn't move. Dorian knew that Manon often liked to sleep naked, just because she was undressed did not mean that it was an open invitation. But upon hearing her words he began to undress. The sun warming his skin.

He joined her on the bed and kissed her bare shoulder. Kissed the space between her breasts. Took her hand and kissed her fingertips.

She cupped his face and stroked his cheek. Brushed her hand through his dark hair and the curled tips that clung to his face.

He gently placed himself on top of her so that his lips hovered over hers. "I missed you," he mouthed.

She touched his lips with the tips of her fingers. "I love you," she mouthed back, her lips only a breath away from his. Her eyes wide.

Dorian leaned down and brushed his lips against hers. Deepened the kiss when she opened up for him. Their tongues colliding, the tip of him brushing against the soft folds of her. But he did not enter her yet.

She held his gaze as his finger trailed down, down, down. As his mouth trailed down, down, down.

"So open and pretty," he whispered to himself as he parted her folds with gentle fingers and bent down to taste her. His tongue circling and slipping into her. Lapping at all her corners, and sucking at her peak.

He nudged a finger inside and then another, hearing the catch in her breath when he did so; bucking against his mouth; hands threading into his hair. Her chest rising and falling while his tongue explored and his fingers stroked.

His lips trailed up while his fingers continued to play, kissing the fresh sweat that appeared between her breasts. He continued to kiss until her his lips were hovering over hers. He gently pressed his lips against hers while his other hand pulled out of her and guided himself inside.

Her eyes flickered shut, a soft moan escaping her lips.

He kept going until he could go no deeper, the nails of her fingers digging into his shoulders.

Dorian pulled all the way out and then pushed in. Her body moving with each thrust he made. He pulled back and kissed the inside of her knee, hooked her legs over his shoulders and entered her again.

Manon's breath caught. His chest pushed against her breast, his lips hovering over hers. No space between them.

She kissed him as his pace quickened, her golden eyes open and looking up him. He groaned and she murmured softly against his lips.

She cupped his face and he continued to move, her body trembling against his. Her muscles clenching tight.

He hid his face in the crook of her neck. His hands fisting the sheets on each side of her. His knuckles white.

She turned her head slightly and kissed them. Moaned when he thrust into a spot that felt particularly good.

He hit that spot again. And again. And again.

Manon held on to him with each pleasurable thrust. Her toes curling and sliding against his shoulders.

Again and again and again.

She murmured his name and Dorian captured it. His teeth latched on to her bottom lip and gently pulled.

Again and again and again.

This time she closed her eyes tightly and buried her face in his shoulder. The sun beating down on them and making their bodies much too hot.

Again and again and again.

He groaned into her neck and Manon answered in kind. Her body bound tight. Her hands clawing at his back.

But he slowed his pace and pulled a little away from her. "Manon," he groaned, and stilled deep inside of her.

Manon lifted her head off his shoulder to look at him. Their bodies slick with sweat. Her hands sliding down the muscles of his back and landing on his behind. She squeezed him there and Dorian titled his head to gently bite her neck, his hands unwrapping her legs from his shoulders and flipping her over so that she was on top.

She sat back and placed her hands behind her so that they were placed against his thighs. Dorian's hands going to her waist. She began to move, setting a slow pace at first and then picking up speed.

He closed his eyes and she leaned forward to kiss him. His hands tangling in her hair and keeping her from moving away. He whispered against her lips.

She moaned her reply.

Dorian fisted her hair and kept his steady pace. He murmured gently under his breath when she began to move against him; back and forth, circling her hips.

Dorian flipped them so that he was on top. The slapping of his body against hers. Her soft moans in his ears. The sun heavy on their skin.

He could feel her body tensing so beautifully.

He whispered in her ear. His body trembling as she ran her hands down the muscles of his bare back. Her legs wrapped tightly around him..

She shut her eyes and Dorian devoured her. His mouth merciless against her skin. Tongue licking up her jaw. Teeth gnawing at her bottom lip. Biting and licking and sucking every inch of skin his mouth made contact with. Her hands searched for his, and when they clasped she let go; her hand squeezing his tightly; her body bucking against his.

He watched as her eye fluttered shut, her mouth barely touching his. And with one last thrust, Dorian went with her. Her fingers threading through his hair and tucking it behind his ear.

He rested his cheek on her chest and listened to the strong beat of her heart. Closing his eyes against her warm skin.

He didn't know how long they lasted like that. Embracing one another and listening to the birds that sang outside.

* * *

Manon opened her eyes when she heard the sound of footsteps down the hall.

Dorian's body was laying on top of hers with his cheek pressed against her chest.

She touched his face with the tips of her fingers, waking him gently. He blinked up at her and smiled, the sun hitting his face and setting his eyes a beautiful shade of blue and purple.

He kissed the space between her breast and then got off the bed to change. She watched him as he moved around the room; she was proud of him and everything he had accomplished. But still, she saw the look in his eyes—the one that told her everything he had been hiding from her. He smiled and tried to hide it, but Manon saw it.

She wrapped the blanket around herself and turned to her side and watched him some more. His hair had gotten longer and his skin had a healthy glow that let her know that he was at least eating well.

He leaned down to kiss her. "Join me for lunch in the dining room?"

Manon never stayed long enough to explore his other rooms, but she nodded. "How about breakfast?"

He smiled. "I'll go tell the cook."

He left the room and Manon laid back into the sheets.

She closed her eyes briefly but then opened them when she heard the doorknob to Dorian's room turn.

A woman came into his room quietly. Her eyes landing on Manon and then smiling. "Cleaning up," she said.

Manon wrapped the blanket around herself and got off the bed, her hand sneakily going to her knife that was hidden underneath the bed. "Dorian doesn't allow servants in his room," Manon said.

The woman smiled and released the knife that she had tucked away.

Manon pounced.

* * *

Dorian was across from his mother when Manon came in.

"And now I know why we are having breakfast instead of lunch," his mother said.

Dorian gave her a look but his mother ignored it. He turned to Manon who sat next to him and frowned. She had a smear of blood on her cheek. He reached over and rubbed it away with his thumb.

He didn't dare look at his mother.

His mother cleared her throat. "I don't think we have quite met," she said. She held out her hand.

Manon took it.

"My goodness," his mother said. "You're gorgeous. She's gorgeous."

Dorian blushed and began to eat.

* * *

Several days later and Manon still hadn't left. She knew she had to soon. But there were things Manon still needed to settle.

She had stopped Dorian's assassination attempt and she knew it would be a while until someone tried again. But it was hard to leave him once she was here.

She had spent the last several days with his mother. Getting to know her and having to hear her talk about grandchildren. Manon liked Dorian's mother just fine, she just wished she would stop asking about having children and marriage. And she had for a couple of days, thanks to Dorian, but then just yesterday Yrene had given birth to another son and the talk of grandchildren began again.

Manon wanted them all to stop. She was happy for Chaol and Yrene, but there was also a small spark of jealousy that would enter her because of just how easy having children came to them.

And then there was the loneliest. That she had been the only one to survive from the twelve witches that had flown with her. No matter how many years passed that hole left in her never and might not ever heal.

It was true that Manon still wanted a child. But they had tried and had no success. Manon thought that perhaps the stars were trying to tell her that all her fears would come true if she did have one—which was why she was unable to have one. And that Manon perhaps was unfit to be a mother, and Manon hated that the most. That people would look at her a certain way because of the way she talked, or the things that she did that were deemed not motherly. Manon could love, and that was all that mattered.

There were times that she even considered adopting a child, but she knew how people treated heirs that were not of blood, and she couldn't put a child through that kind of cruelty just because she didn't want to be lonely. And children without parents in both their kingdoms were found loving homes, so to take a child from that...

And there it was.

She was lonely.

Dorian could give her all the kisses in the world, but it could never fill the hollowness she felt after the loss of her witches.

She missed them.

* * *

Manon knocked on the door to Dorian's study. She had gone to his room first but he hadn't been in there.

She was leaving tonight and had wanted to say goodbye.

She found him sitting at his desk. Deep in thought staring at all the papers that were scattered around.

Manon quietly walked until she was behind him and wrapped her arms around him. Kissing the top of his head.

Dorian reached back for her and whispered. "I'll come to bed in a second. It just got to—"

"No need," Manon whispered back. "I'm leaving tonight. Just wanted a chance to say goodbye."

Dorian turned to look at her. Watched as she walked around until she was sort of seated on his desk. "I wish you could stay."

"Maybe one day, princeling."

He sat back in his chair and looked at her. "Can I at least give you a proper goodbye?"

Manon smiled at that.

"Something to remember me by?" He said as she sat back fully on his desk and laid back a little.

"Manon?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think of me when you go away?"

"Always."

Dorian bent his head between her legs and kissed, and kissed, and kissed.

* * *

She was a sweaty mess when they finally joined. Their bodies entangled in one another and Manon's fingers digging into Dorian's shoulders. His breathing harsh and uneven.

The papers that were on his desk where scattered everywhere. Manon throwing them to the side and digging her nails into the wood beneath.

Dorian thrusted into her again which caused the desk to shift. He grabbed her backside and held her against him; whispered, "I want you in all ways, Manon."

Manon breathed. "Then have me."

And so he lifted her naked body from the desk and carried her to another room. Their bodies still connected and Manon kissing him sloppily as he moved from room to room and then down a hall.

There was only a moment that her mind wandered and she wondered if anyone would see them like this, but it quickly passed when Dorian pressed himself into her causing her breath to hitch.

She smiled into his shoulder. She could have this every day if she wanted to. If she dared to. She could have him in all ways and never have to give him up or leave after.

She bit and sucked at his neck, wanting to leave a bruise that he would keep on him even after she was gone.

She heard an opening of a door and then they were surrounded by a room full of stars. The room's clear ceiling allowing them to see the beautiful dark starlight above.

"When did you—"

But then he made love to her on the floor and all questions Manon had died on her lips.

* * *

It had been years now since the war, and Dorian had managed to create a kingdom that heavily relied on the vote of his people. Dorian did have a final say in all matters, but it was a start to creating a society that worked and made everyone's voice matter.

Dorian had also visited Manon's kingdom.

He had no words to describe how beautiful the land was. It was breathtaking.

He had also asked Manon to officially marry him and to his surprise, she had said yes. Adarlan still was not the best place for witches but Dorian hoped that with his marriage to Manon that peace could be made.

Manon did not want to be the queen of Adarlan and Dorian did not want to be the king of the Wastes. So they had decided that though they were married, that they would still have their kingdoms separate and rule over them separately.

But that didn't even last a month. There were things Manon needed help with and then there were things Dorian needed help with. And in the end, Dorian and Manon slowly combined their kingdoms.

The wedding had been in autumn and gold had been the theme.

Terrasen's court had come—along with its queen and king. Aelin had wanted to help Manon get ready but had gone to Dorian's chamber where Chaol and Dorian had been getting ready to tell them that she couldn't be found.

For a moment, Dorian thought Manon had changed her mind. But when it was time to wait, Manon had walked down the aisle in her golden gown and had taken Dorian's breath away.

Chaol had stood behind Dorian, but Manon hadn't wanted anyone beside her. She smiled and was polite to everyone, but Dorian could see the sadness in her eyes.

This was his dream wedding, but it was not Manon's.

He knew that she felt the absence of her twelve today. That in the room full of people, Manon had felt so utterly alone.

He could also feel the whispers. People saying how odd it was for the king to be marrying such an odd and cold witch. But they didn't know the Manon that he did. They didn't know the Manon that he loved. And perhaps they never would.

Chaol had toasted to the happy couple, but it was painfully obvious that he had only things to say about Dorian. And then the Queen of Terrasen had also toasted, but again it was pointed towards Dorian. Nobody knew the Manon he did, and the ones who did had died on the battlefield.

And so the wedding had gone on and on. And as evening appeared, everyone was so incredibly drunk, that his bride was the last thing on everyone's mind. And so Dorian took her by the hand and sneaked away with her.

When they got to their room, she had excused herself for a moment and gone to the bathroom. When she had returned she had appeared wearing the reddest and thinnest of lace. "Aelin and your mother," she whispered.

Dorian did not know how to respond to that. But by the blush on her cheeks, he could tell that her conversation with Aelin and his mother had been an awkward one.

She walked towards him, and the beauty of her made him want to weep. He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve any of it.

He had laid her on the bed and had run a hand along her body and the lace. He gasped at the gorgeousness of her. But when he looked up she had the same look in her eyes from the morning, and because no one was around, she began to cry.

Dorian held her. It was the only thing he could do. The only thing he wanted to do.

* * *

It was in the winter that Manon had begun with morning sickness. One of the maids had accidentally walked in and seen, and so in about a day, both kingdoms had known.

She hadn't planned on telling anyone. Hadn't planned on telling Dorian. It had been an accident. She had taken what was needed to prevent, but still, it had occurred.

And now people knew. And now they were expecting her to carry a witchling to term. Something Manon couldn't do.

And so when Dorian heard the news he hadn't reacted in a way that she could read. And when his mother had found out—the joy that had escaped her had almost shattered Manon's heart.

And so Manon pretended that this was her first. She pretended to be excited and pretended to pick out names and pretended to be so overjoyed.

And then when she was finally alone, she waited for the inevitable.

* * *

Dorian didn't know what to say to Manon when he found out, and so he had gone to speak to Chaol.

And though Dorian was so utterly human with an everlasting life, his friends and mother weren't. Some of his older advisors had died. Hollin now looked about the same age as Dorian. His mother was much older. And Chaol... Chaol had always been older than Dorian but now the gap showed.

Chaol and Manon were the only constants in Dorian's life. But since the war, Manon hasn't been the same and whatever hope he had for a friendship between the two hadn't developed. They were kind enough to each other, but without Dorian there they would be complete strangers to one another.

Dorian hadn't told him everything there was to know about him and Manon. About how hard it was for them to conceive. So when Dorian entered Chaol's home and was surrounded by all his sons, he had wept and had decided to tell Chaol everything.

* * *

Manon was laying in her room in her kingdom. Running her hand down her now swollen belly. She had never gotten this far and the reality that she was in fact actually going to do this scared her.

She often wondered what Asterin would say about all this. How proud she would be. How—

Manon wiped a tear away that slid down her cheek. She didn't want to think about Asterin or any of the rest of the witches.

And so she balanced the chocolate chip cookies on her round belly and smiled. "Your daddy is coming tomorrow," she whispered to the witchling in her belly. She felt a kick and chuckled. "I miss him too, my love. I miss him too."

* * *

Dorian came up behind her while she was staring out of her window. She was wearing a thin dress and her hair was in a loose side braid. Dorian wrapped his hands around her full belly. "How are you feeling?"

"Gigantic. Swollen. Nauseous..."

He kissed her shoulder. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

She rested her back against him while he kissed her neck.

"I've grown too attached," she said. "I'm scared. What if something happens and I can't push? What if they get stuck? What if—"

"It'll be okay, Manon. Yrene will be there. You mustn't worry."

"Easy for you to say," she replied. "You don't have this responsibility."

He kissed her neck again. "Whatever happens, I won't leave your side. Whatever happens, I will always love you. Whatever happens, it is not your fault."

* * *

Dorian wasn't there when it happened. No one was. Manon had pulled out their child on her own. She had been alone in the woods and had returned back with the babe in her arms much to everyone's horror.

Alone in their room, Manon held their child to her breast and recounted the story to him about what happened. How she hadn't felt any contractions but had seen the blood and knew something was wrong. How scared she had been. How she had leaned against Abraxos and had started pushing when she felt the pain and had seen her head.

He kissed the top of Manon's head and then his child's. Saw that Manon was bleeding from her breast. Their child had iron teeth.

"Manon..." he said with horror and concern.

"I know," she whispered. "She's a witch. Would you like to hold her?"

He nodded and Manon gently placed their girl in his arms. "She looks like you," she whispered.

Dorian looked at his daughter's face. It was his exact face and eyes, but the hair on her head was a beautiful white.

"I've been waiting for you," he whispered to her. And when he felt the tears run down his face he smiled.

* * *

"She looks like Dorian," Manon heard Dorian's mother say outside her door. She smiled. His mother was so overcome with joy at her first grandchild that Manon often had to fight her mother-in-law to get her witchling back.

But there were moments when it was just her and her witchling. Like now. Watching her child laugh at the silly faces she was making. It caused her such joy, that she often forgot just how tired she was from the night before, but she did not forget just how sore her chest was.

She heard her door open and looked to see that Chaol was in the doorway. "May I?" He asked.

Manon hesitantly nodded.

He entered into the room and paused his wheelchair next to her. She could see his eyes scan the child's face and realize what parts were her and what parts were Dorian. He smiled and made a face which caused her witchling to laugh. Which then caused Manon to laugh. Which then caused Lord Westfall to laugh.

When their laughter died they sat in silence for a bit. Neither one of them knowing where to start.

"I haven't been all that welcoming to you," he said at last. "It's just, I've known Dorian my whole life and I know how he was and I was there with Sorscha. And I just thought that he would be over you quickly. That it was just a passing thing like the rest of them. But he really does love you. And you care for him and—and I owe you an apology, my queen."

Manon looked at him then. Really looked. She picked up her witchling and handed her to Chaol. "Your an uncle now," was all she told him.

Chaol smiled up at her.

* * *

There was the problem of what kingdom they would stay at and raise their witchling. But since Dorian and Manon couldn't decide, the split their time between both places.

Their witchling was a quiet thing, choosing to stay behind her mother throughout meetings and royal functions. She was also very studious and wise; a temper at times that got the best of her. But kind, always.

She was a bit older now, about six years old. She wouldn't age like the other children, and she wouldn't die like them either. And the thought of that scared Manon—since her child had taken a liking to Chaol's youngest son, who was so utterly human and would one day die.

Their daughter would know heartbreak and Manon couldn't protect her from it.

* * *

It was winter again. The snow covering the fields of Adarlan. And she had been waiting a long time for her husband to come home.

They were all looking out the window when they saw the carriage.

The girls ran to him first. "Papa," they yelled, tackling him to the ground. When they saw their uncle behind him they ran to greet him too.

Manon squatted next to her husband who was still laying in the snow.

She kissed him and whispered. "I have a surprise for you."

Dorian eyes widened. "Another one?"

Manon smiled.

* * *

In the end, Dorian and Manon had four children. Their oldest girl with white hair like Manon and sapphire eyes like her father. Their twin girls with their jet black hair and golden eyes. And then their boy, with the whitest of hair and the oddest color of eyes.

They were also so different, and yet Manon and Dorian loved them all the same.

Their oldest was into books and took after her father. The twins were mischievous and always getting into trouble. The youngest could not speak, but when he played his violin, Manon could almost hear every thought he ever had.

It had been hard at first to find ways to communicate with their youngest son, and at times both Dorian had Manon had been frustrated. But eventually, they learned how to talk with their hands, and holding a conversation with their son had eased some of their worries.

They still worried. About almost everything. About their kingdoms. Abought their children. But they had each other and as long as they had that they felt like they could get through it.

* * *

There had been many lessons they all had to learn as a family. Love. Death. Their immortality. Their reign.

Dorian still remembers when his mother died of old age and how his children had wept for her. And then he remembered the death of his brother Hollin. The death of his guards and maids. It was never easy.

But he also remembered the death of his best friend.

He had been in the room when he had passed. Old and wrinkled. His wife holding his hand.

And when he finally had gone home he had run into Manon's arms. Her hands brushing his tears away and whispering words that he needed to hear.

It was never easy.

* * *

Manon breathed heavily into his ear, her moans and his groans filling up the room. They finally had time to enjoy one another and they were not going to waste it.

Dorian's hand went to the strings of her blouse but he stopped when he heard the knock at the door.

They turned to see one of the twins standing there. Her face crinkling up. "I had a nightmare," she said softly.

Dorian sighed and untangled himself from Manon and made room for her in the middle.

Their witchling smiled and made herself comfortable between them.

Manon looked over at Dorian and whispered, "tomorrow."

Dorian nodded and kissed his child's head.

* * *

Dorian and Manon didn't always agree. There were endless arguments and times where they were so mad at each other that forgiveness sometimes seemed impossible. But still, they always found their way back to each other. And always they made sure that their children knew that they were loved.

And Dorian told their children stories of before. About the war they had fought. The aunts they never had a chance to meet. And Manon, in turn, taught them how to fly.

And in the end, Manon and Dorian weren't perfect parents, but they always tried. Always.

* * *

Dorian had brought her back to the wood where they had once made love as strangers.

"Dorian," she whispered into the night after they had just finished making love as husband and wife now. Her eyes looking into his. She opened her mouth to speak but there were no words to describe what she felt.

And Dorian... he understood because he felt the same way. "You are my sword," he whispered, kissing her lips.

She smiled sleepily. "And you are my shield."

"And you are my queen," he replied, stealing another kiss.

Manon shook her head. "Not your queen, but your knight."

Dorian bit her lip and nodded. "And my wife."

"And you are my husband."

"And you are my kingdom."

She grabbed his hand. "And you are my star."

"And you are my witchling."

She nodded. "Yes."

"And you'll love me forever?"

She kissed him. "Yes," she whispered. "And will you love me forever?"

"And ever and ever and ever," he replied.

"I love you, princeling."

"I love you, witchling."

* * *

 _In the woods, a witch with the bluest of blood looked up at the stars, her long white hair wrapped around her like a blanket while the king with the bluest of eyes kissed her._

 _Lonely no more, the two had found each other. The stars shining brightly for them and listening to their whispers._

 _And as the years went on the stars watched over them and burned brightly for the lovers who had dreamed and had lost. Who had hoped and had cried. And when it was time for their light to dim, the stars would tell the story of the witchling and her princeling to other stars, so that they too could watch over the lovers and experience love they could never possess._

 _And in the woods, the witch with bluest of blood and the king with the bluest of eyes looked up at the stars and thanked them._


End file.
